My sex life with wife is boring and predictable… and it’s making me want to romp with gorgeous new colleague

DEAR DEIDRE: SINCE this really sexy woman joined my workplace, I can’t wait to get in every morning. She is incredibly uninhibited, loves lots of banter and is very flirtatious. I’m 46 and have been married for 19 years. I have two school-aged teenagers and, while my 45-year-old wife is lovely, our sex life is boring and predictable. She reluctantly agreed to oral sex once only, but any mention of trying something new such as dressing up or role play is off the table. My new colleague is the opposite. She is 25, engaged and joined our sales team last year. She enjoys pushing boundaries and loves lots of dirty talk. Live Chat and Contact Dear Deidre Live Chat with one of our trained counsellors Monday to Thursday from 1pm to 4pm. In Live Chat Hours:On your desktop or mobile, a ‘live chat with us’ button will appear below. Click it, and the chat box will appear and you will be connected with one of Deidre’s team. If you’re on the The Sun app, click here. If you would like to contact any of the counsellors outside of these hours, you can contact us:Via email: deardeidre@the-sun.co.ukOr send a confidential form here.DM us on Instagram: @Dear DeidreDM us on Facebook: @DearDeidreOfficial Our daily banter has become more and more erotic. It’s like we are playing a game where we constantly try to out-do each other. She admits she fancies me, which makes me aroused. We sit directly opposite each other at work, making eye contact and mouthing sexual innuendo. I have never experienced anything like it. I didn’t get to play the field because I married young and had no sexual experience, whereas my wife had several partners. Just the other day at work, this woman cornered me by the coffee machine, pressing her body into mine before daring me to send her a photo of my erection. We are playing with fire and it needs to stop. It feels like it is only a matter of time before we give in and actually have sex. I don’t want to go to my grave having only ever known one sexual partner. DEIDRE SAYS: While it is flattering to have the attention of a much younger woman, and your desire for her is undeniable, neither you, nor this colleague, are available. You both stand to lose everything if you cross that line. Is a short workplace fling really worth dismantling your life, shattering your marriage and losing your children’s respect? It is highly unlikely that you and this woman can have any real future together. Establish firm boundaries by telling her you are determined to stay faithful and the dirty talk needs to stop. Ask for a desk change to physically separate yourselves at work and put your energy into your marriage. Reassure your wife that you love her and explain that you want to inject some fresh excitement into your sex life. My support pack, Spice Up Your Sex Life, has some great suggestions. DAUGHTER IS DEMANDING TO KNOW IF SHE’S MINE DEAR DEIDRE: FOR 16 years I have kept my doubts to myself, but now my daughter is demanding to know whether I really am her dad or not. I am 42 and my wife is 38. Back then, she admitted to an affair, but the moment she fell pregnant, her story changed. She claimed she’d lied about the sex just to hurt me. Like an idiot, I accepted it and raised this girl as my own. Now, the bombshell has dropped because her family told my daughter that I might not be her real dad and, not surprisingly, she is demanding answers. I need a DNA test for my own sanity, but my wife is unconcerned, acting like I’m the one causing a problem. She has now issued an ultimatum – either drop it or she leaves for good. I’m caught between saving a marriage built on lies or giving the daughter I love the honesty she deserves. DEIDRE SAYS: I can’t help but wonder why your wife’s family has chosen to tell your daughter. You have always been your daughter’s father in every way that matters, but since these doubts have been raised, she has a right to the truth. First, you must decide how you will handle the outcome if she isn’t your biological child. Above all, she will need your reassurance that your love for her remains completely unchanged. For confidential guidance, contact Coram Family Lives (coramfamily lives.org.uk, 0808 800 2222). FEAR I’M LET TING DOWN MY NEW LOVE DEAR DEIDRE: EVEN though I am head over heels for my new partner, I worry I will lose her over a bedroom issue that is threatening our future. I am 38 and never expected to be starting over after my wife left me last year for another man. Three years ago, we decided our family was complete, so I had a vasectomy. Now, I have met a woman who is 35. She makes me happy, but I can lose my erection when we have sex. Either that or it is impossible to get hard again after I have climaxed once. It is a stressful situation for me. I want to try using Viagra, but my girlfriend is completely against the idea. She thinks her love and physical attraction should be all I need. I am just scared I will lose her. DEIDRE SAYS: Please don’t panic. The emotional blow of your divorce has likely dented confidence far more than any physical reason. While a quick check-up with your doctor should reassure you, remember that losing an erection after climaxing is normal. Give yourself a proper breather, focusing on fun foreplay instead of racing to go again. If you often lose your erection before sex even starts, my pack, Solving Erection Problems, can help. Most importantly, reassure your girlfriend that you desire her – your body just needs a little patience and understanding. EX-CON LOVER IS SO SECRETIVE DEAR DEIDRE: AFTER building a hugely successful business that meant I could afford to retire early, I never expected to find myself in a relationship with a mystery man. I am 59 and he is 57, divorced, lives with his daughter and keeps his cards close to his chest. Every single week, he comes over to my house and our connection, both in and out of bed, is brilliant. However, I only have his mobile number. He refuses to tell me where he lives, saying he doesn’t think it is necessary. Recently, he admitted to me that he has been in prison and is currently facing a pending court case. He might get another custodial sentence unless he can pay back a large sum of money to have the charges dismissed. As I am financially secure, I offered him the cash as a gift, but he refused, saying he doesn’t want to feel beholden to me. Worse than that, he confessed he does not want to string me along, admitting he has not fallen for me the way I have for him. My friends all think I am completely mad to stay with him. However, I adore him, and I would do anything for this man, no matter the consequences. DEIDRE SAYS: Perhaps he is simply embarrassed about his living arrangements, especially since you own such a comfortable home. However, you must listen to him before you lose yourself entirely. He has been honest in admitting that he doesn’t share your feelings and it is highly unlikely this will change. You need to think very hard about continuing an intimate relationship with someone who has one foot out the door. Once this court case is finally resolved, he is very likely to either go to prison or simply walk away from you for ever. Please protect yourself from future heartache.