My parents want me to pay £6,500 for their anniversary trip while my brother goes free

Rachel’s parents want her to pay £6,500 to join them on their anniversary cruise (Picture: Getty Images) Big family get-togethers are supposed to be all about creating memories and celebrating relationships, But when money is involved, they can expose old resentments. For this week’s Money Problem reader, Rachel, the bill for her parents’ 50th wedding anniversary holiday isn’t the main issue. Rather, the 42-year-old solicitor, from Surrey, feels her parents are ‘yet again’ rewarding her brother for poor financial decisions while charging her for making careful choices. Wondering whether she should pay up or make a point, she asked Metro consumer champion, Sarah Davidson, for help. The problem… My parents are celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary next year and want the whole family to join them on a two-week Mediterranean cruise. They have invited my brother, his wife and their three children, plus me, my husband and our one child. The cruise is costing nearly £18,000 and Mum and Dad have announced that they will pay for my brother’s family because he is ‘under pressure’ with three children. But they expect my husband and me to pay our own £6,500 share because we both have good jobs. Meanwhile, her brother and his family get to go for free (Picture: Getty Images/PhotoAlto) I know this sounds petty, but I am furious. My brother has always earned less than me because he changes jobs constantly, whereas I worked hard to qualify and build a career. Now I am being financially penalised for being responsible. Ask Metro Use AI to go deeper into the stories you care about – powered by Metro and trusted publications. My parents say family is not an invoice and I should be pleased that I can afford it, but surely fair means treating each child equally, not rewarding the one who has made worse financial decisions? Do I pay up and keep quiet, or refuse on principle? The answer… Yes, this is definitely a first world problem, Rachel – but I do hear your frustration. Six and a half grand is a big old whack of cash for someone else to expect you to stump up for a holiday you haven’t chosen to go on. However, two questions are becoming tangled here. The first is whether you can afford and actually want to spend £6,500 on this holiday. The second is whether your parents must spend the same amount on each adult child. Should Rachel pay to join her parent's anniversary cruise? Yes, it's important to join the celebration.Check No, it feels unfair and she shouldn't go.Check Compromise with a different kind of celebration.Check Sign up to Metro's The Slice newsletter for your guide to what's on in London, with trusted reviews, offers and giveaways. On the latter, I am afraid the answer is no. Parents can make unequal gifts during their lifetime. It may feel unfair, especially where the recipient appears less financially disciplined, but adult children have no legal right to identical treatment. Your parents may view paying for your brother’s larger family as meeting greater need while you see it as a ‘reward’ for his choices. And both views can exist at once. Your parents are perfectly entitled to pay for your brother’s family to come on holiday, but they should also understand that paying for him while asking you to self-fund is going to have an emotional impact. This is not an excuse for you to throw all your toys out of the pram though. You’re a grown up, Rachel. Behave like one. Sarah recommends Rachel decide whether she can afford the cruise (Picture: Getty Images) First, talk to your husband and decide whether this holiday works for your own household budget. If the answer is yes, go because you want to celebrate your parents and spend time together. If it is no, you are allowed to decline. A luxury cruise is an invitation, not a compulsory family expense. Communicating this is going to be tough and it’s up to you to present your reasons calmly and rationally. Separate the emotional from the financial and explain the effect of their decision on you rather than putting your brother’s life choices on trial. You might say: ‘I want to celebrate your anniversary, but £6,500 is more than we can spend on this trip. I also want to be honest that the difference in treatment has upset me. Can we discuss another way for us to celebrate with you?’ More Metro Money Problems That is a boundary, rather than a demand that they fund your share because they are funding his. You cannot force your parents to pay for you to join them on this cruise, but you can be clear about what you are willing to spend. Decide whether the cruise is worth £6,500 to you. If it is, enjoy the celebration without keeping score. If it’s not, congratulate your parents warmly and suggest taking them out for a special meal or weekend away — or find another way to mark the anniversary closer to home. Deals of the Day Primark's new £14 co-ord has autumn styling on a budget covered Topman’s new-season collection has arrived and prices start at just £10 An Instagram mattress left me with back pain – this one completely changed my mind From £700 MacBooks to discounted iPhones, the best Apple tech for studentsb Save 25% on red light therapy masks, sauna blankets and sleep gadgets in Bon Charge sale Remember that this is about their wedding anniversary, not which child they love more. UK rules for financial gifting In the UK, everyone is entitled to gift up to £3,000 a year without it counting towards inheritance tax. If you don’t use that gift allowance one year, you can carry it over for another year – meaning you can give up to £6,000 tax-free. Gifts above available exemptions can still be made but may be relevant for inheritance tax if the giver dies within seven years. Parents who make substantial gifts should keep a written record of what was given, when and to whom. If estate planning is a concern, take regulated tax or legal advice. Do you have a story you’d like to share? Get in touch by emailing MetroLifestyleTeam@metro.co.uk Arrow MORE: The 12 best pumpkin patches in and around London to visit this autumn Arrow MORE: Sisters who drowned in Brighton visited lake where mum died days before their deaths Arrow MORE: I’m a landlord making £100,000 a month — young people have no excuse to be poor The Slice Your free newsletter guide to the best London has on offer, from drinks deals to restaurant reviews.