My New Boss Thinks My Very Normal Behavior at Work Means I’m Not “Dedicated to the Job.” Oh No.

Good Job I thought I’d found a way out. Photo illustration by Slate. Photos by Getty Images Plus. Sign up for the Slatest to get the most insightful analysis, criticism, and advice out there, delivered to your inbox daily. Good Job is Slate’s advice column on work. Have a workplace problem big or small? Send it to Laura Helmuth and Doree Shafrir here. (It’s anonymous!) Dear Good Job, I feel helpless in tech right now, but I absolutely have to keep a remote job due to disability. I worked my way up in a company that massively underpaid me, and I received accolades for my “hard work” back when I was desperate and dating casually. Now I’m married, have a house, and two dogs, as well as hobbies that take up my time. I absolutely crave work-life balance, and after months of searching, a former manager’s manager tapped me for a job he thought I would be great at. It was a diagonal step up—a promotion and a different job title—but I thought, “I can rise to the occasion if it means I can get my weekends back.” I did not get my weekends back. Apparently working 40 hours is too much clock-watching, and if I don’t work 10-plus-hour days and sometimes weekends, I’m not “dedicated to the job.” It’s also 24/7/365 on call, which I’m already on! My therapist heard about the workplace and its other tidbits (miserable co-workers, discrimination, lies, and micromanagement) and told me, “I don’t usually say this, but RUN.” But I have nowhere to run to! It’s my second week, and the job has wrung me out so hard that I’m crying every day and suffering chest pains when I think about work. My former manager offered me “maybe” a spot back at my old job, but that old job previously sent me to urgent care for stress. I can’t afford to take a sabbatical, but I also don’t know how long I can stay here, either (the last guy had a heart attack from stress!). We aren’t even saving lives in these jobs, so I don’t understand why there is so much agony going on in tech. Everyone is afraid of layoffs, almost everyone has become snippy, and everyone is looking for a job and failing. All my laid-off managers are still unemployed post-layoffs, sometimes over a year later. I’m petrified, stressed out, and don’t know what to do. Is there really any hope for tech jobs with the rise of AI? Am I just looking at the wrong companies? I have been trying to get referrals so that I can get more interviews, but I’ve come up empty, and I’ve already exhausted my network to get this new job. I don’t want to be chronically unemployed and hoping a side hustle pays off, but I’m feeling more and more trapped. Something has to give, and I don’t want it to be me. —Terrified in Tech (she/her) Dear Terrified in Tech, I’m so sorry you’ve been stuck in brutal jobs. Please put your health and safety first. Your therapist is probably already helping with this, but remember that you are not your job. You will leave this miserable, discriminatory, dishonest, micromanaged workplace as soon as possible. Recognize that starting a new job, even in a decent workplace, is difficult (there’s so much to learn!). Do the minimum necessary amount of work while you manage your health. If you haven’t yet, I suggest you get screened for panic attacks. You say you work in tech, and it sounds like you mean technology companies. This is a good time to explore other options. Most employers need people with technical skills. To expand your search and give yourself an emotional boost, try to be aspirational rather than desperate. Are there non-profits you care about? Would you like to work for a university, hospital, or state or local government? (I wouldn’t advise looking for work in the federal government at the moment.) Talk to contracting or temp-work agencies to see what openings they have for someone with your experience. If your former manager offers you your old job back, don’t take it. They abused you before and will have even more power over you if you return. You may have to take a pay cut for a new job, but do whatever it takes to find a workplace that doesn’t make you feel petrified, stressed, and trapped. —Laura More Advice From Slate I’m not a neat freak. I’ve heard people sometimes do things like clean their baseboards, but I’ve never done it myself, and it doesn’t bother me. That’s my baseline for what comes next. What bothers me is clutter and trash. I feel like I have a pretty normal threshold for not wanting “stuff” on the floor, tables, counters, etc. My wife is less bothered by messiness. She’s not a hoarder. But lived for years with a hoarder roommate, with that level of actual trash in the hallway between our bedrooms, and it didn’t really bother my wife. Advice Workplace Jobs