My Nephew Has Started Asking for Dating Advice. There’s Just One Problem.

Care and Feeding Photo illustration by Slate. Photo by Mariia Vitkovska/iStock/Getty Images Plus. Care and Feeding is Slate’s parenting advice column. Have a question for Care and Feeding? Submit it here. Dear Care and Feeding, My 16-year-old nephew, “Edward,” is the son of my oldest brother. He very much thinks of me as his aunt, who should be listened to carefully, asked for advice, and occasionally used to sneak around his parents’ wishes. But I just turned 19 myself! I was apparently something of a surprise to my parents, who thought they were done having children when they had me, so I am much younger than any of my siblings. I’m in college and barely think of myself as someone who has any idea what she’s doing. At times, I feel surprised that I’m allowed to vote; I sure as hell don’t feel ready to be some kind of figure who makes wise decisions about someone else’s life! When I can help Edward, I really like being able to do so—like, earlier this summer I was helping him get some driving practice in, which I can do. But then he started asking me for dating advice, and I definitely don’t have that figured out. I didn’t know what to say, and had no way to escape the conversation. I don’t fully like this dynamic between me and my nephew, but I’m not sure how to reset it. But I also don’t want to push Edward away or make him think I don’t care about him. —Emotionally Exhausted Aunt Dear Emotionally Exhausted Aunt, I think it’s alright for Edward to think of you as his aunt, since you are. If you don’t want him to also think of you as “wise aunt who gives great advice and is also kind of his life/dating coach,” it might be more easily addressed than you think. Just tell him the truth: You don’t feel that you have everything figured out yourself, because you’re only 19. You don’t think you’re qualified to offer great advice on every subject, but you care about him and can listen if he needs that. I think many teens his age (and yes, I know you’re only a few years older) are able to both recognize and appreciate it when others are honest with them. And as long as you continue to see and spend time with Edward, which you seem to want to do, there’s no reason for him to feel rejected. If Edward does occasionally bring up a decision he has to make, or ask you what you’d do in his place, maybe try to relax a bit? You don’t have to think of yourself as handing down knowledge from on high just because he’s asked you what you think. If he asks you something and you truly don’t know what you’d do or don’t have an answer for him, it’s OK to tell him that. I think you can make it clear that you don’t consider yourself an authority figure or a fount of wisdom for him, and still be a sounding board or offer your thoughts now and then—these are all normal things that people do for each other, regardless of age. It doesn’t mean that you are actually responsible for the decisions he makes. —Nicole More Parenting Advice From Slate I’ve been in the lives of my stepchildren (ages 16 and 12) for nine years, and my husband includes me in all decision-making about them. They live with us half the time and their mother the other half. I do the homework help, doctor’s appointment scheduling, lesson booking, and a number of other basic parental support roles. (To clarify, my husband is an outstanding parent—he just has nonexecutive strengths.) My husband and I have always silently disagreed with the kids’ mom about most things. Never miss new Slate Advice columns Get the latest from Prudie and our columnists in your inbox each weekday, plus special bonus letters on Saturdays. Advice Family Kids