My mum insists I’m her ‘best friend’ — and it’s starting to impact my love life

There’s nothing stronger than a mother’s love… (Picture: Getty/ Metro) One of the greatest parts of finding your ‘perfect match’ is being able to share the news with friends and family. But for this week’s Sex Column reader, it’s the thing she dreads the most. Regularly described by her mum as her ‘best friend’, she’s terrified that opening up about her relationship is going to ruin everything. The problem is, her boyfriend is quickly losing his patience with all the secrets. Keep reading to find out more, but before you go, check out last week’s dilemma, from a woman whose dreams of starting a family are drifting further and further out of sight. The problem… Ask Metro Use AI to go deeper into the stories you care about – powered by Metro and trusted publications. I’ve been with my boyfriend for nearly three years, and we’re ready to move in together. We have an amazing sex life, he’s kind and funny, and we’re a perfect match. New here? Sign up for The Hook Up newsletter Hi, my name is Laura Collins, and every week I write Metro’s Sex Column. I’ve been working in newspapers since completing my counselling training 30 years ago, and it’s always a privilege to help readers. Read my column in The Hook Up newsletter every week (Picture: Laura Collins) If you enjoy my column, you should sign up for our weekly newsletter. It has it all – expert tips, steamy stories, and everything in between. Sign up now. And if you have a sex, dating or relationship dilemma, get in touch! I should be happy, right? Wrong. Stupid as it may sound (given I’m nearly 25) I’m scared to tell my mum, who I know will be broken hearted. She had me at 15 and was cast out by her parents for bringing disgrace to the family. Luckily her elderly aunt took us in, and when the old lady died, we stayed in the house, where we still are. I’ve never known my father and have no siblings, but nevertheless I feel I had a great childhood and wouldn’t change a thing. Life only started getting tricky when I was 15 and boys started to show an interest. None of my boyfriends has ever been good enough for my mother, and she has interfered in a few relationships which have subsequently ended. She describes me as her best friend, which was fine for a while, but is now quite suffocating. She says she wouldn’t know what to do without me and actively encouraged me not to go away to university because she didn’t want me to leave her. My boyfriend has recently started to lose patience with my constant excuses for not speaking to my mother, but I’m terrified of hurting her. He and I have never argued in the past, but the strain is starting to show. I’m even afraid of losing him to someone who can give him what he wants out of life. The advice If your relationship is as good as you say, your boyfriend won’t suddenly leave you for someone else. He just wants you to speak to your mum, and although I understand it’s going to be tricky, I’m afraid he’s right. She’s clearly terrified of losing you, which is something you can’t fix on your own. She really needs counselling (and probably needed it long ago) because behind this is her fear of abandonment and unresolved pain, not just from your father leaving her to cope alone, but because her parents kicked her out too. In many ways, she’s done really well to keep the show on the road for all these years. I know you don’t want to hurt her, but you’re an adult now and need to act in your own best interests. Just calmly tell her that you plan to set up home with your boyfriend, giving her plenty of time to get used to the idea. Stand your ground and don’t give in to tears or emotional blackmail; remind yourself that she’s your parent, you’re not hers. There are a couple of things you can do to make the process easier. Firstly, give her plenty of notice when you intend to move – at least four weeks, if not longer. Secondly, research some suitable therapists and suggest that she speaks to one of them. Meet up with her frequently and continue letting her be part of your life. She just needs to understand that she can’t be all of it. Laura is a counsellor and columnist. Got a sex and dating dilemma? To get expert advice, send your problem to Laura.Collins@metro.co.uk. Do you have a story to share? Get in touch by emailing MetroLifestyleTeam@Metro.co.uk. 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