My Kids’ Dad Avoided Paying Support Their Entire Childhoods. Now They’re Teens, and It’s Finally Coming Due.

Pay Dirt Photo illustration by Slate. Photo by Getty Images Plus. Pay Dirt is Slate’s money advice column. Have a question? Send it to Kristin and Ilyce here. (It’s anonymous!) Dear Pay Dirt, My kids’ dad makes good money but took inventive steps to avoid paying child support. He owes more than $200,000. I always assumed they wouldn’t see a dime until he took Social Security. But now we think there’s big chance it will come to us much sooner than that. Recently he inherited a large sum, and it was garnished during a complicated probate process. Although things can always change, I think there is a 98 percent chance we will get this money in the next few months. My daughter “Tara” is now 19, and my son “Bryce” is 17. Tara had a hard time with school and was just barely a C student. She has ADHD and poor impulse control, and I’m very worried about her future. She did a semester of community college and failed out. She also did a semester of training for cosmetology and dropped out. Right now she’s bouncing through a bunch of crappy jobs and living at home. She has a hard time with money and planning ahead, and I’m not sure how to help her use the money well if it comes. I’d love for it to give her some type of start into adulthood, but I don’t know how. Her strengths are social rather than academic, creative, or technical. Bryce is a very different kid. He’s very into school, and very much wants to go to college. As a junior, he’s already looking at scholarships and talking about a career path. I imagine that stuff will change as he gets older, but it seems likely that he will want to use his sum to go to school. Both kids have bare-bones college funds because money is tight. It’s enough for maybe a year at an in-state school, each. So probably Bryce’s portion of this money should go towards school, but I don’t have a long time to help it grow. How do I figure out next steps with both kids? —Want to Make the Most of It Dear Want to Make the Most of It, First, congratulations on raising two kids without much (if anything) in the way of financial or emotional support from your kids’ dad. I’m sure that took long hours, not to mention a lot of courage, to make it work. Assuming you get these long-overdue funds, which should belong to you and not your children, I know you want to use them to optimize your children’s chances of success in an uncertain world. I get it, but make sure you’re okay financially, too. You didn’t mention how much you’ve saved for retirement, but assuming you have a 401(k) or IRA, you probably weren’t able to fully-fund it as you were front-loading the entire cost of raising your kids. Some of your former partner’s cash probably belongs in your retirement kitty. Now, onto the kids. Your son is the easy one: He seems to have a path and that includes college. Putting some of the funds into a 529 college savings account will allow those funds to grow tax-free until you need them. Understand that they will be assessed identically to other parental funds on the FAFSA forms you’ll have to sign, up to 5.64%. If you put money into your son’s name instead of yours, it could be assessed up to 20%. Check with your school’s college guidance counselor or the financial aid office at the colleges or universities he is considering for more details. Tara seems to be on a different path. I’d use some of the funds to help her figure out what she’s actually good at and where her interests lie. Career aptitude testing through a community college center, vocational counselor or a private career coach might help surface strengths she hasn’t yet identified and could point to a successful career in sales, hospitality, real estate, event planning, salon or wellness company management, or even patient coordination. An ADHD-informed coach could help her build the executive functioning skills to put these interests and talents to work. If there’s anything left, start a small 529 plan for her, too, as she might one day be ready to start a college or associates degree. Don’t worry that putting the funds into 529 plans means the money is lost if it is unused. There’s flexibility in case you have cash leftover after the kids are done with their education. Under the Secure 2.0 Act, up to $35,000 in unused 529 funds can be rolled into the beneficiary’s Roth IRA, as long as the account has been opened at least 15 years. The rollover is capped at the annual Roth contribution limit each year and the beneficiary needs earned income. And if there’s money after that, you can always change the beneficiary on the account to their kids, or even withdraw funds and simply pay tax on the earnings. —Ilyce Classic Prudie I have been in therapy since getting married, almost two years ago, due to anxiety, depression, and past family trauma. My husband has gone to therapy too, sometimes with me, but inconsistently. I’m worried, because when we start to get into an argument, I try to ask for space to breathe and calm myself down for a few minutes, but he won’t or can’t leave me alone. It’s gotten to the point where he won’t let me walk into another room, and if I try to leave the apartment, he holds me in place, takes my keys, or threatens to call the cops. Never miss new Slate Advice columns Get the latest from Prudie and our columnists in your inbox each weekday, plus special bonus letters on Saturdays. Advice Personal Finance Relationships