My Husband Wants to Do Something Snobby and Expensive. The Idea Makes Me Cringe.

Pay Dirt Photo illustration by Slate. Photo by PeopleImages/iStock/Getty Images Plus. Pay Dirt is Slate’s money advice column. Have a question? Send it to Kristin and Ilyce here. (It’s anonymous!) Dear Pay Dirt, I’ve been married to my husband for 10 years. But he recently told me something that makes me wonder who I married! He has decided he wants to join an expensive country club near our home in order to play tennis and golf there. He says it will be good for his business, as many people in his industry are members. This all sounded fine to me, until he told me that the joining fee is $15,000, cash! And then the fees for the club are $500 per month. We can technically “afford” this, but it seems so ridiculous to me. He says it’s the cost of doing business and will be good for our family. I don’t want to hang out a country club! I think it sounds exclusive and kind of gross. I don’t want to forbid him from joining, but I feel bad about it. How should I navigate this? —Not a Snob Dear Not a Snob, Before deciding this isn’t your vibe, go see for yourself. Most clubs offer a tour and even a meal for prospective members and spouses, and you should ask your husband to go with you. You might be surprised how comfortable you feel, or who you already know there. I once suggested something similar to my son when he started his first job: join the nice but expensive health club near his new apartment. He was skeptical, but friends said the same thing: It’s a great way to meet people, and may even be good for his career. He now goes almost daily and has genuinely benefited personally and professionally. One quick data point that might reframe your sticker shock: elite golf clubs in Florida, California, and New York often have initiation fees of $100,000 to $500,000 or more, plus $10,000 to $30,000 a year in dues, according to industry data from Private Club Marketing and Front Office Sports. Against that, $15,000 to join and $6,000 a year is fairly moderate. That doesn’t mean you have to love the idea, but at least your husband isn’t chasing the most extravagant version of club life. Talk through the practical details together: How often will he actually be there? Is this a couple rounds of golf a month or a near-daily habit? Are you expected to join him, or is this entirely his? What sort of offerings do they have for spouses and children? Can you use it when he isn’t there? And the ROI conversation is still worth having honestly—is this where real business happens or is it more want than need? And here’s the thing: Sometimes it’s just a want, and that’s OK, too, provided you can afford it. People in a marriage don’t have to want the same things. If you can swing the finances, this might simply be his birthday, holiday, and Father’s Day gifts rolled into one indulgence. It doesn’t mean every dinner moves there or that you owe the club your evenings. His hobby or even business development doesn’t have to become your complete social life. One word in your letter stood out: “forbid.” You’re not his mother, and this isn’t about permission. Framing it that way isn’t healthy in a marriage. Instead, it’s about two adults with different tastes navigating a shared budget together. —Ilyce Classic Prudie My husband and I never wanted children—we preferred to travel and spoil our dogs. He got the snip before we even met. Only, six months ago, we found out that he has a 13-year-old daughter, “Ella,” from a college fling. Never miss new Slate Advice columns Get the latest from Prudie and our columnists in your inbox each weekday, plus special bonus letters on Saturdays. Advice Personal Finance Relationships