My Husband Read a Popular Romantasy Book. It’s Brought Us Closer Together.

Dear Prudence Prudie replies to readers’ comments and suggestions. Advice by Enter your email to receive alerts for this author. Sign in or create an account to better manage your email preferences. Unsubscribe from email alerts Are you sure you want to unsubscribe from email alerts for Jenée Desmond-Harris? Oct 30, 20266:00 AM Photo illustration by Slate. Photos by VartB/Adobe Stock and Adobe Stock. Sign up for the Slatest to get the most insightful analysis, criticism, and advice out there, delivered to your inbox daily. Each week, Prudence asks readers for their thoughts on the letters she’s received. Her reply will be available every Friday. Hey Prudie, Re Reading Alone: Instead of focusing on the books your wife is reading, focus on your actual complaint: You say you miss having more intellectual conversations with her. Is there another entry point into those conversations that feels less daunting than picking up a dense biography? I’m specifically thinking of how an interesting NPR story over breakfast or a podcast on a car ride can stimulate conversations between my husband and me. I second the advice to read some of these books yourself, especially since it sounds like your wife has a sense of humor about them and it could be fun. Reading Fourth Wing a couple of years ago pulled my husband out of a reading slump, and now it’s one of the silly things we send memes about. Conversations about fandom/theories, desire, the evolution of fantasy novels, etc. can be plenty intellectual. When he starts talking about the Gaelic root words of the dragon names, I have to stop him and explain that that’s not why I read the books. —FourLeafCarrot This, exactly. I really want the letter writer to read a romance novel and report back. Please keep questions short (<150 words), and don’t submit the same question to multiple columns. We are unable to edit or remove questions after publication. Use pseudonyms to maintain anonymity. Your submission may be used in other Slate advice columns and may be edited for publication. Hey Prudie, For Reading Alone: Literary scholar here who, under my present personal circumstances, can’t do better than true crime in my spare time. I don’t much like the distinction between “high-brow” and “low-brow” literature. Lots of genres we consider “quality literature” today used to be looked down on. Also, if something is being read and enjoyed, it must be well crafted on some level, and a thoughtful and eloquent person like the letter writer’s wife can probably be reflective about what she’s reading—that is, if she wants to be. I probably wouldn’t discuss what I was reading with someone who was obviously put off by it (not to mention—anxiously class-conscious). LW could ask their wife which writers she prefers and why. What makes for a compelling character or plot? What makes for a well-written sex scene? (That could be a fun, sexy conversation too!) If none of this works, they can watch a good movie and discuss that. Marvel counts. —Romance Is Fine Great points. Everything counts! Including talking about friends, funny social media posts, and family gossip. Book clubs exist for a reason, and no relationship should require you to read the same kinds of books forever. Prudie Wants to Hear From You! Readers often have great suggestions for our letter writers, occasionally disagree with a point Prudie makes, or simply want to provide some additional advice. Each week, Prudie will be replying to some of these comments and suggestions from readers, which will be featured on the site on Fridays for Slate Plus members. Write to us! Or submit a question here. Hey Prudie, Just a suggestion on your recent column to Reading Alone: It’s not just women who have children who are experiencing the need for escapism. I agree with everything you’ve said, but I think it’s worth also noting that even those of us who are child-free are exhausted, stressed, and seeking romance as escapism. The world is heavy, and we all deserve a little lightness and joy in our lives. —Romance Author That’s absolutely a fair point. I think I was trying to imagine what could have caused a shift in this particular relationship that affected the letter writer’s wife and not him, but you’re right that it could be any number of things other than domestic emotional labor. Hey Prudie, Re Introvert: I work in a theatre, and it is not uncommon for friends and family of the artists to hang out backstage during the show (or even watch from the wings), then go out to visit with the audience afterwards. I don’t know what kind of venues your partner typically gigs, but most will ask for a rider (a list of the performer’s tech specs, catering, etc.). It should not be a problem to say: Musician’s partner will be backstage. Most of the time, the box office will try to arrange it so all of an artist’s guests or comp tickets are together, but do reach out to the box office manager (or, if you have a tour manager, ask them to do so) or whoever is in charge of comp tickets and ask for a separate seat if that’s what you prefer. Again, it shouldn’t be a problem on the venue’s end. On the other hand, if your partner is the one who has asked you to be the social director for his guests, well, that’s a different conversation. If you really don’t want anyone to talk to you, I’d suggest working as a technician for the shows, particularly in the light booth. It’s the perfect place for introverts at a show, and as a bonus, you could get paid to attend the gigs. —Box Office Betty Watching from backstage is a really good idea! Taking on a side gig as a technician would be a hilarious way to avoid unwanted social interactions, but it could also work—and create another point of connection with the letter writer’s partner. Hey Prudie, Re Just Leave: The letter writer tells us she’s only ever said, “You will leave him when you’re ready.” It sounds like it’s time for her to be more explicit. “I’ve been listening to how unhappy you are since you married Beethoven, and in 10 years nothing has changed. It’s too hard for me to see you stuck in this situation. I think you need to make some decisions.” Maybe that will shake the friend out of her inaction. If nothing else, you can now say, “It’s too hard for me to listen to this—let’s change the subject.” —SarahBee I might edit out “you need to make some decisions” because the message about how all the discussion of the terrible relationship is affecting the letter writer is covered by the rest of the statement. To me, “it’s too hard for me to listen to this” feels a little harsh, but it is one option. Classic Prudie I found out my boyfriend was cheating on me the same week his test results came back confirming he has cancer, a highly aggressive kind. I went from bawling my eyes out and planning on deleting his number to holding him on the couch as he fell apart weeping. He begged me to stay and forgive him. I didn’t know what to do. I told him I forgave him and that I still loved him. I don’t… Advice Dear Prudence Marriage