My husband of 21 years handed me a letter then sobbed as I read it – my eyes fixated on 3 words & life changed forever

TURNING over in bed, I was about to go to sleep when my husband Julian handed me an envelope. Instantly, I knew that whatever was inside was going to change my life. My mind raced with possibilities. Was he dying, or having an affair? The truth didn’t even occur to me. Leanne Azzopardi says she felt unloved and unworthy during her marriage to Julian… and then he finally admitted to her that he was gay Credit: Supplied Julian proposed to Leanne in November 1994 and they decided to elope in April 1995 Credit: Supplied I was 27 when I met Julian*, who was two years younger, through his sister in our home town of Melbourne, Australia. I’d had a few relationships before, but this was different. We both loved ‘80s music, art galleries and being in nature, plus he was gentle, handsome, intelligent and an excellent listener. Things moved slowly at first. I was confused when we hadn’t even kissed after weeks of dating, but when he explained he was a virgin, I put it down to that. After five months, we began having sex. It was fulfilling for me, and it seemed like he felt the same. In November 1994, Julian proposed and, two months later, we were ecstatic to discover I was pregnant. We decided to elope that April. The night before our wedding, Julian asked: “Are we doing the right thing?” I reassured him, thinking his doubts were about eloping. But years later, his words would take on a very different meaning. Those early years of marriage were happy and hectic. Julian was over the moon when our son was born in October 1995. Our sex life was good, and we went on to have two daughters in 1997 and 1999. After that, the intimacy fell away. I’d try to initiate sex, but Julian wasn’t interested. In the final 10 years of our marriage, we didn’t have sex at all and I felt unloved, ugly and unworthy. Julian and Leanne had one son and two daughters during their marriage Leanne and Julian are still good friends who go to the movies together – and she was thrilled when he moved on with a man Credit: Supplied If I ever asked what was wrong, he’d say he wasn’t like other men and didn’t need sex all the time. I’d remind myself that marriage is for life – Julian and I loved each other and had three wonderful children. If intimacy never got beyond a peck on the cheek, I had to accept that. It was a kiss I was expecting in bed in January 2016, when Julian handed me the envelope. Seeing his anguish, I took him in my arms, telling him that whatever it was, we’d deal with it together. As he sobbed, I opened it, hands shaking. First came two paragraphs about how much he loved me and the kids, that he was sorry for his distance and he’d been depressed. Then my eyes fixed on three words: “I am gay”. Impossible, I thought. Was this a joke? My mind flashed to our wedding and to the happy future we’d planned, relaxing and spending time with future grandkids. I wanted to scream and rip the letter into pieces. Instead, I found myself asking questions in a calm voice. Did he ever love me? Had he been unfaithful? What did this mean? We talked all night, holding each other tight. Through my shock and sense of betrayal, I heard him explain how he always thought he might be gay, but buried it, telling himself that he could make himself like women. He swore he’d never been unfaithful and, apart from a few fumbles with a friend before he’d met me, had never been intimate with a man. As time had gone on, he couldn’t ignore it any more, and for years he had been watching gay porn. The guilt had become too much, and that’s why he’d told me. In the letter, he’d written: “I hope we can continue our marriage journey, albeit a different one.” Julian sobbed as he handed Leanne an envelope containing a letter admitting he was gay Credit: Supplied Five months after the letter, Leanne accepted that their marriage couldn’t continue Credit: Supplied Desperate to believe we could survive, and that it hadn’t all been a lie, I didn’t want to split up. At first, it was like a second honeymoon. We began having regular sex, bringing pictures of naked men into the bedroom. I told myself that we would get through this, but it was too painful. Terrified he was having an affair, I was obsessed with checking his computer and phone. Two weeks after the letter, I told the kids, then 16, 18 and 20. They were stunned, protective of me and confused at their dad. I lay awake for hours praying everything would go back to normal. I cried constantly, going over our years together and looking for clues, such as the fact that he only had female friends and was never comfortable around men. I couldn’t stop asking questions, which made him angry and made me feel worse. When I asked if he ever thought of men when we kissed, his reply “sometimes”, was like a knife in my heart. I began telling friends, who were angry on my behalf. Joining an online support group for spouses whose partners revealed they were gay was a huge help. Finally, I didn’t feel so alone. Five months after the letter, I accepted that our marriage couldn’t continue. I was scared of being alone, but knew that I deserved more than a sham marriage and being a substitute for someone’s true desires. Julian agreed, and the day he moved out was emotional, but it also felt like a huge weight had been lifted. Leanne met her current partner Nick in 2020 Credit: Supplied After that, we were able to meet for a walk or a coffee without arguing. I told him I’d begun writing, and he shared that he wanted to date guys one day. Six months after we split, I met a man speed-dating. I realised it was too soon for a new relationship, but I was able to tell Julian about it. He told me about a man on his drama course, and I hoped this was a sign of a genuine friendship between us. And it was. We set healthy boundaries – hugs, no kisses and a focus on the children. We were able to be happy for one another. But even though friendship was possible, the betrayal impacted my ability to trust and find love again. Still, I was determined to try. I met my current partner Nick in 2020. He’d been through infidelity and could relate to my insecurities. It is still hard – we don’t live together, partly because his home is over an hour’s drive away, but also because we’re both protecting ourselves. Through the support group I found, I’ve helped many women who ended up in a similar situation to me. The betrayal and devastation were eerily familiar. Most of the men had been unfaithful, and the wives had to face questions about their own sexual health. I respected Julian for not putting me in that position. Now, we are good friends who go to the movies together. He had a male partner for a few years, and I was genuinely happy for him. He supported me as I wrote a memoir about my journey. The kids and I only want him to find peace and be true to himself. I could never have dreamed that I’d survive, and thrive, after that letter that changed everything. But I did, and I want other women to know that they can, too. We are stronger than we know, and deserve honesty and true love. My Gay Husband: How My Gay Ex-Husband Became My Best Friend by Leanne Azzopardi is out now on Kindle.