My Husband Has Gotten Very Comfortable With Our Little Thanksgiving “Tradition.” This Year, He’s in for a Rude Awakening.

Care and Feeding I’m a new mom! Photo illustration by Slate. Photo by Getty Images Plus. Sign up for the Slatest to get the most insightful analysis, criticism, and advice out there, delivered to your inbox daily. Care and Feeding is Slate’s parenting advice column. Have a question for Care and Feeding? Submit it here. Dear Care and Feeding, Thanksgiving is two months away, but I’m dreading it, as my husband “Jake’s” horde of cousins, their kids, his siblings, nieces, nephews, and parents always end up at our place. Every year, it’s like a tornado hit. No one offers to help pitch in with cleanup (my husband included), leaving me to put the house back in order. Broaching the subject with Jake has resulted in a slew of empty promises—he swears he’ll help me get things cleaned up next time, but he never does. We now have a 6-month-old baby, and I simply do not have the time or energy to cook for more than 20 people and then deal with the aftermath without some help from Jake. He’s promised me that he’ll help out, but I don’t trust him to uphold his end of the deal. I have an escape plan to sneak off to my sister’s with the baby the night before and let him deal with everything. Considering his track record, would I be justified? —This Year, He’s the Turkey (she/her) Dear This Year, He’s the Turkey, Don’t sneak off. Just say no. You have every right to tell your husband that you don’t believe he will help because he never does. Say that this year, with your new baby, you won’t be hosting anyone. He can, instead, ask another family member to host. It sounds like he has a big family with many capable adults who could take over as the family’s Thanksgiving host. They still have two months—which is more than enough time—to plan. Then take your baby and go over to your sister’s house on Thanksgiving, where you won’t be expected to take care of other adults—and where you might even be pampered a bit as a new mom. If your sister is anything like me, my cousins and my friends, she’ll love to love on you and will let you take a much-needed break so that you can relax, knowing that your baby is well taken care of and nearby. Your husband can either come with you or not. It sounds like you don’t really care if he comes with! The bottom line: Prioritize yourself right now so that you can be in the best headspace to be a mom to that little one. Everyone else, including your husband, will get with the program you set. —Arionne More Advice From Slate Our 15-month-old son is generally a fun and easy kid. The only major problem is one for which his dad and I are basically to blame. We’ve ended up being accidental cosleepers and don’t know how to get ourselves out of it. We don’t have any theoretical or developmental problems with cosleeping, but we have all sorts of personal problems with it… Advice Family Kids Parenting