My Husband Has Found a New “Helper” During His Solo Time. It’s My Nemesis.

How to Do It Photo illustration by Slate. Photos by Getty Images Plus. Sign up for the Slatest to get the most insightful analysis, criticism, and advice out there, delivered to your inbox daily. How to Do It is Slate’s sex advice column. Have a question? Send it to Jessica and Rich here. It’s anonymous! Dear How to Do It, My husband has developed a bizarre fixation. It has consumed him to the point that he is no longer interested in having sex with me, and I have no idea how to deal with it. Around six weeks ago, I found my husband masturbating with bubble wrap. He puts lube on it, rolls it up, and uses it. I found it odd, but didn’t think much of it. Then the frequency of our lovemaking declined until it stopped altogether, while his use of bubble wrap escalated. I’ve tried discussing this with him and asked him if he no longer finds me desirable, but he responds that there are times when he feels like having sex, but I’m not available, or it’s not the right time for him when I want to. It’s been three weeks since we’ve had sex. Should I just throw out any bubble wrap I find around the house? I feel like I’ve lost my husband to plastic! How do I get him back? —Need the Bubble Gone Dear Need the Bubble Gone, Throwing out your husband’s bubble wrap is less likely to get your sex life back on track than it is to escalate the communication issues the two of you are having and make him more secretive about his plastic self-pleasure practice. Try to put the details of the bubble wrap aside and think through whether there’s something going on with your husband (stress, medical factors, mental health difficulties) that could be causing this sudden shift, and whether there’s anything about your relationship and the ways the two of you were having sex previously that might have laid the groundwork for it. Some questions to get you started are: Did he have a head injury six to eight weeks ago? Is he prone to getting really excited about one thing and being interested in that and nothing else for extended periods of time? Were you already having persistent problems finding times to connect sexually? In the event that the cause seems to be mostly within him, insist that your husband get support around that subject. If relationship dynamics are the more likely cause, insist that the two of you work on whatever those issues are and seek out couples counseling if needed to get you two communicating again. —Jessica More Advice From Slate My husband “Matt” and I have been married for just more than eight months. We recently took a weekend trip with a group of college friends for another wedding. After one too many drinks, a friend began to reminisce about how Matt and his best friend “Will” (who is gay) would get drunk and have regular sexual encounters—both during and for years after college. Up until this point, I had absolutely no idea about this… Advice Sex