My husband has been paying for escorts from a secret bank account

Victoria recently found out about her husband’s secret account (Picture: Getty Images) Financial infidelity is often just as destructive to a marriage as the romantic kind. When one partner discovers a secret credit card, a hidden debt or an undisclosed bank account, the breach of trust fundamentally rewrites the relationship. But for this week’s Money Problem reader, Victoria, 58, from Surrey, the discovery of her husband’s secret life is a double whammy of deception. Knowing she’ll struggle to forgive him but fearing what her life will look like if they divorce, she reached out to Metro consumer champion, Sarah Davidson, for some advice. The question… My husband and I have been married for 15 years and they have mostly been happy. Over the past four years, though, things have been difficult, and last month I discovered why. Ask Metro Use AI to go deeper into the stories you care about – powered by Metro and trusted publications. He has a separate bank account I knew nothing about. When I confronted him, he admitted he has been using it to pay for escorts. I am devastated. Despite the betrayal, she’s worried about how divorce will impact her lifestyle (Picture: Getty Images) We are comfortable financially — we own two properties and are living separately while we work out what to do. My husband earns a substantial income and has always supported my two sons from a previous relationship, both of whom are now over 18, as well as funding my lifestyle, which I will admit is a good one. I take five or six holidays a year to the Caribbean and Dubai with my girlfriends and I do not need to work. If we divorce, I will have to sacrifice a great deal. I do not want to lose my home or the life I have built but I do not think I can forgive what he has done and I no longer trust him with our money. I feel trapped between a betrayal I cannot forgive and a divorce I don’t want. The answer… Victoria, you have suffered a profound betrayal. Twofold. The man you trusted has been living a secret life; both financially and physically. Truly, you have my sincere sympathies. However — and you aren’t going to like this I’m afraid — I think we need to dismantle the assumption that a divorce will leave you destitute. Don't miss our Money tips! Add us as a Preferred Source At Metro Money, we're here to bring you all the latest news and advice on personal finance, cost of living, saving and investing. As part of our vibrant community of highly engaged readers, we want to make sure you never miss our articles when searching for stories. Click the button below and tick Metro.co.uk to ensure you see stories from us first in Google Search. Add us as a Preferred Source Our Money experts are here to give you the latest tips and insider guides What advice would you give to Victoria? Confront the issue and decide based on her priorities.Check Seek professional legal help immediately.Check Try to reconcile with her husband.Check Pursue a divorce and ensure fair financial distribution.Check Sign up to Metro's The Slice newsletter for your guide to what's on in London, with trusted reviews, offers and giveaways. Let’s put the two houses and six sun-soaked vacays to one side for a moment. You have been married for 15 years. In the eyes of the law this is a long marriage and the starting point for dividing the marital assets is a 50/50 split. The fact that he earned the money and you did not work does not matter — the court views the breadwinner and the homemaker as having made equal contributions to the marriage. Your first concern is his financial dishonesty. If he has successfully hidden one account for four years, it’s entirely possible — if not probable — that there are others. The courts are unlikely to agree he needs to continue funding her holidays (Picture: Getty Images) If you begin divorce proceedings, you will both be required to complete a Form E. This is a comprehensive financial disclosure document that must be signed with a statement of truth. Hiding assets on a Form E is the same as lying to a court. It’s an offence which can result in up to seven years in prison and/or an unlimited fine. If you suspect he is still hiding money, ask your solicitor to employ a forensic accountant. These specialists are experts at tracing money, finding undisclosed offshore accounts and identifying undeclared assets. This said, you also need a dose of reality. While you are entitled to a fair share of the marital assets — which will likely include the equity in both properties, his pension and his savings — you will almost certainly have to adjust your lifestyle. A court will aim to ensure your reasonable needs are met, which means keeping a roof over your head. It does not mean funding your penchant for sun, sea and cocktails with multiple trips abroad every year. More Metro Money Problems Next, children. Your sons are over 18 and are legally adults — your husband has no legal obligation to continue supporting them. You may be awarded spousal maintenance for a period of time to allow you to transition to independence, but the courts increasingly favour a clean break, so you should prepare for the reality that you may need to return to work. Finally, we need to address the escorts. Morally, his behaviour might be reprehensible to you. Legally, it is largely irrelevant. Since the introduction of no-fault divorce in 2022, the courts do not punish ‘bad behaviour’ financially unless it has recklessly dissipated the marital assets. The money he spent on escorts is gone, and a judge will not award you a larger share of the house simply because he was unfaithful. Victoria, you are not trapped. You have significant legal rights and entitlements built up over a 15-year marriage. Deals of the Day Wuka launches the UK’s first period-proof swimwear for heavy flows Bridgerton fans are rushing to buy these new Netflix-inspired perfumes now £12 off The affordable summer wardrobe update you'll wear from rooftop drinks to beach holidays The £7.99 lip balm beauty fans love for glossy, hydrated lips just dropped four new shades This Keskine hydrogel mask could fix your summer skin But freedom has a price and, in your case, that price will be a change in your standard of living. You have to decide which is more valuable to you: Caribbean holidays or your self-respect. Do you have a story you’d like to share? Get in touch by emailing MetroLifestyleTeam@metro.co.uk Arrow MORE: I cleared my £30,000 debt by living in a London hostel for a year Arrow MORE: My mum insists I’m her ‘best friend’ — and it’s starting to impact my love life Arrow MORE: ‘Dry begging’ is the ‘nauseating’ habit driving couples apart The Slice Your free newsletter guide to the best London has on offer, from drinks deals to restaurant reviews.