My husband and I had threesome with stranger… but now I’m worried I’m pregnant after I kept meeting him for secret sex

DEAR DEIDRE: MY husband and I had an electric threesome with a stranger. But I’ve since been meeting this man for secret sex – and now I’m worried I’m pregnant. I know I am heading for drama and fully realise I have brought this on myself. However, I’m looking for ­practical help because a pregn­ancy would give the game away. My husband and I are in our late-30s and have a son who is at primary school. We have built a good life and have been married for 12 years. My husband is my soulmate. We’ve always been adventurous sexually and enjoy trying new things. So when my husband suggested a threesome, although I felt a little nervous, I was also really excited. Live Chat and Contact Dear Deidre Live Chat with one of our trained counsellors Monday to Thursday from 1pm to 4pm. In Live Chat Hours:On your desktop or mobile, a ‘live chat with us’ button will appear below. Click it, and the chat box will appear and you will be connected with one of Deidre’s team. If you’re on the The Sun app, click here. If you would like to contact any of the counsellors outside of these hours, you can contact us:Via email: deardeidre@the-sun.co.ukOr send a confidential form here.DM us on Instagram: @Dear DeidreDM us on Facebook: @DearDeidreOfficial We chose the man through a website — he is a couple of years older than us — and arranged to meet him at a hotel. Getting ready to meet him was such a thrill and we all really hit it off, right from meeting in the hotel bar. The night was so much fun and we both enjoyed the experience. It certainly boosted our sex life. But what my husband doesn’t know is this man later contacted me to ask if I fancied a one-to-one hook-up. Stupidly, I agreed and we’ve had sex three times since. We used the withdrawal method but I’m worried I could be pregnant as my period is a few days late. Any baby could only be this man’s as my husband has had a vasectomy.I can’t face going to my doctor, who knows our family. What can I do? I don’t want to leave my husband or break up my family. DEIDRE SAYS: There are so many issues here, but the most pressing has to be your sexual health and contraception awareness. You don’t need a GP referral to get support from sexual health clinics. Look at nhs.uk for local services. Please get urgent advice, as the withdrawal method is not effective, and, as you’re not using condoms, you are also risking your sexual health and your husband’s. This man may have told you he’s only sleeping with you, but how well do you really know him? Apart from risking pregnancy and STIs, you’re jeopardising so much more – your family and your marriage. Please stop this affair and focus on your marriage before you cause irreparable damage. If you don’t think you can go back to monogamy, you need to be honest with your husband and ask if he would open your relationship. My support packs, Open Relationships and Cheating, Can You Get Over It?, provide much more advice. DESPERATE TO GET BACK WITH WIFE DEAR DEIDRE: WITHIN a year, I have gone from living an enviable lifestyle with a lovely family, to existing in a crummy flat alone. I ran a successful plumbing business and worked hard all my life. My wife never wanted to work and concentrated on bringing up our two sons. My business did well and we never wanted for anything. Then I made the mistake of teaming up with the wrong guy. He convinced me he could help me take my business to the next level and we became commercial partners. Sadly, he started defrauding me and used my business to cover his criminal activities. As my name was on all the documents, I’m now being investigated. Despite providing a good life for my family, my wife is so angry that I got us into this mess. She is demanding a divorce and has thrown me out. I miss her, my sons and my home, but she will only talk to me through the lawyers that I am ­paying for. I never cheated on her or raised a hand, but at the first sign of problems, she has jumped ship. She says I hid the truth from her, but I was simply trying to protect her. Since the police turned up at our house to investigate the case, she has refused to talk to me. What should I do? I’m desperate to get back together. If I refuse to pay any more money, that would make her ­listen surely! DEIDRE SAYS: It is very likely that your wife is in shock and struggling to cope with the stress of events and your investigation. If she was completely in the dark about what was happening, the police turning up on her doorstep would have been very traumatic. You will need support through this worrying time so please contact Report Fraud (formerly called Action Fraud) at reportfraud.police.uk for advice. I’m afraid if your wife is insistent that she wants a divorce, you can’t force her to change her mind. You can however write to her, setting out exactly what happened and apologising. If she still won’t communicate, explore whether she would agree to attend family mediation sessions. Explain you want to work out an amicable solution for your children who will feel very unsettled by this recent rupture in their lives. You can find out more through National Family Mediation (nfm.org.uk). SEX-HELP CLINIC DEAR DEIDRE: WALKING in on my partner to find him pleasuring himself was devastating – not because I’m a prude, but because we hadn’t had sex for months. I’m 43, my partner is 44, and we’ve been together for ten years. The last few times we attempted any intimacy, he couldn’t even get an erection. On the first occasion, I was understanding. But when it kept happening, I realised the reason he couldn’t get aroused with me was because he obviously didn’t fancy me. Then we both got really busy with our families and work, and any thoughts of sex went out the window. I found the whole experience and collapse of our sex life pretty upsetting and humiliating, as I realised he clearly wasn’t turned on by me any more. So when I walked in on him masturbating with his laptop open, I felt even worse. He was really embarrassed after I found him watching it, but all he said was it’s natural and all men watch porn. What can I do? If he’s not interested in me, it’s a pretty depressing state of affairs. I feel so low and I’m genuinely considering finishing the relationship.What do you think? DEIDRE SAYS: It’s true that watching porn will not be helping your sexual relationship – but it’s probably not in the way that you think. Your partner may well have become over-reliant on porn. When this happens, the individual becomes so used to their own touch that connecting with a real-life partner becomes a challenge. This will not be because he doesn’t feel attracted to you any longer – he may even have turned more to porn because there is no pressure to perform, unlike with a real person. Many men feel a sense of failure when they can’t get an erection and then default to “safer” alternatives to get their relief, not realising this only causes further disconnection in the relationship. The good news is that it is entirely possible to reverse this pattern. My support pack, Pornography Worry, explains where you can get effective help. WOMEN MAKES DIGS ABOUT MY LOOKS DEAR DEIDRE: WHEN I was young, I was very attractive. Other women were jealous and men were always eyeing me up. I had my pick of the lot. Now I’m approaching 60, my looks have gone but I still care about my appearance and make an effort with it. However, other women constantly comment on my face, and I’m getting fed up with them. Every day, there is someone who thinks it’s OK to recommend some beauty product to me or make little digs about how tired I look. Why do these women think they are welcome to make such personal comments? DEIDRE SAYS: I am sorry women feel entitled to make comments about your appearance. Of course you want to look your best. It is likely that some people who notice you haven’t given up on yourself might feel a bit intimidated because they have. Their comments say more about them than you. My support pack, Stand­ing Up For Yourself, out­lines how to be assertive without being rude and would be worth a read. GRANDSON WON’T STOP KICKING OFF DEAR DEIDRE: AS soon as he walks in from school, my 12-year-old grandson kicks off about anything and everything. Whatever his mum does to try to placate him only seems to make it worse. Either the snacks aren’t right or she’s in trouble for not charging his iPad or the dog is in the way. Whatever she does, he is rude and aggressive. I’ve seen it with my own eyes, and it’s unbelievable. My daughter tries to get through to him, but even talking to him leads to a drama. What can we do? DEIDRE SAYS: From what you’ve said, it’s clear your grandson is a very unhappy child. Could you or his mum ask him if there is anything happening at school that is unsettling? Also, it may be worth considering if he is neurodivergent. Many autistic children use up so much energy at school all day trying to fit in, that they are exhausted by the time they get home and the challenging be­haviour could be due to being so overwhelmed. It may be worth looking at The National Autistic Society (autism.org.uk).