My husband and I are on a break from our marriage – so I’m bedding lots of men and don’t want to give up all this fun

DEAR DEIDRE: MY husband and I are on a break from our marriage, but while he’s been overdosing on sport and nights at the pub, I’ve been having spicy times with lots of men. We are in our late forties and are empty nesters after our only son went to university. There is no doubt we love each other, but being in one another’s pockets for over 25 years has made life boring. We still had sex but it was always in the missionary position and on a Saturday night. On my sabbatical, I’ve been having the most amazing time with men of all ages and I’m really concerned about going back to our tedious sex routine. He was the one who suggested we take a break, saying he’d move to his brother’s flat while I remained in the family home. Live Chat and Contact Dear Deidre Live Chat with one of our trained counsellors Monday to Thursday from 1pm to 4pm. In Live Chat Hours:On your desktop or mobile, a ‘live chat with us’ button will appear below. Click it, and the chat box will appear and you will be connected with one of Deidre’s team. If you’re on the The Sun app, click here. If you would like to contact any of the counsellors outside of these hours, you can contact us:Via email: deardeidre@the-sun.co.ukOr send a confidential form here.DM us on Instagram: @Dear DeidreDM us on Facebook: @DearDeidreOfficial I was reluctant at first, but he said it would help us to appreciate each other again. So, eventually, I agreed. There are only two conditions — that we are apart for ten weeks and we never talk about what we got up to. The thing is, I have a friend who goes out with one of his best mates and she tells me all he does is watch sports and go down the pub. Meanwhile, I’ve had a threesome, a one-night stand with a man 15 years my junior and have been taken on holiday to Ibiza by a club promoter. I am panicking at the thought of having to give up all this fun. We’re eight weeks into our sabbatical and I’m determined to make the most of my final two weeks, but what then? DEIDRE SAYS: You’ve been living in an unrealistic bubble and now that the time is looming to make a decision, you’re unsettled. Long-term relationships often become stale as the couple have children and inevitably spend less quality time together. Unsurprisingly, you’ve enjoyed the attention of other men and a break from the routine. But now you have a decision to make. Do you go back to your husband and work on the intimacy and your sexual connection which, in turn, will improve your relationship? Or do you call time on your marriage, opening the door to more sexual adventures? Only you can decide what is right for you. You love your husband and the physical side can be improved if you both start to talk about changes you’d like. Meanwhile, your current life is particularly exciting because everything is new and illicit. But ask yourself, would you get bored and miss the real intimacy you have with your husband, someone who knows and cares for you? A relationship counsellor would help you get through this dilemma. Try tavistockrelationships.org. SHE’S GONE STONE COLD IN BEDROOM DEAR DEIDRE: AT the start of my marriage, everything was brilliant – but things have now cooled off in the bedroom. My wife and I are in our early fifties and it is the second marriage for both of us. We have been together for nearly 15 years. I was open about the fact I’d found the lack of intimacy with my first wife very frustrating and my second wife seemed to relish proving to me how much she loved sex. We’d spend long mornings in bed enjoying each other and I really felt I’d met my soul mate. She was adventurous and we never got stuck in a rut sexually. However, her attitude towards sex has cooled to the point of being stone cold. She recently told me she wouldn’t be interested in penetrative sex again and I should consider myself lucky because she would accept oral sex. I’m devastated to find myself facing this all-too-familiar scenario. I’ve tried talking to her, but my wife is so strong-willed there is no discussion or convincing her otherwise. Of course, sex isn’t the only important element in our relationship and we still get on. I love her, but I am really missing that feeling of closeness that we used to have. I worry that we are drifting into more of a friendship relationship. How can I get through to her and convince her not to give up on sex altogether? DEIDRE SAYS: This isn’t just about sex, this is about how you communicate. Think about your sexual relationship as part of your relationship, just as sexual health is simply a part of your health. You have mentioned missing the closeness of intimacy and this is because sex is good for our mental health and also improves the connection between a couple. The fact your wife has recently changed her attitude towards sex, coupled with her age, suggests she is likely to be menopausal. Many women experience a lower libido at this time as their hormones change. This change can lead to vaginal dryness, which leads to pain during intercourse. So talk to your wife and explore whether she would consider hor-mone replacement therapy, which would alleviate these symptoms. Being considerate and making her feel valued throughout the day, rather than just before intercourse, will help reignite her desire for sex. My support packs, Reviving A Woman’s Sex Drive and Menopause Explained, have more information. SEX HELP CLINIC DEAR DEIDRE: WITH a new baby daughter this should be the happiest time of my life, but my boyfriend cheated on me and the first I knew of it was when I developed a burning sensation. He has given me a sexually transmitted infection. I’m 32 and he’s 34 and our daughter is eight months old. He wanted a family and was a good partner until the reality of becoming a new parent hit home. All the sleepless nights have definitely taken their toll on our relationship. We’re constantly snapping at each other and I knew things were going downhill, but it was only when I started to feel a horrible burning sensation when I went to the toilet that I knew something was very wrong. Before I confronted him I got an STI kit and was terrified when I tested positive for ureaplasma. At first he tried to deny he’d cheated, but when I waved my test results in front of him, he finally caved in and admitted he’d got back in touch with his ex and they had a “one-off” night together. I’m devastated that he would risk my health. I don’t want to be anywhere near him. What can I do to get rid of this STI? DEIDRE SAYS: The first point to know is that ureaplasma is not classed as a sexually transmitted infection and roughly 85 per cent of people carry ureaplasma, which is a common type of bacteria. It is found naturally in the urinary and genital tracts and is a normal part of your body’s bacterial population. For the most part it won’t cause any problems, however, if it overgrows it can cause inflammation and other painful symptoms, like the burning you are experiencing when you go to the toilet. Ureaplasma can be passed during sexual contact, so there is a chance your boyfriend gave it to you from his night with his ex, but it is more likely that you already had it. Please book an appointment with your local sexual health clinic (there is a list of them at nhs.uk). They can advise you if they think you need treatment and, if they think you do, they are likely to prescribe you antibiotics. EX HATED MY LOVE FOR CHESNEY DEAR DEIDRE: MY ex had an issue with my love for Chesney Hawkes.He accused me of being obsessed with the singer, which I denied. I simply love his music – not the man. I’m a 44-year-old woman and my ex is 46. But because I booked tickets with a girlfriend to go and see Chesney in concert, my ex threw his toys out of the pram – accusing me of disrespecting him. It was the final straw. We had a massive row, but it wasn’t the first time he’d made a massive deal out of nothing. I finished with him but he hasn’t accepted that we’re over. Since then he’s been messaging me saying he misses me and he’s got me a present. I’ve ignored him and now he’s getting on to me for being ungrateful.I advise you to keep well away. DEIDRE SAYS: You’ve done well to finish with this man, who deliberately inflames situations to try to control you. You have broken away, don’t let him reel you back in by playing the victim. My support pack, Moving On, will help you. SO ANXIOUS AT MY NEW SOCIAL MEDIA JOB DEAR DEIDRE: MY anxiety has been off the scale ever since starting my new job. I’m 28 and work for a social media company as an account manager. I’m good at my role but the team is so on-trend that I second guess myself the whole time. Yet everyone I’ve met has been lovely, but I simply can’t shake off this feeling of being inadequate. What can I do? I don’t want to leave my new job but I feel so out of my depth. DEIDRE SAYS: You are feeling anxious about standing out and being ridiculed, so you likely had negative experiences in the past that are affecting you now, or perhaps you have low self-esteem. Either way it will help you to start building up your confidence. Make sure you are seeing friends and family outside of work for balance. And any time you say something negative to yourself, take note and remind yourself to be kind. Don’t say things to yourself that you wouldn’t say to others. My support pack, Living With Anxiety, has advice.