My huge mid-life belly killed my confidence in bed – then almost cost me my life

WHEN Debs Dunham’s stomach started growing, she knew other people noticed, too. As she stared into the mirror, she didn’t recognise the person looking back at her – 44 years old, size 16, and her sex life a distant memory. She had been convinced her weight gain was the start of menopause, and tried everything from peppermint tea to spin sessions to shift it, unaware what was lurking in her belly was life-threatening. Debs Dunham noticed that she had gained weight around her stomach, but simply put it down to the start of menopause Credit: Jam Press But soon, she had grown to a size 16, her sex life had faded and she felt uncomfortable in her body Credit: Jam Press Worried, Debs booked an appointment with her doctor, who revealed the horrifying thing growing inside of her – a 20-cm cancerous tumour on her ovary. But despite going into remission after treatment, her figure didn’t recover. She’d scoff her face with double portions and chocolate and before Debs knew it, her clothes were too tight and her breasts were ‘enormous’. At her heaviest, she was 15st 8lbs. Debs, from Swindon, says: “After my operation and the weight gain that followed, I lost so much more than my figure; I lost my confidence, my identity and the way I felt about myself as a woman. “I spent a couple of years hiding from photographs, covering up and doing everything I could to avoid attention. “I struggled getting into a pair of size 16 jeans. I couldn’t believe how much I let myself go. “The penny dropped that something had to change now – and fast.” Now, 51-year-old Debs looks like a new woman, after turning to a popular diet from 2010 that saw her shift over 4st 8lbs in just nine months. The client relationship manager had always led a healthy lifestyle and maintained her size 12 figure before she first noticed changes to her body in 2020. Debs was 15st 8lbs at her heaviest and she tried covering up and hiding from photos to avoid attention Credit: Jam Press But when she tried a popular diet from 2010, she lost more than 4st in just nine months Credit: Jam Press At the time, she was eating muesli for breakfast, chicken salads at lunch and dinners filled with vegetables, as well as fruit-laden snacks. She says: “I had always been active. The gym was part of my routine, and I regularly did spin sessions at home. “Then one day, while cycling, something felt different. Every time I pedalled, my knee seemed to crash into my stomach. “At first, I laughed it off, but it bothered me enough to mention it to my husband. “His response stopped me in my tracks – ‘I didn’t want to say anything’, he said gently, ‘but you do look pregnant’. “The truth was, I’d been thinking the same thing. “I could feel my body changing, and I knew something wasn’t right. What was even more unsettling was that other people were starting to notice, too. “My stomach was growing, and I couldn’t explain why.” Debs visited the pharmacy and asked if there was anything she could take, believing her symptoms could be the start of menopause. “I drank peppermint tea relentlessly and swallowed every anti-bloating remedy I could find, hoping that somehow things would improve, but they didn’t.” The emotional impact was just as devastating for both Debs and her husband. “I stopped undressing in front of my husband because I was embarrassed by what I had become,” says Debs. The weight around Debs’ stomach, pictured here, was actually caused by a 20cm tumour on her ovary Credit: Jam Press Doctors discovered the tumour in April 2020 and operated on it a month later Credit: Jam Press “None of my clothes fitted anymore. I didn’t want him to touch me. I felt disconnected from myself and terrified of what was happening.” Debs eventually made an appointment with her GP, where she explained that she’d also been having severe muscle pain in her back. It led to an MRI scan days later, which is when “fear truly set in”, Debs says. “After my MRI scan, the calls from the hospital started,” she says. “The news was devastating.” In April 2020, doctors found a 20-cm tumour growing on her ovary. To find out if it was cancerous, they’d need to operate a month later. Debs says: “I was stunned. It felt like I was trapped in slow motion, watching my life unravel.” Symptoms of ovarian cancer – which include feeling bloated, pain or tenderness in your tummy and an urgent need to urinate- are not always obvious, meaning the disease is sometimes diagnosed at a later stage. Other symptoms include indigestion, constipation or diarrhoea, back pain and feeling tired all the time. According to the NHS, these symptoms could be a sign of the disease if they are experienced roughly 12 or more times a month. There are around 7,700 new cases of ovarian cancer in the UK every year and it is predicted this figure could rise to around 9,400 by 2040, according to Cancer Research UK. In the UK, incidence rates for this type of cancer are highest in women aged 80 to 84. Fluid began building up in Debs’ stomach while she was waiting to have surgery on her tumour Credit: Jam Press She said her stomach became so swollen that she looked like she was six months pregnant Credit: Jam Press It is estimated that just under 40 per cent of women diagnosed with ovarian cancer survive their disease for ten years or more. As Debs waited for her surgery a month later, fluid began building up inside her abdomen at an alarming rate. “My stomach became so swollen that I looked around six months pregnant,” she says. “The pressure inside my body was unbearable. My organs were being pushed upwards. “I struggled to eat. I struggled to drink. I couldn’t sleep. Every breath felt like a battle.” One night, Debs convinced herself she was dying as her chest felt tight and panic overwhelmed her. “My husband called an ambulance as I sat there terrified that I wasn’t going to survive,” says Debs. At hospital, doctors drained an astonishing seven-and-a-half litres of fluid from her abdomen. “As the fluid drained away, it was like watching a balloon slowly deflate,” she says. “For the first time in months, I could recognise myself in the mirror again. “Before my operation could take place, the fluid started building up again.” Another five litres of fluid from her stomach. Eventually, the day of her operation came – May 20, 2020 – and she had an entire hysterectomy, which cured her cancer. It meant that Debs would not be able to have children – something she had longed for, but hadn’t happened yet. Debs underwent a hysterectomy in May 2020, which cured her cancer Credit: Jam Press She finally got her figure back but this did not last long, as the hysterectomy plunged her into menopause and she watched her weight climb Credit: Jam Press She finally had her figure back – but not for long. The hysterectomy plunged her into menopause and she watched her weight creep up over the next year. Menopause, both natural and surgical, can make weight management harder due to a drop in hormones. Fed up of feeling low, in September 2023, Debs took up using Jane Plan after seeing an advert. “It supported weight loss through healthy portion-controlled meals delivered to your door,” she says. For £259-per-month, meals were waiting on her doorstep, which she says were ‘reasonably portioned’. She’d have a bowl of muesli or granola for breakfast, soup and fruit for lunch and cottage pie or chilli for dinner. She could have a small chocolate bar or biscuit as a snack. After two weeks, over 8lbs was lost and, within one month, over a stone had been shed. She says: “As the pounds fell off, I got my spark back.” Debs is proud to say she didn’t use weight loss jabs to lose weight. “For someone my size at the time, I think this approach was better [than using jabs]. “I’m not opposed to weight-loss jabs at all and I can absolutely see why they’re beneficial for some people. “However, for me personally, I felt I was still active and capable of exercising, so focusing on healthier eating and portion control felt like the right route to take. “It helped me change my relationship with food and re-educated me on what a proper portion looks like. “I wasn’t just losing weight; I was learning how to eat properly.” Jane finally decided to do something about her weight gain and tried Jane Plan in 2023 Credit: Jam Press What to know about ovarian cancer Ovarian cancer is when abnormal cells in the ovary or fallopian tube grow and divide in an uncontrolled way forming a tumour. It mostly affects women over the age of 50 and can sometimes run in families, according to the NHS. Ovarian cancer is often diagnosed late, due to vague symptoms, but early diagnosis can mean it is more treatable. Symptoms include frequently (roughly 12 or more times a month) having: A swollen tummy or feeling bloated Pain or tenderness in your tummy or the area between your hips No appetite or feeling full quickly after eating An urgent need to pee or needing to pee more often Indigestion Constipation or diarrhoea Back pain Feeling tired all the time Losing weight without trying Unusual bleeding from the vagina, including between periods, heavier periods or after the menopause Sources: NHS and Cancer Research UK Debs lost 4st 8lbs over nine months and has kept it off, too. “I’m so proud of how far I’ve come,” she says. “One of the most empowering moments of my journey was finding the confidence to step in front of [my husband’s] camera in my underwear – something I would never have imagined doing before. “For the first time in years, I felt comfortable in my own skin. I wasn’t trying to hide. “Sharing those images felt incredibly liberating. “It gave me back my confidence, my sparkle and a sense of empowerment I thought I’d lost forever.” Her relationship with her husband has improved, too. “As my confidence grew, so did my ability to be myself again, bringing us closer together and helping me reconnect with the side of me that I felt I had lost after my operation,” she says. “Losing weight brought back my confidence, my femininity and a spark in the bedroom that both my husband and I thought had been lost forever.”