My Grown Stepdaughters Tagged My Employer in Their Vicious Complaints About Me. This Is All My Husband’s Fault.

Pay Dirt Photo illustration by Slate. Photo by Jacob Wackerhausen/Getty Images Plus. Pay Dirt is Slate’s money advice column. Have a question? Send it to Kristin and Ilyce here. (It’s anonymous!) Dear Pay Dirt, Before my marriage, we got a prenup since my husband owned his own business, and I owned a townhouse in what has turned into a very hot market. I never had kids and he has three all in their late 20s. My relationship with them is ‘”fine.” We are not close, but it has all been civil—until now. His two daughters are moving in together and are determined to live in the cool trendy area rather than what they can afford. Meanwhile, my tenant in my townhouse needs to move and is looking for someone to take over the rest of their lease until the end of the year. I was complaining about this to my husband like he complains to me about his business. I didn’t think he would go behind my back and tell his daughters and suggest they move in! One does not have a job, their credit is horrid, and they have repeatedly called on their dad to pay their bills. It is a situation that I will not touch with a 100-foot pole. I told him there is no way in hell they can move in and that the subject was closed. Only his daughters thought it was a done deal and are furious that I “backed out.” They have bitched about me to family and friends, and worst of all, on social media, where they tagged my employer. I work in a public-facing position and had the humiliation of being called in by my boss and shown these posts. I called my husband in a fury and told him that if his little shitheads did not delete these posts that I would be moving into the townhouse and looking for a divorce attorney the next day. It wasn’t my finest hour, but I felt justified. My husband got his girls to delete the posts, but we are still quarreling over the situation. His daughters are in their 20s. They aren’t toddlers. This behavior is so out of bounds it is in another state. The entire mess is the fault of my husband, and he refuses to see it that way. I asked him what he would feel like if I pressured him to take on my nephew, the felon, at his work and then slandered him publicly if he said “no.” He said this situation was nothing like that. I haven’t even gotten an apology from his daughters. They just said they “went too far.” We were planning on a big family holiday overseas, paying for the kids to come as well. Now, I don’t feel like shelling out thousands of dollars and being around people who would treat me like this. I haven’t brought it up because I know that it will cause another fight. And for the record, his ex-wife and his son are appalled as well. She even called me to personally apologize for what her daughters did. I really don’t know if this is just a pothole to get over or a sinkhole that will only get worse. Help! —Sinking Dear Sinking, The last line in your answer is the right question: Can you get through this pothole, or have his daughters revealed how far they’ll go to control their father and muck up your relationship and your life? I’m not sure your issues with your stepdaughters can be fixed, so let’s turn to the fact that your husband refuses to see that his blunder, however innocent it was, has caused lasting damage to your marriage. It’s one thing to tell your daughters you know of a rental property that may be available. It’s quite another to promise something that isn’t yours! And then, after your children try to shame your wife publicly into giving them a place to live they can’t afford, , to act like it’s no big deal after she gets hauled into the boss’s office—I mean, whew! Your husband has shown you who he is: a kind but misguided soul who seems OK with having his children run his life. Forget about the vacation for now. The most important thing you can do is to sit down with your husband and have him answer these two questions: What does he think should have happened? And what should happen now? I think he should never have told the girls anything about your financial life. And the girls should have never trashed you on social media or put your job in jeopardy. Both he and the girls owe you an apology. If you don’t get it, you should assume this is the way it’s going to be going forward. If it is, it’s untenable. At least you know you already have a place to live. —Ilyce More Advice From Slate I’m a 24-year-old woman with a 27-year-old guy. We’ve been together for almost a year, and he’s one of the most amazing, inspiring people I’ve ever met. I see myself becoming family with him. But I’m struggling with how to tell him about my past. Never miss new Slate Advice columns Get the latest from Prudie and our columnists in your inbox each weekday, plus special bonus letters on Saturdays. Advice Personal Finance Relationships