My girlfriend’s sister is trying to seduce me and keeps offering no-strings sex… what should I do?

DEAR DEIDRE: MY girlfriend’s older sister keeps texting me, offering me no-strings sex. It’s all such a mess and I really never wanted to get into a situation like this. I’m a man of 25 and my girlfriend is a couple of years younger. We met through some mutual friends. She came along as a mate of a work colleague when we had some drinks one evening. We ended up standing next to one another as the pub got busier and we were very physically close. Sign up for the Dear Deidre newsletter Thank you! We had a laugh, so I invited her on a date the next evening, promising it would be quieter. That went really well too, so we started seeing one another regularly. She still lives with her mum and her 25-year-old sister. She’s lovely, single and runs a yoga studio. WhatsApp and Contact Dear Deidre WhatsApp, DM, or email our experienced counsellors for a free, comprehensive response. One evening, I went to see my girlfriend but she was stuck in traffic and her mum was out. Her sister invited me in and offered me a glass of wine. One turned into two and my girlfriend still wasn’t home. Her sister started showing me photos on her phone and, when I turned towards her to make a comment, she kissed me on the lips. I was taken aback but hugely turned on. We started kissing passionately. She put her hand down the front of my trousers and I’m sure we’d have had sex if my girlfriend hadn’t arrived home at that point. We heard a key in the door and her sister whispered, “let’s catch up soon” then disappeared upstairs while I frantically sorted myself out. My girlfriend was so stressed about how late she was, she didn’t notice a thing when she came into the lounge. Now, I’m getting texts from her sister, suggesting we “finish what we started”. Help! DEIDRE SAYS: Although she seduced you, be the mature person here and tell her that you made a big mistake. Explain that you only have feelings for her sister and she’d be better off with her own partner. That way, she’s not risking damaging her relationship with her sibling (what older sister makes a play for her younger sister’s boyfriend anyway?). Insist that you’ll never be more than friends. From then on, ignore her texts and block her if she persists. That should end the harassment. I’m sure she wouldn’t want her sister and mum to find out about her betrayal. To give yourself some breathing room, make sure you avoid being left alone with her from now on. WE HAVE LOST THE PASSION DEAR DEIDRE: I’VE gone off sex because it takes so long for my partner to get aroused. I fear that I’m the problem. He’s 42 and I’m 35. We have been living together for a year and recently our sex life has fallen off a cliff. We used to be at it three or four times a week. Now, we’re lucky if it’s once a month. I love the bones of him but sex is such a huge effort now. It takes me ages to get him aroused and the whole time I’m worried he’s thinking about somebody else. He’s told me that he thinks I don’t fancy him any more, especially if I turn him down for sex when I’m tired but that’s not the case at all.When we finally are able to have sex, it’s great. DEIDRE SAYS: Stress, depression and looking at pornography can sap the libido. Perhaps he has been concerned about your finances since you moved in together. When you have a dry spell, it takes a concerted effort to bring things back to where they were, so it’s time for a heart-to-heart. Explain that you’re missing intimacy and you want things to be as good as they were before. My support pack, Sex Play Therapy, will show you some exercises that sex therapists use. These entail building up sexual feelings through touch, but resisting having intercourse for a few weeks. This should help you both. You can also read my support pack, Solving Erection Problems. I FEAR FOR LITTLE BOY NEXT DOOR DEAR DEIDRE: I DON’T know who to call about a little boy who is looked after by the childminder next door. All I hear is him screaming and crying while she ignores him. My neighbour is a difficult person to deal with. She’s 34 and a single mum herself. I’m 40 and married with two kids of my own. I try to keep on the right side of her. When she knows I’m going shopping and gives me a list, I don’t mind picking up a few bits for her. When I bring her groceries, I can see she has a few toys out, but he doesn’t seem stimulated. He’s got learning difficulties and, from what I’ve witnessed, she watches TV or scrolls on her phone while the child tries to get her attention. I’ve seen her fuss around him when his parents arrive. I don’t think he’s being abused but, if I was his mum, I’d be upset. Who can I talk to? DEIDRE SAYS: Can you “bump into” his parents one evening and casually mention you hear their son crying quite a lot? Explain that you’d prefer not to be mentioned, but it might be good if they were to make an unexpected visit to assess the situation. If you know of local toddler groups, perhaps you could suggest she joins one or two to get this little boy playing with others. Find emotional support and understanding through nspcc.org.uk (0808 800 5000). HE TOOK OFF HIS WEDDING RING DEAR DEIDRE: I WAS devastated to find my husband’s wedding ring in his jeans pocket when I loaded the washing machine. I feel worthless. He’s always eyeing up women who are stick thin and wear next to nothing. I’m 33 and have just had our second baby. I’m overweight and a mess and now I think my husband may be cheating on me. He went out with his mates last weekend and later, I was putting a wash on and went through any pockets, as I always do. I sat with the ring in my hand for ages, staring at it and wondering if I should pack my bags and take the kids to Mum’s. Instead, I waited for him to come in from work. I was cool with him and he could tell something was up. I put the children to bed, then poured myself a large glass of wine and put the ring on the table. He saw it and started getting flustered, telling me he took it off before he went into the pool for our four-year-old son’s swimming lesson and he couldn’t get it back on. He’s never had a problem with it before. I don’t believe him. I think he went out with his mates, hoping he’d get with somebody. DEIDRE SAYS: You don’t have proof that he has cheated and, while he might have taken it off to hide he was married, he may have got flustered because of how that would look. There is also a possibility he is telling the truth. While you have no conclusive evidence, you can tell him you’re not feeling good about yourself and that you feel undermined when he ogles other women. Ask him to stop this unpleasant habit, and to do more around the house and with the children so you have time to rest and look after yourself. My support pack, called Raising Self-esteem, will help. It would also be worth considering whether you could be suffering from post-natal depression. The pandasfoundation.org.uk (0808 1961 776) can help you with this. Comment now