My Girlfriend’s New Clothes Are Making Her Look Unpolished and Unprofessional

Dear Prudence I don’t want to make her feel bad, but it’s obvious. Advice by Enter your email to receive alerts for this author. Sign in or create an account to better manage your email preferences. Unsubscribe from email alerts Are you sure you want to unsubscribe from email alerts for Jenée Desmond-Harris? Sept 30, 20266:00 AM Photo illustration by Slate. Photo by kwanchaichaiudom/Getty Images Plus. Sign up for the Slatest to get the most insightful analysis, criticism, and advice out there, delivered to your inbox daily. Dear Prudence is Slate’s advice column. Submit questions here. Dear Prudence, My girlfriend and I are both women. In the past two years, she’s put on some weight (stress, health stuff, other changes), which isn’t my business. As she buys new clothes, she either goes up one size or doesn’t go up at all. The new clothes look small on her, and I don’t know if I should say anything and, if so, what to say. I’m hyper-sensitive to my own weight shifts over time, so I don’t want to put that on her. I will always size up if my clothes create a bulge at the waist or are super tight on my thighs. Too-tight clothes look unpolished and unprofessional, especially for work or formal events, and she has a lot of both this fall. Is this not my business, or should I try to say something about trying another size? —Trying Not to Be Insensitive Dear Trying Not to Be Insensitive, You might be able to say something or at least drop a hint, but you’ll need to wait for a good opening. For example, in response to a compliment on your clothes, you could say, “Thanks! This is three sizes bigger than what I’d normally get, but I realized the number doesn’t actually matter as long as I like the way it looks.” Or if she asks you for input or expresses insecurity (“Does this look OK or do I look like a can of biscuits?”), you can respond, “You look amazing, but if you’re not comfortable, it will show and take away from the overall effect. Try it with a top that gives you more breathing room, especially since the oversized look is in.” If you don’t have the opportunity, trust that she’ll either see a photo of herself, try on something two sizes bigger and realize how much of an improvement it is, or decide that she loves her current look—in which case, great, she can keep it. I think it’s wonderful that you want her to look her best, but you care about her feelings more than her silhouette. Remember to let that inform anything you say or decide not to say. Classic Prudie I enjoy hiking alone sometimes. It is meditative, and I enjoy controlling the pace and route. I think I take necessary precautions by choosing well-traveled paths, letting someone know about my plans, and picking trails that I am certain I can handle. My boyfriend thinks it is unsafe to hike alone and begs me not to do it anymore… Advice Dear Prudence Marriage