My girlfriend is expecting our baby any day – but I also unintentionally had sex with her mum

DEAR DEIDRE: MY girlfriend is expecting our baby any day, but the situation is complicated because I’ve had sex with both her and her mother. It wasn’t intentional. I’m a 30-year-old roofer and I met her mother, a 44-year-old artist, while I was working on her garden studio. We bonded during breaks and, when I was finishing up one evening, she handed me a ticket to her exhibition. Even though I know nothing about art, I went along to support her. Her stuff was pretty impressive. Sign up for the Dear Deidre newsletter Thank you! After the event, she asked for a lift home. Before she got out of the car, she thanked me and kissed me full on the mouth. She then asked me if I wanted to go in for a drink. That kiss led to us having an incredible, intense sexual encounter. Live Chat and Contact Dear Deidre Live Chat with one of our trained counsellors Monday to Thursday from 1pm to 4pm. In Live Chat Hours:On your desktop or mobile, a ‘live chat with us’ button will appear below. Click it, and the chat box will appear and you will be connected with one of Deidre’s team. If you’re on the The Sun app, click here. If you would like to contact any of the counsellors outside of these hours, you can contact us:Via email: deardeidre@the-sun.co.ukOr send a confidential form here.DM us on Instagram: @Dear DeidreDM us on Facebook: @DearDeidreOfficial We dated briefly, during which time her 23-year-old daughter jokingly dubbed me “Mum’s toyboy”. But the fling ended when her ex returned from the Middle East and she decided to reconcile with him. She kept saying I deserved the chance to have my own children. A few weeks later, I ran into her daughter on a night out. She had recently become single, and we had a great chat. That evening, we realised there was strong sexual chemistry between us and we met again the following week, and started dating. Despite the awkward history, she wasn’t bothered by my past with her mother. Now, we are excitedly awaiting our first child. However, my own mother is horrified. She refuses to acknowledge her grandchild, claiming I slept with my “mother-in-law”. I just wish she could be happy about becoming a grandmother. DEIDRE SAYS: While your family dynam­ic is certainly unusual, you have all been honest with each other. Your priority now must be supporting your girlfriend through the birth. Once the baby arrives and you feel ready for visitors, reach out to your mother again. Often, the presence of a new grandchild and the excitement surrounding it will make arguments pale into insignificance. If she continues to be judgmental, firmly explain that your past liaison was a brief, finished chapter and ask that she respects your new family by not mentioning it again. My support pack, Standing Up For Yourself, can help you navigate these difficult conversations. If the estrangement persists despite your efforts, the organisation Stand Alone (standalone.org.uk) offers excellent resources for people who are dealing with family rifts. WIFE KEEN TO WATCH ME CHEAT DEAR DEIDRE: MY wife wants me to have sex with another woman while she watches, but I’m not sure it’s a great idea. This would be a dream come true to lots of men, but I love my wife and I love our sex life. She’s 34 and I’m 36. We’ve got two young kids. My mother paid for us to go to Amsterdam for a weekend while she looked after the children. It was brilliant to have a break and some time to ourselves. We went into a sex club and my wife seemed extremely turned on by it. She didn’t want to leave. A little later, after a passionate session in our hotel room, she asked if I would ever considered having sex with somebody else – but not a threesome, she just wants to watch. She’s asked me to think about it. Should I go for it? DEIDRE SAYS: No. If you’re in any doubt, just don’t do it. These sorts of liaisons may sound fun and for many they are, but unless you are 100 per cent keen on the idea, it is likely to be stressful and upsetting. Suggest to your wife that you spice things up using some tips and ideas in my support pack, 50 Ways To Add Fun To Sex. My other pack, called Non-monogamy, will give you a helpful framework to discuss these issues. If she’s still not satisfied, this may need a deeper conversation about your marriage and relationship, for instance, do women hold more attraction for her than she is saying? MY SOCIAL LIFE UPSETS BOYFRIEND DEAR DEIDRE: IF I have a good night out with friends and come home a bit tipsy my boyfriend blanks me. We’re polar opposites. He’s 26 and rarely drinks, but I’m 25 and I’ve enjoyed drinking ever since I went to university. I work in a sales environment so there are plenty of opportunities to go out after work and with the hot weather we’ve been having, it doesn’t take much for a colleague to suggest going to the pub. I always message my boyfriend to say I’ll be home late. I invite him along, but he always says no. We have a great relationship but if I say I’m meeting some friends, he gets funny with me. Now I’m turning down nights out on a Friday. I enjoy socialising but I don’t like feeling guilt-tripped for having a nice time. DEIDRE SAYS: If he sees you as out of control, then he could be worried about your safety. But if he’s the same after you have a glass of wine or two, then perhaps his association with alcohol has been challenged because of bad experiences from a parent, a relative or even himself. However if it’s more about controlling you and wanting to keep you at home, should you be together? Talk to him about it, when you’re sober with no plans to go out. See if you can dig deeper into his reticence towards your drinking. GASLIT OVER HIS SECRET TEXTING DEAR DEIDRE: I THOUGHT my partner and I were happy together but he spent hours texting other women so I threw him out. But I can’t deny the reality – I miss him so much. I’m 27 and I’m two months off giving birth to our third child. My partner consistently texted other women and tried to cover his tracks. He made me feel so paranoid. He’s 31 and an estate agent. Feeling eaten up with anxiety, I hacked into his social media one night while he was working late. What I found was devastating: he had been messaging several women, including a colleague. I called him out on it as soon as he got home and he had the cheek to try to gaslight me saying I was imagining it. However, I had taken screenshots and he couldn’t wriggle out of it. I didn’t want to have an argument in front of the children so he said he would leave. He is now at his mother’s and if I know him, he’s probably trying to get a hook-up right now. I miss him so much though. The kids are asking for him. I need his support when I give birth to this baby. The other part of me feels like I want to get in touch with this colleague’s husband. I believe that he has got a right to the truth too, hasn’t he? DEIDRE SAYS: He does, but seeking revenge may make your life more stressful. Right now you need to focus on yourself and prepare for the arrival of your new baby. Give your partner the option of being there for the birth. Let’s hope he accepts. But if he doesn’t, have another birthing partner lined up as a back-up. Arrange for someone to be on standby to care for your other children too. After delivery, when you’re feeling stronger, suggest that if you are going to allow him home for good, some things will have to change. You’re in the driving seat now. My support pack, Cheating – Can You Get Over It?, explains next steps and where you can find some good couples’ counselling. Comment now