My Friend Stuck Their Neck Out for Me and Got Me a Job. Uh, I Feel Like I’ve Been Hoodwinked!

Good Job Photo illustration by Slate. Photos by Unsplash and korawat thatinchan/istock/Getty Images Plus. Good Job is Slate’s advice column on work. Have a workplace problem big or small? Send it to Laura Helmuth and Doree Shafrir here. (It’s anonymous!) Dear Good Job, I have been looking for a full-time job for over a year. I’ve been getting by with savings and some side gigs during that time, but I really need more work. Finally, two months ago, I got a break. A smallish company owned by a friend-of-a-friend needed someone to do what I do on a part-time basis, with a guaranteed number of hours each month. Still not full-time work, but getting closer. I had an interview with the owner the day my friend sent him my resume, and I started a week later. Now I’ve been there six weeks, but there are red flags everywhere about this place. The “guaranteed hours” works more like a retainer. They are paying me for 20 hours a week, but the work takes twice that, at least, because of the way they require it done. I feel stuck, like I’ve been hoodwinked into accepting a full-time job at half pay and no benefits. I want to quit, but I’m really scared of burning a bridge with my friend who recommended me. And then I’m also worried that it would get around to other friends and they’d stop recommending me for jobs either. How can I get out of this? —Stuck Dear Stuck, Ugh, I’m sorry, it sounds like you were the victim of a bait-and-switch—which sucks at any time, but is especially demoralizing when you’ve been job searching for awhile and it seems like there might finally be some light at the end of the tunnel. But I think you may be catastrophizing a bit about what will happen if you quit. It’s not like you’re planning on storming off the job in the middle of the day and never returning (or at least, I hope not!). Jobs don’t work out all the time, and if you handle it calmly and professionally by giving two weeks’ notice and explaining that the job wasn’t the right fit for you, I don’t think this is going to have any outsize repercussions among your friend group. That said, I think you could start by having a conversation with the owner. Keep track of your hours for a week or two, including what you’re working on. Bring that to the owner and explain that in order for you to get the job done the way they want it, it’s taking you basically double the amount of time budgeted. Tell them that you need to adjust the hours to fit how much you’re actually working, or cut down on what you’re doing so you’re actually working 20 hours. It’s possible they truly don’t realize how long this work is taking you, and have just assumed that it should be able to get done in 20 hours a week. But their response will tell you what you need to know—if they accept what you’re saying and change either the scope or the hours, then I think it’s worth continuing on in the job. If they get defensive or, worse, insulting, then you’ve got your answer and you can feel comfortable about giving them two weeks’ notice. If you do end up going that route, no need to go into great and gory detail about why you’re leaving; just tell them that it wasn’t the right fit, and move on. I would give your friend a heads up as well, just so they’re not hearing about it secondhand and so they can be aware about not referring other people to that job. And if you move on, I’m hoping you’re able to find another role quickly—whether or not it’s a referral from a friend. Please keep questions short (<150 words), and don‘t submit the same question to multiple columns. We are unable to edit or remove questions after publication. Use pseudonyms to maintain anonymity. Your submission may be used in other Slate advice columns and may be edited for publication. Dear Good Job, I’m a server in a nice restaurant. It’s not Michelin starred, but it’s nice for our town. I am a career server. I love this work, and I’m very good at it. My problem is that one of my co-workers doesn’t have the same respect for the job or the customers, and it really upsets me. If I’m on the same shift as her, it can truly ruin my whole night. I just am always aware of her being lazy, rolling her eyes, and just giving off a bad vibe. I feel bad for her tables, and always feel on edge waiting for someone to get upset. (No one has said anything.) Of course, this server’s parents own the restaurant, so that’s why no one has said anything to her. Can you tell me how I can get over this so I can like my job again? —Cares About My Work Dear Cares About My Work, I really appreciate that you care so much about your job, and also for the customers at your restaurant—it sounds like they’re getting a very different experience depending on who their server is. But I think this is a good opportunity for you to practice keeping your head down and focusing on doing your job well. You’re not your nepo baby co-worker’s manager, and her actions shouldn’t affect you. And since her parents own the restaurant, you could be wading into a minefield if you choose to say something about it. Keep your tables happy and don’t worry about what’s happening elsewhere in the restaurant. If she’s really that bad, eventually a customer is going to complain and her parents will be forced to take some kind of action. Or, since it sounds like she’s pretty miserable at the job anyway, maybe she’ll quit. Either way, again, just focus on doing a great job yourself and don’t get involved in this server’s self-destructive tendencies. It’s a lesson that everyone learns eventually, and it’s probably better that you’re learning it now. —Doree Classic Prudie My husband and I recently reconnected with an old friend of his from high school. We all went to the same school; the two of them were fairly close in high school, never dated, while we knew of each other but weren’t really friends. We are all now in our 40s and live in the same area many states away from where we grew up. We have all lived here for 10+ years but only just connected with this old friend at a mutual friend’s birthday party. We had a nice time catching up and agreed to make a better effort to hang out. We thought we had made new/old friends, but now it’s getting very intense very fast and I’m creeped out. 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