My Friend Is Gatekeeping Information About His Career Change. I Need Him to Fess Up!

Good Job Photo illustration by Slate. Photo by stockbusters/Getty Images Plus. Good Job is Slate’s advice column on work. Have a workplace problem big or small? Send it to Laura Helmuth and Doree Shafrir here. (It’s anonymous!) Dear Good Job, A friend of mine from work (office job) quit last year to train in a trade. We hung out recently and he seems really happy. It sounds like this was a good decision for him. I told him I have considered following in his footsteps, and he got really weird and tried to talk me out of it! It really felt like he was gatekeeping his new industry. I would like a change, and it would be great to get some advice from him on how to go about it. What’s the best way to ask? —Need a Change Dear Need a Change, Without knowing more about you and your friend, and the relationship between the two of you, I can’t guess why he’s gatekeeping (or why you feel like he is). But what I can suggest is to be more direct about asking him for advice. I would say, “Hey, I’m thinking about training to become an electrician [or whatever trade you’re interested in]. How did you get started?” If he’s still being weird, then personally I would call him on it. “It feels like you think I shouldn’t become an electrician. Can I ask why?” Maybe he’ll have insights that you haven’t thought of, or maybe it’s something else entirely. But the only way to find out is to have a direct conversation. Good luck, and I hope you’re able to find a fruitful new career path soon. —Doree Classic Prudie My stepsister has always had some screws loose. Our parents married while we were in high school, and she decided then and there that we were in some epic rivalry, despite being in different grades. I would choose an activity, she would copy-cat and had to be competitive, even in the dumbest ways. Never miss new Slate Advice columns Get the latest from Prudie and our columnists in your inbox each weekday, plus special bonus letters on Saturdays. Advice Workplace Jobs