My Fiancé’s … Limitation in Bed Means We Can Only Have Sex One Way. Can I Live Like This Forever?

How to Do It I miss what I once had. Photo illustration by Slate. Photo by Daniel Megias/Getty Images Plus. Sign up for the Slatest to get the most insightful analysis, criticism, and advice out there, delivered to your inbox daily. How to Do It is Slate’s sex advice column. Have a question? Send it to Jessica and Rich here. It’s anonymous! Dear How to Do It, I have been with my fiancé for four years now. We are in a monogamous, respectful relationship, and I am very much in love with him. My issue is that he has a small penis. He has no problem using toys, oral, etc.—basically anything to get me where I need to go. My issue is that because of his size, we are limited to the same position. I prefer to have him instead of the toys, but if I go the rest of my life without doggy style, I’ll be so sad. How do I become OK with not doing what I actually want to do, possibly forever? —I Miss My Doggy Dear I Miss My Doggy, What is it exactly about doggy style that does it for you so well, and is there a way to replicate it with your fiancé? Crossing your legs might provide enough of a squeeze, strap-ons can be worn by people with penises, and there are oodles of extender sleeves out there to try. Can your fiancé use his fingers in that position in a way that is sufficient? If you’ve exhausted all the possibilities and nothing scratches the itch well enough to satisfy you, compare the list of things that doggy brings to your life with the list of sexual activities that are fulfilling with your partner, and what your relationship with him adds to your days in terms of companionship, warmth, intellectual stimulation, and friendship. Put your focus on the latter set of subjects. Think back on how you’ve managed to get through the past four years without this position, and why you’ve continued to commit to your relationship with him more deeply so far. I suspect that if doggy was such an extreme requirement, the relationship wouldn’t have lasted, or at least not stayed monogamous, for this long. To that end, might this be a broader set of pre-wedding jitters? If so, or if your list of all the positives in your relationship feels flimsy, lean on friends and family who can be trusted to protect your privacy and provide potentially helpful insight. —Jessica More Advice From Slate My partner (bisexual cis woman) and I (bisexual cis man) enjoy our local nude beach. She is a freedom-loving, exuberant spirit who detests arbitrary societal rules. I’m a neurotic people pleaser with a gut-level need to make sure everyone’s comfortable and no one’s mad at me. So, a nude beach gives us both a sense of freedom—I get to enjoy being nude and stepping into the taboo in a space where that’s allowed and my partner gets to enjoy her freedom… Advice Sex