My ex clicks his fingers and I hop into bed with him… so why doesn’t he want to get back together?

DEAR DEIDRE: MY ex simply has to click his fingers and I hop back into bed with him. We have such a strong connection — otherwise why would we end up back together? So, I don’t understand why I am second best. We broke up two years ago after I learned he’d cheated on me. When I confronted him, instead of begging for forgiveness, he said he wanted to leave. It was devastating and I don’t think I’ve ever got over him. We’d been together for seven years, but he dumped me for his lover. Sign up for the Dear Deidre newsletter Thank you! He’s 30, and works as a roofer, I’m 27 and we have a four-year-old son. If there was an award for being the best dad, he’d get it. He has our son alternate weekends at his place. He also turns up at mine like clockwork, after work, on Wednesday and Friday. WhatsApp and Contact Dear Deidre WhatsApp, DM, or email our experienced counsellors for a free, comprehensive response. He always puts our son in the bath, plays with him then reads him a bedtime story. After that, we have an hour or so together before he goes back to his hateful girlfriend, who is 25. They met when she employed him to fix some roof tiles. She knew we had a young child when she set her sights on him and I can’t forgive her for that. He’s shallow and she probably showed him some cleavage or talked dirty for him and he fell for it. She doesn’t deserve to have him. I’m hopeless without him though. Needless to say, I don’t feel one bit guilty when he comes to see our son. I put on a skimpy outfit for his arrival then strip down to my underwear ready for when he comes back down the stairs. It works every time. He says I spoil him but the truth is, I want him back in my life to the point where my friends are so bored with me talking about him. People say I’m pretty and attractive so why doesn’t he want me? I’ve asked him when he’s coming home and he says, “I love having sex with you but don’t get your hopes up.” DEIDRE SAYS: He’s being honest so it’s time to face the truth. He’s not coming back any time soon. If he did, don’t you think you deserve better? He cheated on you – now he’s cheating on her. As long as you set him up for sex, he’ll keep taking it, using you as his booty call. It will be tough to break away but tell him this casual sex is not for you and stick to your guns. Arrange for a friend, or your mum, to visit when he comes over to put his son to bed, with set times so you’re not persuaded to be seduced. My support pack called Moving On explains that there’s a better relationship out there for you. PHOBIA IS SPOILING BABY JOY DEAR DEIDRE: I’M longing to have a baby but I don’t think it will ever be possible unless I can get over my phobia of needles. I’m 22 and I’m in a stable relationship. My boyfriend and I are ready to have a baby. As a child, I had a vaccination and the nurse hit a nerve. It hurt like hell and took forever to recover. I decided it was a silly phobia and that I’d talk to my doctor about it, but he’s old-school. He didn’t say anything about my fears and lectured me that I was far too young to have a baby. My mum had me at my age, so I think I’m old enough but how can I get over my fear? DEIDRE SAYS: Your doctor wasn’t helpful in dismissing your fears. It was bad luck that the vaccination went wrong when thousands of injections are carried out daily without any issue. My support pack called Fears And Phobias explains where you can get some expert help. Becoming a parent is rewarding, and I won’t lecture you but children can bring stress with a lack of sleep, not to mention a depleted bank balance. If you commit to motherhood now, you may miss out on one of the best parts of your life. The early twenties is the prime time to go out with friends and your boyfriend without any responsibilities, so do give this decision serious thought. MY GIRLFRIEND’S BETRAYAL WAS A TOTAL TURN ON DEAR DEIDRE: WHEN my girlfriend and I have sex, I pretend to be the guy she cheated on me with. She thinks it is funny when, in reality, I find it a huge turn-on. We live together and we both have good jobs. She works in PR for a bank. I’m 33 and I run my own barber shop. She’s 28 and parties hard after work. I’m normally so tired after being on my feet all day that I’m happy to stay home in the evenings. She went out a few weeks ago and got completely wasted. When she came home, she was teary and said that she had cheated on me with a posh colleague. I’ve met him and he wouldn’t be at the top of my Christmas list. While I had every right to be fuming, I found myself asking more questions about how it happened and what exactly they got up to. I could feel myself getting aroused. We went to bed and had the most amazing sex afterwards. I confessed to her my feelings about it and now acting out how he would behave and putting on his voice is part of our sexual repertoire. Am I normal? DEIDRE SAYS: Sex is clearly a fundamental part of your relationship. Feeding it with the knowledge of her cheating feels thrilling. It’s a bit like mentally playing out pornography in your head. It’s playing into some sadomasochistic side of your personality and there’s a reason you find this a turn-on. Don’t let this be the first thing you think about when you have sex but ring the changes with things you and your girlfriend may enjoy. My support packs called 50 Ways To Add Fun To Sex, and Sex Games And Sense explains more, including where to find emotional support to explore why this role-play is now a big part of your sex life. I THINK MUM IS CHEATING ON MY DAD DEAR DEIDRE: IT is increasingly obvious to me that my mum is having an affair with my uncle. I am her 29-year-old son. I have spent my whole life looking up to my parents, believing their 42-year marriage was solid. But a few months ago, when I helped her set up on a social media platform, she became addicted to checking her phone, and keeping it beside her like a guilty secret. She’d disappear for long periods, inventing excuses about hunting down vintage perfume bottles for her collection. Then, last week, I saw her car parked outside my dad’s brother’s house. I waited in a nearby coffee shop and she came out two hours later. It must be an affair. Watching my dad speaking to his little brother while my mum is sneaking off to see him is tearing me apart. I am heartbroken. DEIDRE SAYS: Talk to your mum and tell her exactly what you have witnessed. She may have a plausible explanation. Give her a clear ultimatum – if she is having an affair, she must end it immediately, or come clean to your dad. If she refuses you will have to tell him yourself. Forcing the issue will make her face up to the reality of what she is risking. Suggest she reads my pack Cheating – Can You Get Over It? to help her and your dad get over this. Comment now