My daughter was away on her birthday. I think rels should still buy her a gift

Q: My thinking is that if someone’s on holiday when they have their birthday, you should still buy them a present to give to them on their return. For two years in a row now, relatives have missed my daughter’s birthday because she’s been away. Am I right to feel aggrieved by this loss of the art of gift-giving? H.M., Wheeler Heights, NSW Photo: Illustration by Simon LetchA: If there’s an actual “art of gift-giving”, you sound as if you’d be Michelangelo, meticulously painting the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel, while I’d be a snotty toddler in a creche, glueing dry pasta onto a paper plate with his own secretions. I’m not a great gift-giver: the shopping, the spending, the thinking of others? Ugh, bleh, no thanks. That’s why I think that if someone’s not around on their birthday, no gift is necessary: they made their choice, they’re having fun elsewhere (though I’m happy to send a quick text saying, “Happy bday!!!!” with a champagne-flute emoji, if someone reminds me in time).On the other hand, as a gift-giving enthusiast, you’d probably give someone a birthday present days, weeks, months before or after their birthday: if a friend got shipwrecked and was a castaway on a desert island for 30 years, they might return to civilisation to find 30 presents waiting for them, impeccably gift-wrapped, with a long-expired artisan gourmet hamper and a harbour cruise voucher they may not want to use.Danny Katz is a columnist for The Age and The Sydney Morning Herald. He writes the Modern Guru column in the Good Weekend magazine. He is also the author of the books Spit the Dummy, Dork Geek Jew and the Little Lunch series for kids.From our partners