My Daughter Is Having a Birthday Sleepover. One Mom Has Made a Totally Unreasonable Demand.

Care and Feeding Photo illustration by Slate. Photo by Antonio_Diaz/Getty Images Plus. Care and Feeding is Slate’s parenting advice column. Have a question for Care and Feeding? Submit it here. Dear Care and Feeding, My daughter, “Kimmy,” is going to be turning 9 next month and we are planning to have a sleepover party with five of her friends. The problem is that the mom of of Kimmy’s friends, “Bree,” has made an awkward request. Bree has a 6-year-old sister, “Molly.” Their mom has asked that I invite Molly as well because she’s feeling left out. I have nothing against Molly, but Kimmy doesn’t know her that well! Kimmy is scared of dogs, and Bree’s family has a Great Dane, so the girls always have playdates at our place. That’s to say nothing of the age gap. When I was younger, I understood that my older sister had her own friends and would never have expected to be invited to a sleepover she attended. I don’t want to create animosity with Bree’s mom, but she’s getting rather insistent. Can you suggest a tactful way of telling her that Kimmy’s sleepover is just for her and her friends? —Sleepover Stress Dear Stess, Bree’s mom is dealing with the struggle of raising girls who are close enough in age to expect shared experiences, but distant enough where there may be a gap in their ability to navigate them. She also may really want a night without any kids in her house and saw the sleepover as an opportunity. Kindly let her know that you have a very limited guest list for the party and have only extended the invite to your daughter’s close friends. Explain that you wouldn’t want Molly to feel left out by the older girls who already know each other well, and that you’re sorry, but you won’t be able to host her. Let that be that. If Bree’s mom is unwilling to let her eldest daughter go without her sister, that is likely a rule she has and will enforce on other occasions, and you’ll just have to ask your daughter to understand that her friend can’t come. There are a number of parents who won’t let their children attend events without their siblings; it’s not your job to challenge her policy, just to be clear about your own. —Jamilah Please keep questions short (<150 words), and don‘t submit the same question to multiple columns. We are unable to edit or remove questions after publication. Use pseudonyms to maintain anonymity. Your submission may be used in other Slate advice columns and may be edited for publication. More Parenting Advice From Slate My wife, “Minerva,” and I have a 6-year-old son, “Blaine.” When Blaine was just under 1, Minerva and I began to have issues getting along. I started an affair with “Wendy,” Minerva’s sister. Less than a year into the affair, Wendy ended up pregnant and had a son, “Cameron.” She told everyone she conceived through a sperm donor. Never miss new Slate Advice columns Get the latest from Prudie and our columnists in your inbox each weekday, plus special bonus letters on Saturdays. Advice Family Kids