My Daughter-in-Law Dropped Her Kids at My House and Sped Away. She Blames Me for What Happened Next.

Care and Feeding Photo illustration by Slate. Photo by standret/Getty Images Plus. Care and Feeding is Slate’s parenting advice column. Have a question for Care and Feeding? Submit it here. Dear Care and Feeding, A few weeks ago, my daughter-in-law had an emergency at work and decided to drop my grandkids (ages 8 and 10) off at my house. She called to let me know, but I didn’t pick up. When she got to my place, she dropped the kids off at the gate and drove off, just assuming that I would be home. But I wasn’t home; I had taken a mini-break with a new male friend and was out of town. My neighbor, seeing two children alone on the porch, called CPS, and the situation escalated badly from there. My daughter-in-law is now furious at me for not keeping her informed or answering her call. My son screamed at me for “abandoning his kids” to “go whoring with some wrinkly old guy.” I understand that it was a bad situation, but I am not obliged to be at their beck and call, and I was not the deeply irresponsible party in this scenario. I am really angry, but I also desperately want to be there for and regularly see my grandkids. What can I do? —Not the Monster Here Dear Not the Monster Here, I don’t say this to excuse your son’s or daughter-in-law’s treatment of you, but I’m sure that the CPS call freaked them out and their emotions are running very high. It sounds like they’re not fully in control right now, and you probably won’t get them to calm down just by saying that they need to. If they call again to scream at you or blame you, tell them, “I know that you’re upset about what happened, but it wasn’t my fault, and I won’t discuss it with you until you’re able to speak to me respectfully.” Be prepared to end the conversation if necessary. And then, as hard as it may be, I think you’ll probably need to wait until they aren’t responding to the crisis directly in front of them anymore. If and when things calm down, try to talk with them again. Make it clear that you love them and your grandkids, and you want to support and be there for all of them. You can acknowledge your son and daughter-in-law’s alarm over what happened without accepting any of the blame for it. Remind them that you have your own life, and you won’t always be available on short notice, but you want to help, babysit, etc. if and when you’re able. You can try to make a clear communication plan with them so that nothing like this can happen again. And you can also let them know how hurt you were by the things they said (screamed at) you. I don’t know if they will apologize to you, but they should. —Nicole More Parenting Advice From Slate My husband and I have a love story to rival a Disney princess’s. We communicate well, share the workload, go on plenty of dates, have fun with our two children (8 and 9 years old), and treat each other kindly. We share similar interests (but still have our own hobbies and identities) and are always flirting and complimenting each other. But there is one thing missing in our marriage. Never miss new Slate Advice columns Get the latest from Prudie and our columnists in your inbox each weekday, plus special bonus letters on Saturdays. Advice Family Kids