My Daughter Has a New Fear Just in Time for Christmas. Oh Brother.

Care and Feeding Photo illustration by Slate. Photos by FrankBoston/Adobe Stock and Deagreez/iStock/Getty Images Plus. Sign up for the Slatest to get the most insightful analysis, criticism, and advice out there, delivered to your inbox daily. Care and Feeding is Slate’s parenting advice column. Have a question for Care and Feeding? Submit it here. Dear Care and Feeding, My 7-year-old daughter has developed a fear of getting on a plane over the past year, and we plan on visiting my parents for Christmas. She is terrified that the plane will crash and has been begging me daily not to have our family fly since we told her what the plan was. We don’t live within driving distance, so that’s out. The odds of a plane crashing are small, but they aren’t non-existent, so I don’t feel comfortable telling her that nothing bad will happen. Is there a way to help a child overcome a fear of flying? —Flying Fears Dear Flying Fears, I totally understand her fears. Planes are both big and scary. (And it doesn’t help that plane accidents have been prominent in the news over the past year, which she might’ve picked up on.) But there are some things you can do now, before your trip, and then also the day of to help calm her nerves. First, remind her that you’d never intentionally put her in harm’s way. I’m assuming she hasn’t been on a flight before, so talk to her about your own experiences flying: what it felt like, what the plane looked like on the inside, how the process goes. You can also use children’s books like Traveling with Em: Overcoming the Fear of Flying by Alexa Cabrera. Encourage her to ask you questions or verbalize her fears, so you can address them and really have discuss them, rather than resorting to general platitudes. On the day of your trip, explain the potentially scary parts of the process to her before she does them. For example, even as adults, many of us get frazzled and nervous going through airport security. Explain to her each step: “Now, our bags are going to go through this conveyor belt so people can see what’s inside of them while we walk through this detector.” When you board the plane, let the flight attendants know this is her first time flying and that she’s a little nervous. They might offer to take her to the pilot’s cabin and explain how things work. Then, she’ll really know she’s in good hands. Please keep questions short (<150 words), and don’t submit the same question to multiple columns. We are unable to edit or remove questions after publication. Use pseudonyms to maintain anonymity. Your submission may be used in other Slate advice columns and may be edited for publication. Dear Care and Feeding, My husband, “David,” and I are at odds because he wants to spend over $2,000 on expensive toys for our son, “Max,” while I want us to stick to a budget of $500. We can afford the toys David wants to buy for Max, but that isn’t the point. My concern is that if we begin the lavish spending now, he’ll expect increasingly extravagant gifts as he gets older, and so will our 4-month-old as she grows up. David had a very deprived childhood, so I can see where this is coming from, but I still think it’s a bad idea. How much should be spent on Christmas presents for a 5-year-old? Should I try to impose a more reasonable limit or let it go? —Trying Not to Be a Grinch Dear Trying Not to Be a Grinch, I don’t really think there is an exact number. Every family is different, and while $2,000 could be a lot for one family, it might not be for another. It’s a little early to worry about expectations: Your 5-year-old might not even remember what he got this Christmas by the time next year rolls around. But it’s a fair concern. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to raise children who aren’t focused on material things. It’s also normal for your husband to want to give the kids what his parents couldn’t afford, especially when he works hard to help provide for them. I think a good compromise is not to focus on the amount of money you’re spending, since it’s within what you can afford, but to pay attention instead to the types of gifts you’re spending the money on. For example, an expensive gaming system that your husband and son can spend time together playing might be a better way to spend the money compared to toys that might end up in the back of a closet. Because he’s young, I would encourage you both to spend less on individual toys that can break and be forgotten and to think about shifting the budget toward memory-building gifts. I’d also remind your husband that while Christmas is important to your family, you can also put extra money aside from your gift budget to spend on your son later in the year. Maybe there’s a special live show with his favorite character coming up in the spring. Save some of that money to splurge on great seats and go all out on any add-ons like meet-and-greets or buying those very overpriced toys being hawked in the stands. I have almost no recollection of any shows I went to as a kid. But I do, for some reason, remember every time I got a lightsaber, a glow stick necklace, a stuffie, or a T-shirt. Ever Gotten a Call From Human Resources? Laura Helmuth and Doree Shafrir want to hear about it—and help you navigate your problems at work. Does your colleague constantly bug you after hours? Has an ill-advised work romance gone awry? Ask us your question here! Dear Care and Feeding, My husband, “Ethan,” and I have a 3-year-old son, “Gio,” who hates having to wear his coat. Each day we take him to daycare is a (literal) struggle, and I’ve been late to work several times as a result. Ethan thinks we should just let him go without it so he will learn the hard way as to why he needs it. That seems harsh, but I am at my wits’ end. Is my husband’s suggestion a good idea? —Just Wear the Coat Dear Just Wear the Coat, It does suck, and it seems like so many independent littles go through this phase (and then pick it back up when they are teens who only want to wear hoodies everywhere). But sorry to your husband! Your threenager isn’t quite a teen yet, so he does have to wear his coat—and any other needed warm-weather items such as a hat and gloves if the weather is cold enough. There’s no negotiating there. Now, what you can do is a little bribing! Keep special treats, games, and toys in the car to hurry him along in the morning. But as a member of the Auntie Delegation, I’m gently reminding you, before one of us sees him outside without a coat on, to please bundle up that baby! —Arionne More Advice From Slate My husband is warm, caring, and creative. He’s also always been a bit of an absent-minded professor type: everything from forgetting to lock the front door to ruining a very expensive camera because he got overly excited about taking some pictures in (yes, IN) a lake. We’re hoping to start a family soon, and while I fully believe that he’ll be a wonderful dad (with a few foibles), there’s one dark fear I can’t shake. Advice Family Kids Parenting