My Daughter Cut Us Out of Her Life. Her Reason Is Based on a Total Lie.

Dear Prudence Nothing I say can convince her of the truth. Advice by Enter your email to receive alerts for this author. Sign in or create an account to better manage your email preferences. Unsubscribe from email alerts Are you sure you want to unsubscribe from email alerts for Jenée Desmond-Harris? July 29, 20266:00 AM Photo illustration by Slate. Photos by Getty Images Plus. Sign up for the Slatest to get the most insightful analysis, criticism, and advice out there, delivered to your inbox daily. Dear Prudence is Slate’s advice column. Submit questions here. Dear Prudence, My daughter was already having a difficult puberty, but when she hit 15, she just dialed it up to 11 and became aggressively rude, hostile, and defiant. We tried years of family therapy, but the moment she finished high school, she left for college and basically cut ties. I barely heard from her for a decade, but she recently reached out. She asked if I would tell her about her birth parents. She is utterly convinced that she was adopted because, she finally blurted out, my sister decided to get back at me after an argument by convincing my daughter I was not her mother. When I confronted her about it, my sister didn’t deny it, but nor did she apologize. We weren’t close, but I’ve now cut off all ties. Nothing I say, though, can convince my daughter that I am her mother or persuade her to come to therapy with me. She’s gone dark again and is no longer speaking to me. Meanwhile, my parents are freaking out because I’m not talking to my sister, and my husband is a seething ball of rage at her conduct. It’s overwhelming. Is there any way to fix this? —I’m the Mama Dear I’m the Mama, I can’t help you with your sister. What she did is absolutely awful, and she doesn’t seem to feel any remorse. Let the ties stay cut! Your parents can stay mad about it. If they don’t see the problem with her outrageous lie, you should take some space from them anyway. Reach back out to your daughter and suggest that the two of you do genetic testing to establish the truth. We have the technology for this! There’s no reason for there to be an ongoing debate around it. If she refuses, or if she gets scientific proof that you’re biologically related and still doesn’t want anything to do with you, at least you’ll have clarity as you begin to unpack, hopefully with the help of a professional, whether she may have a mental health issue that affects her emotions and relationships, or whether there was something that happened in your home when she was a kid that set her on this path. Classic Prudie My friend “Carla” has this habit of asking what my plans are without telling me why she’s asking. While it’s annoying, I’ve thus far managed to navigate it with no issues. That is, until several months ago when she texted me on a Sunday asking if I was doing anything. I responded no, not at the moment, thinking that she was going to tell me she was running errands and if I needed anything I could come with her (she has a car, I don’t, and often asks me if I want to join her). I planned on saying that I was good and didn’t need to come… Never miss new Slate Advice columns Get the latest from Prudie and our columnists in your inbox each weekday, plus special bonus letters on Saturdays. Advice Dear Prudence