My Co-Workers Are Amateur Sleuths. I Don’t Need Them on the Case of My Dark Past.

Good Job They cannot be trusted. Photo illustration by Slate. Photos by Deagreez/Getty Images Plus and Zanuck/iStock/Getty Images Plus. Sign up for the Slatest to get the most insightful analysis, criticism, and advice out there, delivered to your inbox daily. Good Job is Slate’s advice column on work. Have a workplace problem big or small? Send it to Laura Helmuth and Doree Shafrir here. (It’s anonymous!) Dear Good Job, I have a brand new job with an open office layout, and my boss (who sits in the cube next to mine) and her friends are really into true crime podcasts. They frequently talk about them in detail, and I feel like I’m going to vomit every time. My mom was violently killed in front of me when I was a teenager. I have a wonderful extended family, so I stayed out of foster care, and I had so, so much therapy. But it’s still painful. It’s a very casual social office that doesn’t allow headphones, so I can’t just block my boss and co-workers out. I’m new to this job, and she’s my boss, but I can’t handle this. My first name was held back from reports at the time because I was a minor, but some light searching of my unusual last name would also absolutely turn up media coverage of my mom’s death, which I do not ever want to be a topic at work. I don’t fully trust that these people wouldn’t bring it up if they found out, either. The office is small and doesn’t have a human resources department, and I landed here out of desperation when my previous job did mass layoffs. If I could work somewhere else, I already would be doing that. I still am applying for other jobs because this one has a lot of unrelated dysfunction. But in the meantime, what can I do? —No Murder at Work Dear No Murder at Work, I’m so sorry about your mom. I hope your letter reminds anyone who revels in other people’s suffering that there is probably someone within earshot who has suffered more than they could ever know. And I hope you escape this office soon. Whatever the subject, your boss shouldn’t be chattering with her friends while other people are trying to work. It’s especially inappropriate if any of these friends are her direct reports and she’s showing favoritism. Is there a quieter corner of the office where people actually work at work and save their conversations for the break room? If so, you could ask to change desks. If one of your boss’s friends is often visiting your area of the office because theirs is too stuffy, you could offer to swap with them. If your boss is easily offended (and I suspect she enjoys unnecessary drama), you could request a move respectfully with something like: “I enjoy how friendly this office environment is. But I perform best in a quiet space. I’d like to move to the southwest corner, but I will come by your cube whenever you need me.” In the case that the office is too small or settled to escape hearing her true crime discussions, try another request. Ask your boss for a brief one-on-one meeting, ideally outside the office to get coffee, or in a conference room with a door that shuts so her office friends don’t overhear. Tell her you enjoy how casual and social the office is (you don’t owe her honesty). Say you understand that true crime podcasts are popular, but a lot of people find them upsetting. You can say that these conversations are distracting without disclosing or even hinting at your own experience. And it’s fine to imply you’re worried about other people in the office. Your boss might not do the appropriate thing, which would be to thank you for your observation, apologize, and promise to be more considerate. More likely, your boss will get defensive or say you’re humorless. Let her rant, thank her for listening, then go back to work. If she does tone down the true crime conversations or move them to a new venue, great. If not, at least you tried, and sometimes it feels better to take action. When you do find your next job, tell your boss’s boss and whoever has the most authority in the organization that your boss’s relentless, inappropriate conversations drove you away. —Laura More Advice From Slate I live in a beautiful (and very expensive) apartment with many amenities: a sprawling rooftop lounge, high-tech gym, complimentary refreshments and on-site chefs, medispa, concierge physician, biodata services, well-appointed WFH offices, and much more. After living in highly questionable apartments for years, I finally have the funds to live here. I invited a friend over and she was over the moon. She bluntly asked multiple times for my codes so that she can access these luxuries whenever she wants… Never miss new Slate Advice columns Get the latest from Prudie and our columnists in your inbox each weekday, plus special bonus letters on Saturdays. Advice Workplace Jobs