My close friend has lost weight and completely changed her life. The compliments are flooding in and everyone is so proud... but this is the nasty secret I can't admit to her

Updated: 11:58 EDT, 7 August 2026 Q I am overweight and finding it very difficult that one of my close friends is taking weight-loss drugs while I have not been deemed suitable by my doctor. I have watched the pounds drop off her and the compliments flood in. I am so jealous. I used to feel better about myself because at least I was not the only person I knew on the large side. I just feel as though I am a hideous, flabby giant. I hate myself and my body so much and now there is a distance between me and my friend because I don’t like going out with her and hearing everyone praise her weight loss. To be honest, she could be more tactful about it, too. When people feel unhappy about their weight, they can easily fall into a cycle of self-loathing, writes Caroline West-MeadsA This is a horrible modern dilemma, and I can understand why you are struggling. Watching a close friend lose weight, receive endless compliments and seem to transform overnight is bound to stir up difficult feelings, especially when you have been told the same treatment is not right for you. What I would urge here is kindness towards yourself. When people feel unhappy about their weight, they can easily fall into a cycle of self-loathing. They feel bad about their bodies, which makes them feel low and that in turn makes it harder to look after themselves. The more you criticise yourself, the more stuck you can become. Try to remember that this is not a race. Your friend’s weight loss does not make her better, more attractive or more worthy than you. The saying ‘comparison is the thief of joy’ rings so true here. Rather than focusing on weight loss, concentrate on feeling better. Start small. Contact Caroline If you have a problem, write to Caroline West-Meads at YOU, 9 Derry Street, London W8 5HY, or email c.west-meads@mailonsunday.co.uk. A daily walk, some gentle tai chi (there are free videos on YouTube), swimming, dancing or any form of movement you genuinely enjoy can lift your mood and help you reconnect with your body in a positive way. Think less about what your body looks like and more about what it can do. Don’t hide yourself away, either. Many people who feel self-conscious retreat into the background, but taking pride in your appearance can make a real difference. Wear colours you love, dress for your curves, choose clothes that make you feel good and give yourself permission to enjoy how you look right now, not ten pounds from now. It may also be worth seeing a nutritionist, who could suggest some simple, realistic changes to your eating habits without resorting to another punishing diet. As for your friend, if you have always been close, be honest with her. You can gently explain that hearing so much about her weight loss and the attention it attracts is difficult for you. A good friend will understand.My brother has been phoning me in tearsQ My younger brother and I lost our mum to cancer when we were in our 20s, and we both still miss her over 30 years later. Now his wife, 54, who I am very fond of, is recovering from breast cancer. Thankfully, her prognosis is good, but my brother has fallen apart. He tries to stay strong for his wife and their children, but late at night he texts or phones me in tears. He can’t concentrate at work and I am deeply worried about him. We helped each other through our mother’s death, but this feels very different.A Losing a parent so young is such a profound grief. It sounds as though your brother is in shock and may be suffering from depression, or even PTSD, as his wife’s illness has reopened the trauma of your mother’s death on top of the fear of losing his partner. It is often only once the immediate danger has passed and the adrenaline ebbs away that the fear of what almost happened finally catches up with us. You clearly share a close and loving bond, so encourage him to see his GP, perhaps even go with him, as medication for depression and anxiety may be necessary as well as a referral to counselling. Gently urge him to let his wife know something of what he has been carrying. Although it has been necessary to protect her, I’m sure she would want the chance to support him, too. Please also contact the Macmillan Support Line: 0808 808 0000.