My boyfriend told me we were going to a festival – he tricked me as it turned out it was for swingers

DEAR DEIDRE: WHEN my new boyfriend asked me to go to a festival with him, I was thrilled. We’d only been dating for two months but I already felt he might become a huge part of my life. I was 28, he was 36. He had an air of maturity and class that was lacking in men my age. I stuffed a backpack full of tiny dresses and factor-50 sun cream, and leapt into his car. At first glance, the festival seemed normal. Couples wandered around holding cocktails, stalls were selling clothes, and loud music boomed from a giant tent. Live Chat and Contact Dear Deidre Live Chat with one of our trained counsellors Monday to Thursday from 1pm to 4pm. In Live Chat Hours:On your desktop or mobile, a ‘live chat with us’ button will appear below. Click it, and the chat box will appear and you will be connected with one of Deidre’s team. If you’re on the The Sun app, click here. If you would like to contact any of the counsellors outside of these hours, you can contact us:Via email: deardeidre@the-sun.co.ukOr send a confidential form here.DM us on Instagram: @Dear DeidreDM us on Facebook: @DearDeidreOfficial As we set up our pitch, my boyfriend was unusually excited – we ended up having sex before he’d even banged in the tentpoles. Afterwards, we wandered hand in hand to get a drink. I heard weird sounds, and saw a young couple having full-blown sex near the shower block. I turned to my partner – he just laughed it off. When we entered the festival tent, my heart almost stopped. I’d expected music and dancing, not three giant beds covered in naked couples pleasuring each other in every way you could imagine. Crowds gathered around the beds. We were surrounded by couples kissing and touching each other. There were condom wrappers on the floor and the air was hot and sweaty. I looked at my partner in horror, expecting him to be shocked too. But he explained that it was a swinger’s festival, and that he’d hoped I’d find it as sexy as he did. He wanted us to join the couples on the bed. But looking at them, and seeing men in the crowds staring openly at my body even as they kissed their girlfriend, I felt sick. I ran out of the tent, colliding with a topless woman on the way. Her oiled-up skin left stains on my new dress. My boyfriend followed me to the tent and persuaded me to stay one night. I pretended to sleep, but I felt really unsafe. I kept expecting men to burst in on me, and for my partner to do nothing. I crept out at first light and I haven’t spoken to him since. That was a month ago. My friends say I overreacted and that I should unblock his number and talk to him. DEIDRE SAYS: You certainly didn’t overreact. It’s fine to attend a swinger’s festival with your partner as a consenting adult. But your partner wasn’t honest with you. You’ll never be able to trust him if you fear he’s capable of pulling a fast one. He should have told you the true nature of the festival from the start. He put you in an impossible position: go along with it all so you don’t fall out, or refuse and risk losing him in the process. All relationships need trust and it’s even more important when couples are having polyamorous sex. Honesty and communication are paramount. He had so many chances to explain what kind of festival it really was, and to check that you wanted to go. Instead, he kept you in the dark. Many swingers events don’t allow single men to attend, so there’s even a chance that he only took you along in order to get access. Whatever the truth, at the very least he has very poor judgement. You made a clear decision to remove him from your life and reading about how unreliable he’s proven himself, I can’t see one good reason to unblock him. This wasn’t a funny joke, trust your judgement. My support pack Moving On explains how you can keep building yourself back up. Dear Deidre’s Open Ordeals From experimental flings to emotional fallouts, open relationships regularly appear in Deidre’s inbox. One man found group‑sex encounters with his girlfriend he met through an open‑relationship app left him embarrassed and unable to rise to the occasion. Another reader admitted that what started as an agreed open relationship with her boyfriend quickly turned tense as the balance of attention shifted and jealousy flared. And a third woman’s open marriage fling backfired when it became public, leaving her estranged from family. SWINGING EXPLAINED Swinging is a form of consensual non-monogamy in which committed couples agree to have sexual experiences with other people. Unlike an open relationship, it usually involves couples exploring sexual experiences together, often with other couples or at organised events. HOW DOES IT WORK? Every couple has different rules, but common arrangements include: Swapping partners with another couple Having sex in the same room as one another Separate sexual encounters agreed in advance Attending organised swingers’ clubs or private events Some couples swap partners, while others simply enjoy watching each other or meeting like-minded people without any sexual contact at all. WHY DO SOME COUPLES TRY IT? People give many different reasons, including: Exploring shared fantasies Adding excitement to their sex life Curiosity Meeting other couples Enjoying new sexual experiences together Strengthening intimacy through shared experiences WHAT MAKES IT WORK? For swinging to work, both partners need to feel comfortable with the arrangement and know where they stand. That usually means: Honest communication Clear boundaries and rules Mutual enthusiasm rather than pressure Trust Regular STI testing and practising safer sex WHAT ARE THE RISKS? While swinging can be exciting for some couples, it can also bring unexpected challenges. These can include: Jealousy or insecurity One partner feeling pressured into taking part Emotional attachments developing with another person Different expectations or broken boundaries Increased risk of sexually transmitted infections (STIs) if safer sex isn’t practised