My boyfriend caught me having sex with his brother on the sofa… all hell broke loose

DEAR DEIDRE: AN event at a recent family barbecue has turned my life upside down . . . I had sex with my boyfriend’s brother. I’m 25 and my boyfriend is 27. We’ve been together for three years. His 26-year-old brother recently moved back to our town after a messy break-up with his long-term girlfriend. The brothers’ parents hosted a “welcome home” party in the garden. It was a hot, sunny day and the drinks flowed way too fast. As my boyfriend was busy helping his dad with the barbecue, I found myself getting on very well with his brother. Looking back I could feel the chemistry building then. We eventually all took a taxi back to our flat and went to our respective beds. In the early hours, I crept down to the living room to grab a glass of water as it was too hot to sleep. Live Chat and Contact Dear Deidre Live Chat with one of our trained counsellors Monday to Thursday from 1pm to 4pm. In Live Chat Hours:On your desktop or mobile, a ‘live chat with us’ button will appear below. Click it, and the chat box will appear and you will be connected with one of Deidre’s team. If you’re on the The Sun app, click here. If you would like to contact any of the counsellors outside of these hours, you can contact us:Via email: deardeidre@the-sun.co.ukOr send a confidential form here.DM us on Instagram: @Dear DeidreDM us on Facebook: @DearDeidreOfficial The brother, who was crashing on our sofa, sat up in the dark and we started chatting. I ended up sitting on the edge of the couch and he reached out for me. We started kissing passionately and it led to us having sex right there, on the settee. We were so caught up in the moment that neither of us heard my boyfriend coming down the stairs until he walked into the living room. All hell broke loose. I ran upstairs while they shouted and screamed at each other, a confrontation that only ended when the brother stormed out. After a week of silence, my boyfriend confessed he still loves me and wants to salvage our relationship but my phone keeps lighting up with texts from his brother saying he’s crazy about me. I’m torn because I think I love them both, and I have no idea who to choose. DEIDRE SAYS: The sudden move your boyfriend’s brother made on you feels suspicious. You need to look closely at the motives behind this betrayal. If the younger brother has come home and so quickly muscled in on his brother’s girl, this might be more to do with sibling rivalry than genuine passion for you. That said, if that one night has made you feel genuinely torn between your boyfriend and his brother, your current relationship has likely run its course anyway. The trust is gone. Be wary about getting involved with the younger brother. He sounds to care more about himself and outdoing his brother than anyone else. If this is just a competition to him, he’ll lose interest the moment he wins. You deserve better than being a trophy. FEAR I'M NOT BIG ENOUGH DEAR DEIDRE: MY girlfriend caught a glimpse of me naked while I was changing into my boxers and her expression showed she was less than impressed. It has had a devastating effect on my confidence. I am 21 and she is 19. We have been dating for almost three months. I have been having terrible anxiety attacks because she wants to have sex with me. She is much more sexually experienced than me and I don’t think my penis is big enough for her. Because of this I have been constantly making up excuses, but I know I can’t keep putting her off forever. I really care about her and don’t want to lose this relationship, but the fear of rejection is overwhelming me. I am running out of options and time. I am totally lost and I need some advice on how to handle this situation. What should I do to overcome this fear. Should I talk to her honestly and try to fix this difficult problem? DEIDRE SAYS: You have to forget her past and keep reminding yourself that she is with you now. Ultimately, it is genuine consideration that thrills a woman, not mere inches, and that is something that can be learned over time. If you want to build your confidence, my support pack, Penis Size?, Will help you. You can easily overcome this anxiety, improve your intimacy, and master the techniques that truly matter to your girlfriend. Focus on what you can control. DREADING MULTI-GEN HOME LIFE DEAR DEIDRE: THE prospect of another person moving into our shared home is filling me with dread, especially since three women sharing one kitchen feels like a recipe for disaster. I’m 67 and my husband’s 68. We originally bought a house with our son and daughter-in-law 12 years ago when our two granddaughters were still just teenagers, and back then, the arrangement worked well. Since then, the elder granddaughter has moved out to start her own life. But my other granddaughter is now 24, earns a great salary, and wants to move back home with her boyfriend so they can save for a deposit. I’m dreading living in a house crowded with three family units. It’ll be too cramped and chaotic. My son doesn’t see an issue with them living with us temporarily but I can see there will be no incentive for them to ever save up and buy their own place. Am I being unfair? DEIDRE SAYS: Welcoming another partner into a shared home is a big deal and one that will affect everyone. Many young people struggle to afford a place of their own so it’s understandable your son wants to help them. Suggest you all discuss how this might work and why it might not.Would a clear timeline help you feel more comfortable? Is there any way to rearrange the current layout to build a separate area for them? They would likely prefer their own private space. EX TREATED AS PART OF FAMILY DEAR DEIDRE: RETURNING to my childhood home is so awkward, because my ex-girlfriend is treated like she is one of the family. I am 29 and she is 27. We were together for almost two years but when I ended our relationship, she remained a permanent fixture in my mum and sister’s lives. I moved on and now have a lovely new partner and a beautiful six-month-old daughter, but my family’s loyalty seems to be with my ex. It all came to a head when my sister got married. My ex was invited to shop for the dress and hen do, while my partner was excluded. Then my ex was seated at the main family table – while the mother of my child and I were seated away from them. I felt like I had been publicly rejected. To make matters worse, my mum rarely makes the effort to visit us. Yet, whenever I try to pop in so they can see their granddaughter, my ex always happens to be sitting on their couch. Mum and I had a massive falling out because my family smokes, and I banned it around my child. My daughter is growing up so fast, and they are missing out on every milestone because they seem to prefer hanging on to the past over the present. I want them in her life, but I won’t compromise my daughter’s health just to keep the peace. DEIDRE SAYS: Your daughter will miss out on important family bonds if her grandparents are completely alienated, but you are absolutely right to protect her from the harmful effects of tobacco smoke. Try offering an olive branch to mend this rift. Arrange to see your mum alone and explain how much you want her to be a meaningful part of your daughter’s life. To avoid tension, arrange your visits for times when your ex definitely isn’t around. When discussing their smoking, try asking rather than ordering your family to stop around your daughter, and suggest family outings in the open air instead. My support pack, Standing Up For Yourself, will help you navigate these boundaries.