My Boyfriend and I Got Caught Having Sex In His Parent’s House in the Most Embarrassing Way. Now They’re Asking Us to Do Something Ridiculous.

How to Do It We’re not children! Photo illustration by Slate. Photo by master1305/iStock/Getty Images Plus. Sign up for the Slatest to get the most insightful analysis, criticism, and advice out there, delivered to your inbox daily. How to Do It is Slate’s sex advice column. Have a question? Send it to Jessica and Rich here. It’s anonymous! Dear How to Do It, My boyfriend and I, both in our 20s, visited his parents this summer. Something embarrassing happened that is now being held over our heads. One of the nights after the family had gone to bed, we started having sex in the guest bedroom. We tried to keep it very quiet. But about 10 minutes in, his little brother started barging into the room even though we had the door closed. We hadn’t locked it. Thankfully my boyfriend was able to reach an arm out to the door in time and slam it shut (the guest bedroom is extremely small), but he caught his brother’s fingers in the door—his brother started sobbing and making a big deal out of it, he’s 13 and it probably hurt so I don’t blame him. Then his parents came out to see what the commotion was and I had to run to get dressed and face them all. His parents had at least the courtesy to not say anything in front of me, but they really ripped into my boyfriend later for having sex under their roof and for risking his brother walking in on us. Now we’re getting ready to go back to their house for Thanksgiving and my boyfriend has let me know his parents don’t want us to sleep in the same room, and that it’s annoying but we can deal. We live together! Is there a way we can clear the air here and get them to move on? I’m afraid getting a hotel will solidify us even more as the “bad guys” in his family’s eyes. —Open Door Dear Open Door, Time may be the only salve here. For the record, I think the parents are being ridiculous here. They should not be surprised at all to find out that their son, who lives with his partner, is…also having sex with that partner! If they don’t want it happening under their roof, it’s their right to voice that, but that should come in the form of a request, not a dictate that forces you into an unnatural sleeping arrangement. They’re treating you like children who can’t control yourselves, rather than adults who were caught doing adult things. I agree that staying in a hotel could possibly drive an even bigger stake between you and the parents. Ideally, your boyfriend would push back by telling them that he’s sorry for what happened, it won’t happen again, but that you do not need to be separated. If they insist, taking it on the chin and adhering to their demands may be the only way to get back in their good graces. Kill them with kindness until they forget about what happened. The principle is important here, but practically speaking if you were to submit to his parents demands, you’d only be sleeping separately from your boyfriend for a few days. You’ll live. Please keep questions short (<150 words), and don’t submit the same question to multiple columns. We are unable to edit or remove questions after publication. Use pseudonyms to maintain anonymity. Your submission may be used in other Slate advice columns and may be edited for publication. Dear How to Do It, My boyfriend recently told me he has a foot fetish and wants me to get him off with my feet, which I don’t really have any objections to. The problem is I have a bit of athlete’s foot and some warts on the bottom of my feet. Is there any chance of these transferring to his penis if I were to give him a foot job? I don’t want to give him genital warts. —Fungal and Fretting Dear Fungal and Fretting, There is no chance your plantar warts will become genital warts. HPV strains are site-specific. According to University of Michigan Medical School professor Diane M. Harper, HPV types 2 and 4 are the most common types of plantar warts (those that live on your feet). Meanwhile, the most common genital wart types of HPV are 6 and 11. “Sitting on your barefoot feet with no underwear will not cause genital warts, will not cause cervical cancer, will not cause anal cancer, and will not cause head and neck cancer,” Harper wrote in an email discussion of your question. This is true of transmitting plantar warts to parts of others that aren’t their feet. But to that point, Harper recommends getting your plantar warts taken care of because they can be transmitted to your partner’s feet, perhaps in shared spaces where you both find yourself barefoot, like the shower. Removing these can be a long and somewhat painful process, requiring multiple trips to a dermatologist or podiatrist (take it from me, I’ve been through it) to burn or freeze them off, but it’s absolutely worth it, especially because the plantar warts may be causing pain on their own. Get rid of them and stop worrying/hurting. Share Your Story With How to Do It! Readers often have great suggestions for our letter writers, occasionally disagree with a point our How to Do It writers make, or simply want to provide some additional advice. Each month, Jessica and Rich will be replying to some of these comments and suggestions from readers. Write to us! Dear How to Do It, I am constantly getting colds. My most notable experience was having two colds in three weeks (which is about as fun as it sounds). I think I’m getting sick again (thanks cold and flu season), and I’m tired of not being able to make out with my boyfriend for fear of giving my cold to him. What is the likelihood of me giving him a cold from kissing (he rarely gets sick—I’m jealous)? —Always Blowing … My Nose Dear Always Blowing … My Nose, After poking around, I’m surprised to report that the likelihood of transmitting the cold through kissing alone is actually not very high, at least according to the smattering of data that exists. One small 1984 study found only one out of 13 cold-free subjects contracted a cold through kissing. A cold expert explained to The Guardian in 2005 that because the virus moves in mucus of the respiratory system, “unless you have a bad cough, and some of the respiratory mucus has made its way into your saliva, the cold virus will not be transmitted by kissing.” The entry on rhinoviruses in the International Encyclopedia of Public Health elaborates: “Saliva may occasionally contain a small amount of rhinovirus, probably from diluted nasopharyngeal secretions, but in general transmission by coughing, sneezing, kissing, or drinking from the same glass is not likely to occur in otherwise healthy individuals. On the other hand, transmission of rhinovirus in nasal mucus from a person with a cold to a susceptible individual is likely either by touching shared environmental objects or by direct hand-to-hand contact (handshakes, holding hands, or high fives) followed by self-inoculation with a contaminated finger into the nose or eye.” Daily contact would then put your boyfriend more at risk for picking up your cold than kissing, per se. As for you, if you are “constantly” getting colds, you should see a doctor. That cold may not be a cold but instead allergies, other upper respiratory infections, sinus infections, and more. You might also want to talk to your doctor about your immune system overall. There could be no underlying issues other than you are unlucky and more prone to getting colds, but since this is a chronic occurrence, you’re better off getting checked out. —Rich More Advice From Slate My girlfriend really likes having sex drunk. I, however, don’t feel comfortable doing this, as I believe someone who is intoxicated isn’t in a position to give consent, even with a partner. My refusals don’t sit well with her; she gets loud and belligerent before finally going to sleep it off. My patience with this behavior is running dry. Is this problem serious enough to warrant my demanding that she get some help? Advice Sex