My Boss Started Suddenly Picking Fights With Me. Then One Day, I Got a Mysterious Meeting Invite.

Good Job Photo illustration by Slate. Photos by Getty Images Plus. Sign up for the Slatest to get the most insightful analysis, criticism, and advice out there, delivered to your inbox daily. Good Job is Slate’s advice column on work. Have a workplace problem big or small? Send it to Laura Helmuth and Doree Shafrir here. (It’s anonymous!) Dear Good Job, To set the scene, I work in corporate finance. Near the end of my time in my last position, saying my ex-boss and I butted heads would be an understatement. We full-on argued. I could literally do nothing right, and every day, I prepared myself for a barrage of what I would consider workplace bullying. The odd thing is that we used to be friendly; she picked me for her team, so I moved from the old team and into hers, and for two years, it was all fine. But she spent the last year chipping and chipping away at my confidence. Then one day, I received a meeting invite from one of the directors for a “catch-up,” and I think you can probably tell where this is going. I was blindsided when they told me they were letting me go, with no reason why. They just paid me off and made me sign an NDA. But my confidence is basically in the trash. I can’t get it out of my head, and I know I need to move forward, but I still just feel so angry about the whole thing. Maybe I’m just moaning, but I need some advice. —No Confidence Here (he/him) Dear No Confidence Here, It’s OK to moan. Being bullied, undermined, and fired are miserable experiences, and recognizing that you were mistreated can be part of the recovery process. Is your severance large enough to let you take a sabbatical? If so, use the time to reestablish your sense of who you are aside from a job. Reconnect with friends, travel, read for pleasure, get therapy, go for long walks or bike rides, volunteer, do whatever reminds you that you have interests and value beyond your role in your former workplace. Look for ways to connect with other people, because losing a job often means that you go from having way too much social interaction to way too little. When you’re ready to look for work again, think about what you liked about your past jobs—not because you necessarily want to jump back into the same roles, but to help you identify employers or positions you’d like to try next. This might be a good time to train for a slightly different job, or something entirely new with better working conditions. It can take a while to stop being angry about a bad boss or employer. Your boss might have been criticizing you just to stir up drama or because of some weird need for dominance. She might have been unable or unwilling to express her feedback clearly or professionally. But once your anger has cooled and you are getting back some confidence, you might be able to learn from the experience in ways that will help you succeed at your next workplace. Based on your letter, I suspect one lesson might be: Some bosses hate to be challenged, so find ways to disagree productively. Ask your next boss for specific feedback if there’s a problem, and update them about the ways you are responding to that feedback. And if you are ever in a supervisory position, remember all the things your last boss did wrong and do the opposite. —Laura More Advice From Slate My girlfriend and I are moving in together this year when she buys her first home. We’re very excited, but obviously, this milestone comes with a lot of conversations about how to combine our finances. The biggest question is about the (still hypothetical) house. My girlfriend makes considerably more than I do, and I don’t have the savings to make a significant contribution to the down payment. (I do have more than enough for emergencies, etc. I’m generally in good financial health, just not in a position to purchase a home in my region.) Never miss new Slate Advice columns Get the latest from Prudie and our columnists in your inbox each weekday, plus special bonus letters on Saturdays. Advice Workplace Jobs