My Boss Keeps Making the Same Complaint About My Face

Good Job Photo illustration by Slate. Photo by Valeriy_G/Getty Images Plus. Good Job is Slate’s advice column on work. Have a workplace problem big or small? Send it to Laura Helmuth and Doree Shafrir here. (It’s anonymous!) Dear Good Job, I work in retail at a national chain. It’s an OK job. Before this, I worked in childcare, but I didn’t like it so now retail is what I do. Here’s my problem. My manager will not get off my case about my face. He says that I’m never smiling. But I just have a “resting bitch face.” My face just looks like I’m unhappy, even when I’m not. I’m polite to customers, I promise. I just look, I guess, kind of pissed off when I’m waiting for people to come to my register. My boss brings this up every time we see each other, either “smile!” or more formally, he’ll be like, “OK, we’ve talked about your customer engagement, I really need you to smile more.” I’ve said I’d try, but it’s really just not going to be something I can do all the time. Is there something else I should be saying to him? —RBF Dear RBF, I know what you’re dealing with, because I’ll see photos of myself where I thought I just looked perfectly calm and neutral, and I actually look like I want to kill someone. So the RBF struggle is real! And a man telling a woman to “smile more” is such a cliché at this point that countless articles have been written about how it’s condescending at best, harassment at worst. Buuuuuuut. I truly pains me to say this, but you work in retail, where the expectation is for employees to have a friendly, approachable demeanor (especially at a national chain)—and yes, that probably does mean smiling more than you’re necessarily used to. Now, I don’t think this necessarily means plastering a totally fake smile on your face at all times, but I do wonder if what your boss actually means by “I really need you to smile more” is “I really need you to be more friendly and engaging with customers.” So I think your first step is to try to unpack what he’s really asking for. Is it a welcoming smile when someone approaching the register makes eye contact and saying, “Hi, how are you?” Try to get specifics from him about what would make your demeanor at the register feel warmer and more approachable. Again, you’re in a retail environment—this isn’t about making men on the street feel comfortable—so there are going to be some norms around behavior that feel uncomfortable at first. I would also ask for a check-in with your boss in a few weeks about how it’s going. If this all feels way too overwhelming and difficult, then maybe that’s a check-in you need to have with yourself about whether retail is right for you—or if there’s possibly a different role in the store that isn’t customer-facing that you might be more comfortable doing. But I think you can do it! Good luck. —Doree Classic Prudie My husband and I have a 7-year-old daughter. We are friends with another family who have a child the same age. They are a nice couple. The husband is not very talkative but never gave me any odd vibe. A while ago I was trying to find the number for their home business, and when I searched his name the sex offender registry came up. Never miss new Slate Advice columns Get the latest from Prudie and our columnists in your inbox each weekday, plus special bonus letters on Saturdays. Advice Workplace Jobs