Michael Owen doesn't tell his children he loves them - how big a deal is that?

Dad Aaron Dale, host of the Raisingboys2men podcast and author of a book on parenting, agrees."It's not words or actions - they shouldn't compete against each other, they should complement each other."Words are to speak the message and actions are the evidence."Dale pointed to how his own father would often tell him "I love you" after letting him down, diminishing the meaning of the words. However, some parents believe it is absolutely crucial their child hears that they are loved. One father of a seven-year-old daughter, told us he was surprised by Owen's comments, describing them as "awful". "You should always tell your children you love them no matter what, when they're bad, when they're good," he said. And reacting online to the clip of Owen, another parent wrote: "Parents and potential parents do not listen to this man. Tell your kids you love them everyday, even when it annoys them."To the outside observer, Owen's love for his children is not in doubt.The trailer for his new show, Meet the Owens, shows glimpses of what appears to be a happy home life with his wife and children. And in 2024, the former England striker spoke movingly about his son James's sight loss, saying: "If I could give him my eyes... I would."Pushed by podcast host Laing to explain why he doesn't let the 'I love yous' flow freely, Owen told Laing that "I would love to be a little bit soft"."I'm definitely getting softer," he said, "but still not soft enough to say anything like that."Using the word "soft" to describe telling your children you love them reflects long-standing attitudes many fathers have towards parenting, both Dale and Dr Britto suggest. They say it's a result of different contexts, such as culture, class, gender and a generational divide"I think that's the dangerous part there," Dale says, "the belief of what men should and what men shouldn't do."Many fathers believe their role is simply to "provide", but they can do so much more, he says. "Men are much more than just providers... what about our emotional capacity and willingness to have conversations and be there as fathers? And maybe we can't provide, but you know what? Our presence is at full capacity." He adds that he thinks people's style of parenting "always stems from somewhere", including whether they were often told they were loved as a child.Gender expectations and masculinity are not the only element at play, Dr Britto says."In some cultures they don't even use those words [I love you] at all," she says. "They may ask things like 'Have you eaten?' as a sign of love rather than actually saying 'I love you'."She adds: "As an African myself, in Nigerian culture parents don't always say 'I love you'... but I still felt loved."Parents also suggest that different generations may approach showing love for their children in different ways. Reacting on social media, one says Owen is right to suggest actions speak louder than words: "My dad never said the words, but it was also never in doubt."Another writes: "What's the big deal? My dad - and I'm sure most dads of our generation - didn't. He did something far, far better than emotional words he 'showed us' by his actions."While Owen's comments may have triggered strong feelings, it is clear there are countless ways parents communicate love to their children.Above all, says Dr Britto, it's about making sure children feel a sense of belonging. "Do they feel loved?" she says. "Do they feel wanted? "Do they feel that they matter, rather than simply hearing the words?"