Matthew Lillard Learned How to Keep Things in Perspective the Hard Way

Jared Kocka6 min readThere is no way that Matthew Lillard actually wants to talk to me right now. It’s Tuesday night, and he’s just come off a full day of press for his upcoming movie Behemoth!. And, let it be known, he nailed this junket while nursing a hangover from his celebrations following last night’s premiere for his starring role in the new show Carrie. Yeah, it’s been a long 24 hours for Lillard.But he doesn’t let it faze him. The actor is as chipper as can be and genuinely eager to learn about my day. Tales of dog walking and running around Brooklyn conjure up a memory of his 20s: working as a waiter by day, amateur actor by night, living in an Upper East Side fourth-floor walk-up with his girlfriend and trusty German shorthaired pointer.Jared Kocka“I’m always a fan of leading with kindness.”And on the style front, Lillard looks back at his 20s and laughs. “Coming up, I think I wanted to look cool. During Scream, I did a photo shoot for a poster, but I stole the shirt from the shoot. So when we went to the premiere, I had one suit, and I wore that shirt. There’s a very funny picture of me walking in and sticking my tongue out in the shirt,” the star says. “For Scream 7, I had this incredible shirt maker that I use—that’s another hack I have because I’ve got a little belly and a skinny neck and long arms—and I had him recreate the shirt from the Scream premiere for the Scream 7 premiere. It was a little nod to that young boy, and I really enjoyed that moment. I don’t think anyone really got it, but I got it.”Jeff Kravitz//Getty ImagesThe shirt (and tongue) in question.Playing an unhinged killer might have been his big break, but Lillard’s résumé is impressive: Scooby-Doo, She’s All That, SLC Punk!, Five Nights at Freddy’s—the credits run on. Tonight, however, we’re here to talk about the music drama Behemoth!. The premiere is just about to happen, and Lillard’s given his outfit an appropriate amount of thought (he’s even wearing a pin made by one of his kids).“Every now and then, you have to treat yourself to nice pieces. The older I’ve gotten, the more I invest in something that I'll have forever. And the funny thing is, I’m not a very fashionable guy. It’s not where I live. It’s not where my head goes,” Lillard emphasizes. “But as I’ve gotten older, I have a deeper appreciation for a really lovely pair of shoes, a really nice suit that I feel good in, or a watch that I put on for an occasion. There’s something about it that’s simpler because you don’t have to stress every time you choose something to wear.”Lillard has a reputation for being one of Hollywood’s nicest men, and as our conversation continues, I can see why. Whether it’s parenting his three young kids or taking time to chat with me, Lillard leads his life with kindness. And look at just how far that’s gotten him.Jared Kocka“Anyone that holds people’s fandom against them is about their own perspective. I think that when you’re dealing with fans, it has nothing to do with you. It’s about what you mean to them rather than what they mean to you, right?”Inside the Red Carpet Dress Code“People may not know this, but they give you an allowance for an event. I had 11 events over the course of the Carrie launch; so I needed 11 different looks. A lot of the time, that allowance will go to a stylist who will then take the money and borrow things from big brands to let you wear. And the reality is that it takes the pressure off of thinking about what to wear. Somebody brings you clothes and you put them on.“But I don't spend that much money on clothes, so I will take that money and invest in things that I will wear again and again. For example, for Behemoth!, I took that money and am purchasing myself a brand-new suit from Armani. It’s a designer that I like, it’s something that makes me feel confident, and it's something that I'll wear time and time again.”Jared Kocka“I don’t spend that much money on clothes, so I will take that money and invest in things that I will wear again and again. For example, for Behemoth!, I took that money and am purchasing myself a brand-new suit from Armani.”His Biggest Fear ...“Raising kids. We’re raising kids in an era where people are dropping dead on university campuses, and women are being horrifically raped. Having kids in the world we’re living in right now feels overwhelming and terrifying in so many ways.”... and Rising Above It“I’m always a fan of leading with kindness. I’m also a big fan of rising to 10,000 feet and not getting consumed in the moment. I feel like so many times, especially with social media, it just feels overwhelming with the darkness in the world. My whole thing is: Rise up, see the people you know—how they behave, who they are as people—and just keep remembering that most of the internet is filled with bots and trolls, and it’s not real, right? Fear gets more clicks than joy, and so much of the world is based on people getting clicks. You have to believe in the nature of people rather than the fear manufactured by people pushing for agendas that aren’t aligned with yours.”Parental Guidance “I have a 24-year-old, 21-year-old, and 18-year-old boy. I have two queer kids. And they are fiercer than I. If you happen to trifle with me, you’re fine. I don’t bite. But I do feel like my kids are way better equipped to deal with the internet, social media, and the trials and tribulations of being online than I am. I still take it emotionally, and I get affected by things—both for the good and the bad. I’m constantly moved to tears by some of the stories I see. But they see through it.”Jared KockaMy whole thing is: Rise up, see the people you know—how they behave, who they are as people—and just keep remembering that most of the internet is filled with bots and trolls.”“There are definitely movies they've seen, for better or for worse. They’ve seen the movie I directed called Fat Kid Rules the World, which I'm incredibly proud of. When they were ready for that, I showed it to them. There’s SLC Punk!—I think they’re all very proud of that work. They’ve seen Scooby, obviously, and I think they’ve all seen Scream now. I don’t know if Liam’s seen it all the way through. It’s this funny thing where I’ve been an actor their entire lives. Yeah, they are not impressed. If my wife and I made a big deal out of it, then I’m sure that they would consider it special. But in my house, it’s just a job. In my community, it’s not that interesting. It’s only when I walk into the world that I’m like, ‘Oh yeah, I have a weird job.’”If Not an Actor…“I would be teaching acting. I happened to get lucky enough to find a way to make money out of this career, but the reality is that no matter what, I’d be doing this. Or I’d be at Medieval Times or on the Ren Faire circuit. But I was born to do what I’m doing.”Jared Kocka“When I realized that the universe is bountiful, and [Paul Rudd, my former roommate] succeeding had nothing to do with where I was at in my life, it was really powerful for me.”The Hardest Job“Listen, my dad is in dementia care full-time. And I look at the work, the love, and the care that these people give my father—who is ill and unable to respond to that care—and they persevere through that. I think that’s an amazingly profound way to live a life: serving others that are unable to be grateful for your service.”Fanning Fandoms“It’s about what you mean to them rather than what they mean to you, right? Who cares what people love about your work as long as there’s something that they identify with and hold on to. To me, it’s our job to make somebody a fan or somebody that enjoys your work and has the courage to approach you. It’s our job to make them feel seen and acknowledged and to be graceful in those moments.”Jared Kocka“I’m not a very fashionable guy. It’s not where I live. It’s not where my head goes.”A Learning Lesson“I used to be so jealous of other people’s work and success. I lived with Paul Rudd for a couple years, and I love him. He's a good guy, but I was so jealous of how far he had gone in his career—and he’s my friend. It used to eat me alive. When I realized that the universe is bountiful, and him succeeding had nothing to do with where I was at in my life, it was really powerful for me. It switched my whole perspective on my own journey and my own career. But for a long time, I really struggled with other people’s success.”Jared Kocka“To me, building two businesses, leading companies, leading people—it’s been this second joyful exploration with real learning experiences of my life.”Beyond the Camera“One of the ways that I survived in this industry and its insecurities is through starting two companies. I started a company with five of my best friends called Beadle & Grims; we create high-end gaming accessories for Dungeons & Dragons. And I created a spirits company called Find Familiar Spirits, where we build high-end spirit experiences around fandoms. To me, building two businesses, leading companies, leading people—it’s been this second joyful exploration with real learning experiences of my life. I’ve never been in business. I’ve never had to sit at a computer day after day. I’ve never had to lead people, other than when I direct or teach. So for me, growing in this moment and finding success is something I’m super proud of.”