Man I slept with on summer break turned out to be a creep who threatened to send a video of us to my husband

DEAR DEIDRE: WHAT was supposed to be a fun summer break with a few girlfriends turned into a nightmare after I made a huge mistake. I am 29 and a few months ago I went to Greece on an all-girls trip. One night in a bar we started chatting to a group of local guys who seemed like good fun. One of them who looked around 40, was clearly interested in me but I kept my distance that first night. From then on we seemed to run into them everywhere we went. During one of those nights out, this same man was there, friendly and buying us lots of drinks. Live Chat and Contact Dear Deidre Live Chat with one of our trained counsellors Monday to Thursday from 1pm to 4pm. In Live Chat Hours:On your desktop or mobile, a ‘live chat with us’ button will appear below. Click it, and the chat box will appear and you will be connected with one of Deidre’s team. If you’re on the The Sun app, click here. If you would like to contact any of the counsellors outside of these hours, you can contact us:Via email: deardeidre@the-sun.co.ukOr send a confidential form here.DM us on Instagram: @Dear DeidreDM us on Facebook: @DearDeidreOfficial I ended up getting really drunk and gave in to temptation. I went back to his place and we had sex. The next day, when he asked for my phone number, I felt flattered and stupidly shared it. Once I got back home, he texted, suggesting we keep things going with phone sex. Part of me was secretly pleased he was still interested but when I told him I didn’t feel comfortable as I was married his behaviour completely changed. He told me I had better do what he wanted or my husband would find out everything. He claimed he had filmed us that night and threatened to send the video straight to my husband. I went into a huge panic. I was so scared of him carrying out his threats that I went along with it, exchanging half-hearted sexual texts with him. His messages became so degrading. Eventually I realised the best thing to do was just stop replying completely. Once I stopped, his messages petered out. I can’t believe I let myself get involved with such a creep. I think men like him target married women. I wasn’t the only one on that holiday to cheat with a local man. One of my friends on the trip was single and nobody showed her any interest at all. It was a scary lesson and I won’t take a risk like that again. Is there anything I could do about the man who tried to blackmail me? DEIDRE SAYS: This is a reminder, if any were needed, to be very careful on holiday. Resorts are hotspots for predators, blackmailers and sexual infections. It would be worth reporting what happened to the police, so they can make the authorities in Greece aware. If enough women speak out, men like him can be stopped and punished. If you go on another similar trip, the best way to keep yourself safe and protected is not to cheat. WIFE’S FURIOUS I HAD DATING APP DEAR DEIDRE: SOME mutual friends spotted my profile on a dating website and immediately tipped off my wife. She is now threatening to leave me over a total misunderstanding and I am devastated. When she confronted me, she was in a rage. I had never seen her so angry. I tried to explain the truth, that I was just bored and curious. I never paid for a subscription, I never messaged anyone, and I have certainly never cheated on her. Despite my explanation, she wasn’t in the mood to listen and now she just won’t drop it. I am 34 and she is 33. We have two girls aged eight and five. Our home has turned into a war zone. Every argument we have turns into her interrogating me about my loyalty and commitment. The other day, I forgot to feed the dog and she blew up, ranting about me and the website right in front of our children. Now they are scared and think we are getting a divorce. We have tried reassuring them that we are staying together but the tension in the house has become unbearable. We can’t stop fighting. I love my family but to be honest I can’t face any more of her endless accusations over one stupid mistake. Am I mad for thinking that I should just pack my bags and leave? DEIDRE SAYS: Walking away now would be a massive mistake when you haven’t given your marriage one last shot. Your wife is deeply hurt that you looked elsewhere. You need to ask yourself how you would have reacted if the roles were reversed. Right now, your children are bearing the brunt of this unbearable tension at home. For their sake, home arguments must become strictly off-limits. It is so damaging for them to hear you at each other’s throats. Instead of letting resentment destroy your family, you both need to work out what drove you to that site in the first place. Suggest to her that you both look into couples counselling through tavistockrelationships.org (020 7380 1975), to help rebuild trust. HER EXES MAKE ME FEEL SICK DEAR DEIDRE: EVERY time I look at my girlfriend I think of all the lovers she’s had. It makes me feel sick to my stomach. I am 29 and she is 27. We have been together for almost a year but since she told me the number, it feels as if everything between us has been ruined. She casually dropped it into conversation recently, confessing she has been to bed with around 25 men. Just thinking about all those other guys touching her and being intimately involved with her makes me so angry. My own record is around the same number but that is completely different. It makes me so angry. I can’t get the images of her having sex with all of these other men out of my head. It is driving me crazy. I feel humiliated, bitter and betrayed. How am I supposed to touch her when all I see are 25 other men? I don’t think I can take it much longer. DEIDRE SAYS: It is hypocritical to react like this when you have had almost the exact same number of sexual partners yourself. She can’t change her sexual history and, in any case, her past has made her the person you love today. Ask yourself honestly why your past experiences were any different from your girlfriend’s. Reflecting on this obvious double standard will help you realise that a meaningless casual encounter or one-night stand is poles apart from a loving, committed relationship, which is something you share. Her past doesn’t define her or make her feelings for you any less. HOT LOVER’S NO LONGER INTERESTED DEAR DEIDRE: BLOWING up my world for my personal trainer wasn’t worth it. I have ended up with nothing. I am 38 and married. My husband is 39. I fell head over heels into a passionate fling with my trainer, 26. I was bowled over by the incredible sex and his promises. He said his marriage was a mistake and begged me to leave my husband for him. I walked away from my marriage, expecting him to do the same. When he stayed put, I was gutted. But he eventually left his wife and I thought our life together was starting. Instead, he dropped me. Last week, I spotted him in town with his arm around another woman. When I confronted him by text, he casually said he only wanted to be friends, and that I’d made a mistake leaving my husband. It was so cold. DEIDRE SAYS: Do you regret leaving your husband because you realise you love him and want to save your marriage, or because you have been left high and dry? Only if your answer is the former, think about whether your husband might consider taking you back. Talk openly with him about why your marriage broke down in the first place and what steps you can both take to get things back on track. My support pack Cheating – Can You Get Over It? will help. If you only regret your decision because you have been let down by the personal trainer, it wouldn’t be fair to try to patch up your marriage.