Leaving Cert results: Dealing with disappointment may be new, but it’s a critical life skill too

Three distinct groups of students will have concerning reactions to exam results and each needs to be listened to honestlyShould a desired number of points not be achieved, or a grade fall below an expected standard, it is important to focus on the child’s strengths and achievements and build on that strength. Photograph: Dara Mac Dónaill Feelings of pressure, anxiety and uncertainty are building in thousands of homes around Ireland this weekend ahead of the release of the Leaving Cert results next Friday.Many guidance counsellors argue there is no such thing as a bad result, and opportunities to progress in education, training and life are available for anyone who wants to find them. But given that the class of 2026 was the largest on record, with almost 67,000 candidates sitting the first exam, English Paper One, back in early June, anxiety is sure to give way to disappointment in many households. Annette Clancy, a University College Dublin associate professor and expert on what she describes as the “science of disappointment”, says learning to deal with unmet expectations is an “essential and inevitable life skill” that some teenagers will become familiar with this week.READ MOREThe expectations on students are often more crippling than the difficulty of the exams themselves, she says. Clancy puts this down to that “sick feeling” you get when expectations are not met, especially if you are of “the belief that the result will determine everything in life going forward”.“Disappointment happens when our reality falls short of our expectations and that kind of ‘pain of disappointment’ is not really about the result; it touches on a deeper anxiety. “It’s about identity, about capability. If somebody fails an exam, it’s not just, ‘oh, I’ve failed a math exam’, it’s about this investment that we have in ourselves and in a potential future that we’re already emotionally invested in.”Annette Clancy: 'It is now possible to separate your identity from a simple exam result. There are more options.' Photograph: Fennell Photography The reaction of some students to events such as the release of Leaving Cert results can be particularly concerning, according to Paul Downes, professor of psychology and education at Dublin City University, who divides this into three distinct groups.“The first group of students are those who draw their personal self-worth purely or predominantly from academic performance, whether through the influence of their parents or themselves,” he says. “It is important that this group are supported early on, before results come out, to have wider concessions of self-worth than just academic performance.”The second group, he adds, is those affected by “what you might call adverse childhood experiences or trauma”; young people who may have experienced domestic violence, bereavement, homelessness, poverty or bullying.“Their reaction to the Leaving Cert may be the trigger for a whole range of other vulnerabilities. There are cycles of self-hate and self-blame if they don’t get what they desire. For them, the Leaving Cert stress and strain is built on a wider range of issues and desires that are there in their lives.” Lastly, Downes says, there are those who have already disengaged from the educational system, “almost like a pre-emptive strategy”. These students need to be supported and presented with options “so they can see a range of pathways going forward”.“It sounds like generic advice,” Downes adds. “But it is very important that parents are listening honestly to their children. Don’t try to pretend that the young person isn’t upset. There should be a listening process. Let them be upset and express their emotions.”Paul Downes, professor of psychology and education at Dublin City University Ideally, he says, parents would communicate their love and respect for their children “irrespective of their grades”.“The role of the parent is huge here in fostering that kind of sense of self-confidence.”Should a desired number of points not be achieved, or a grade fall below an expected standard, it is important to “focus on the child’s strengths and achievements and build on that strength”, Downes says. Clancy can still clearly recall being “incredibly disappointed” with the outcome of her own Irish Leaving Cert exam, a result she “just couldn’t understand”. “There was little opportunity to seek support back when I did the Leaving Cert ... There was no sense that you could even challenge an exam result. I was heartbroken and there was nobody to talk to about it.”She remembers feeling a deep sense of “personal failure” and believing she was simply “not good enough”, something that stayed with her for a “very long time”. “Disappointment, specifically in relation to exams for students and young adults, is really associated with people placing unspoken expectations both on other people and into us,” she says. “There’s nothing worse than a parent saying ‘I’m disappointed in you’. I think we always remember that as a child.”Looking back now, Clancy says she would offer her younger self a very different outlook on life and exams. “I would have said to myself, ‘Look, your whole future isn’t hinging on this’. Of course, I thought at the time that it was.”If she was to do it all over again, Clancy says she would have spoken to someone about how she felt rather than carrying the burden on her shoulders alone. “I would have talked about it with friends, to my parents. I would have been less harsh with myself because I think I was being very, very harsh with myself,” she says.“It is now possible to separate your identity from a simple exam result. There are more options now. “There are all kinds of ways of making a future that’s really creative, there are fantastic and really interesting people I know who have done things that have no resemblance to the results they got in their Leaving Cert exams.”Downes believes a key thing for those worried about the reaction of their loved one in the coming weeks will be to offer a listening ear and let them articulate how they feel. Parents should make clear that performance in a particular exam, or on a given day, is not a full and final assessment on their son or daughter’s future. “There should be a level of recognition between ability or competence and performance,” he adds. “Many people who suffered initial setbacks like disappointing Leaving Cert results have made big marks on Irish society and globally. They made their mark in different ways.”The Irish Times will publish an education supplement on Friday, August 21st – the day students receive their Leaving Certificate results. It will have news, information and advice for students and parentsIN THIS SECTION