Joe Humphreys: Please don’t tell me you hope I am well - because I might just answer

Dear reader, I hope you are well. Let me get that out of the way, because I won’t be saying it again.I’m fed up with the “I hope you are well” trend in emails, WhatsApps and other communications.The use of the phrase really took off during the Covid-19 pandemic, according to business observers – an understandable urge given the deadly virus then circulating. But today we just have the usual hazards that come with being human. So what’s wrong with a simple “hello”?I’m not against inquiring into another person’s welfare, but “I hope you are well” has become too reflexive, too automatic for my tastes. Literally, it’s on auto-prompt. Starting typing “I hope ... ” and then swipe right to complete the rest.READ MOREResponding meaningfully to “hope you’re well” has become another task to tick off. And when the phrase is in corporate communications, it seems cloying or indecently chummy.A more honest greeting might read: “The world’s gone to shit, and no one really knows why we’re here, but have you got that report I was looking for yesterday ...”Obviously, I do hope you are well, but can’t we take that for granted? I mean, I’m not a psychopath. Also, call me naive, but I generally assume people don’t wish me to be unwell. So, like, thanks for the concern, but suppose I’m in the depths of existential dejection; are you really ready for me to offload my feelings on you?What does an expert think? Dr Emma Farrell is an assistant professor in mental health in the department of psychology at Maynooth University. She offers another view as today’s Unthinkable guest.Dr Emma Farrell, assistant professor in mental health in the Department of Psychology at Maynooth University The phrase ‘hope you’re well’ can feel robotic. Should we scrap it?“No. I can hope someone is doing well without necessarily having a close relationship with them. Indeed, the Buddhist loving-kindness meditation invites us to wish others well as a practice that connects us to our shared humanity. So while your email reflex may not have the wellbeing of humanity at its heart, it’s not likely to do any harm.”But can someone establish how you are without being present?“It’s very hard to establish how somebody is without direct information from the person themselves. If we see someone in person, particularly someone we know, we can often tell how they are by reading their body language, facial expressions and general energy and demeanour. I’m struck by the philosopher and sociologist Hartmut Rosa’s account of resonance: the experience of being reached by something in another person – a shadow of pain, despair or joy on their face – and responding in a way that changes the encounter. I’m not sure that kind of resonance is possible without presence.“Without presence, we are relying much more on what people say in response to ‘I hope you’re well’. As with many social courtesies, the answer may be as reflexive as the greeting – ‘I’m great thanks, I hope you’re well too’. There’s nothing wrong with that, but we all need some people in our lives with whom we can answer that question honestly.”What exactly is a resonant relationship, and can you create it online?“A resonant relationship is one in which we feel that the other person reaches us, that we are safe and welcome to respond as ourselves, and that something in us shifts or is moved through the encounter. This can happen online. For someone who finds it difficult to meet people or connect in person, an online encounter may even offer a much-needed opportunity to meet someone who understands their experience.“But I don’t think resonance comes from using the right greeting or platform or playing the ‘communication’ game well. It relies on an openness and willingness to be present to how someone actually is, what they say, what they express, or what they struggle to convey ... “Resonance calls for space, time, attention and an openness to being affected by the other person. This openness can be hard to summon when we’re distracted, exhausted or caught up in our own worries and concerns.”Businesses have observed how the phrase 'hope you're well' took off during the Covid-19 pandemic as an email greeting. Photograph: iStock/Getty How do you create meaningful connections in a remote working context?“There’s no special toolkit for building a connection through a screen. The same things matter in remote working contexts as physical working contexts – doing good work, being kind and showing, over time, that you’re a decent person to work with.”Okay, I’m softening a bit on ‘hope you’re well’. Perhaps what’s really triggering me is the volume of communications online rather than one particular pleasantry per se. But why is this greeting so ubiquitous?“The words we use to greet one another reflect the conventions of our culture and the moment we’re living in. In Ireland in 2026, ‘I hope you’re well’ is an acceptable way of saying ‘I recognise there is another human being on the other end of this exchange who has a life and needs and feelings that are worth acknowledging’ before getting down to business. Perhaps what we feel compelled to do is greet one another, rather than assess the wellbeing of everyone on our organisation’s mailing list. And that’s no bad thing.”