Jessie Cave thinks handling one child is harder than 4 – here’s what parents think

Parenting is hard no matter how many kids you have – but is there an optimum number? (Picture: Getty Images) Basic maths would suggest that having fewer children makes for a slightly easier life than dealing with an entire brood — but not everyone agrees. Speaking on an episode of their podcast, Before We Break Up Again, hosts Jessie Cave and Alfie Brown, who are married with four kids, say that one child is actually ‘more difficult’ to parent, than multiple kids. Alfie said: ‘They’re so used to having to fight and clamor for our attention, that when we have one by themselves, they go into this overload of: “I can’t believe that I’ve got access to two adults and I’m just one child. What is this horn of plenty I’ve been delivered?”‘ The dad-of-four added that his kids are usually ‘so starved of focus from us… because we’re too often managing them like they’re a team of things.’ It might sound illogical, but Alfie and Jessie aren’t the only parents that feel this way. On TikTok, lifestyle creator @CarlieRoman made a similar statement. The mum-of-three told her followers that ‘having one kid is harder than having any other amount of kids.’ ‘Once you have two, something shifts in your brain where you remember “I cannot just make my entire life revolve around one tiny human”,’ she continued. ‘Your ability to prioritise, go with the flow, and just get things done, totally changes.’ Ask Metro Use AI to go deeper into the stories you care about – powered by Metro and trusted publications. A number of parents rushed to agree with Carlie in the comment section. One user, @Abs, wrote, ‘This makes me feel so much better!’ while @A added: ‘I completely agree – especially once they become toddlers.’ Metro spoke with parents on either end of the spectrum to find out more. ‘I can relax more with three children’ Darya Simanovich, 42, lives in London with her three children. While she stresses that parenting is ‘exhausting whether you have one or more’, she agree that more children are easier to deal with. The mum tells Metro: ‘My younger two can play together for a long time, while my eldest is now a teenager and increasingly has her own social life. ‘There are moments when they are completely occupied with each other and I suddenly realise I have some time to myself.’ ‘You simply can’t control every detail of three people’s lives — and perhaps that’s quite healthy for everyone,’ Darya explains (Picture: Darya Simanovich) Darya adds that if she were to only have one child, she imagines she’d be ‘much more laser-focused on everything they did.’ ‘With my first child, I was signing her up for baby sign language classes and all sorts of activities because you feel like you should be doing everything,’ she explains. ‘There could be a feeling that so much is riding on this one child, whereas with three, your attention naturally has to be distributed. ‘By the time you have three, you realise children don’t need every minute of their lives organised.’ Overall, Darya feels having multiple kids has ‘taught [her] to relax a little more as a parent’ — and recently, she’s particularly enjoyed ‘watching the three of them develop almost like their own little team.’ ‘They complement each other, negotiate, argue, make up and come up with ideas together,’ says Darya. ‘They’ve already started little ventures together, from a lemonade stand to dog boarding.’ In response to the specific comments made by Jessie and Alfie, Darya says she finds jealousy to be ‘one of the trickiest parts of parenting three children.’ ‘Sometimes one will say, “You prefer the younger one,” or feel that another sibling is getting more of my attention,’ she shares. ‘Then you need to have those longer conversations and try to understand what is really behind it, so whoever has the most drama or needs me most at that particular moment tends to get more of my emotional attention.’ ‘I’ve got twins — I don’t worry as much as my friends’ Ivana Poku, 42, from Scotland, shares a similar sentiment. The mum-of-three has actually never had the experience of parenting just one child, as she gave birth to twins, now 10, followed by her now four-year-old. Ivana stresses that, in her opinion, the best thing about having multiple kids is the fact that you become far less anxious. Being a first-time parent can be incredibly anxiety-inducing (Picture: Ivana Poku) ‘I can imagine how anxious mums of one must be all the time about everything – it’s actually a pattern I’ve noticed among my friends,’ she tells Metro. ‘Say, for example, your child is alone, sitting downstairs, and you need to do something upstairs, you feel guilty – it’s perfectly normal but mums with multiple kids don’t have that.’ Mirroring Carlie’s point, Ivana adds: ‘It’s like our brains are wired differently.’ The same goes for the child’s future. In Ivana’s situation, it brings her a ‘huge amount of comfort and peace of mind’ knowing that her kids will always have each other. Is having just one child really harder? Paulomi Debna, 46, tells Metro that while having one child wasn’t necessarily the plan from the beginning, it ultimately became their family’s reality and they’ve ‘never regretted it’. When asked about her thoughts on Jessie and Alfie’s claim, Paulomi is pretty strong in her response: ‘I don’t agree with that at all.’ In Paulomi’s opinion, having one child is definitely ‘not easier’ than having multiple (Picture: Paulomi Debna) ‘I can see why people might say that siblings entertain each other or have someone to lean on’ she adds ‘but having multiple children also means doubling — and sometimes more than doubling — the financial and logistical demands.’ ‘There is the cost of childcare, holidays, activities, school, transport and simply managing family life while both parents have full-time careers. ‘We travel quite a lot and enjoy giving our son experiences, and I honestly can’t imagine that becoming easier with two children.’ At the end of the day, every family is different – each with their own set of benefits and difficulties (Picture: Getty Images) That being said, Paulomi does recognise that when you only have one child, certain patterns emerge, although she wouldn’t exactly class them as ‘harder’. ‘I am conscious of indulging him too much because he is our only child. There is only one child to focus our time, attention and resources on, so I think you have to be conscious of making sure they understand that the world doesn’t revolve around them!’ But, ultimately, Paulomi shares that having one child has allowed her family to make the choices that are right for them. At the end of the day, being a parent is tough – whether you’re raising one child or five. So, whatever decision you make… good luck! Do you have a story you’d like to share? Get in touch by emailing MetroLifestyleTeam@metro.co.uk Arrow MORE: Boys and girls really are different — and it starts within hours of being born Arrow MORE: I gave birth outside KFC, so I’ve named my baby after the chain Arrow MORE: My parents want me to pay £6,500 for their anniversary trip while my brother goes free