JAN MOIR: Crackdown on sleazy celebs? Let's start by banning the NDAs they cynically wield

My God. Who would have thought it? Russell Brand is now behind bars, jailed for over ten years on rape and sexual assault charges.David Walliams has been uncovered as the celebrity trying to prevent the publication of allegations of sexual misconduct.Another male celebrity has also taken out a gagging order to protect himself against allegations over his sexual behaviour.No doubt several other legendary lotharios, perhaps even some of those who were prominent in the lads mag-era of the 1990s, will now be quaking in their sensible old‑man loafers, wondering when the knock is coming to their door.For, encouraged by the guilty verdicts in the Brand case, more women are coming forward to tell of their bad experiences at the hands of these powerful, rich celebrities. They are convinced the time has come for their allegations of abuse to be believed, no matter the circumstances.As Judge Bennathan said in his sentencing remarks last week: ‘Whatever women wear, wherever they go, indeed whatever they drink, they retain the right to say no and to demand justice from the criminal courts when sexual predators like you, Russell Brand, act without their consent.’Women have waited years to hear a British judge speak these words. It was an incredible, encouraging statement.However, I do worry that fresh complainants may clog up the legal system for years, along with police and court time, with nothing more than petty grievances and hurt feelings; the last gasp of the spurned and the reckless in a world where celebrity warps everything. Is this a price worth paying for justice for the long forsaken? Russell Brand was jailed this week for rape and sexual assault, while his one-time pal David Walliams was unmasked as the celebrity accused of sexual misconduct and groomingCertainly, we have reached a moment – but what precise moment is it? Witch hunt, final reckoning, the squalid inevitable, the end of times, a feminist victory for the ages, Britain’s MeToo moment?To be honest, I loathe the triumphalism that has accompanied the Brand guilty verdicts. For everything about this case makes me feel sick, not least because it is not a cause for celebration but a tragedy for all involved.A tragedy for the assaulted women whose lives have been blighted by their corrosive contact with Brand, a tragedy for his poor wife and children and, yes, even a tragedy for Brand himself.In the fetid pool of celebrity where he once swam, he was indulged and invited to believe he was so powerful and adored that he could behave as he wished, without censure. As with David Walliams – who, it must be said, currently faces no criminal charges – this seems to have brutalised and emboldened both men.I attended some of Brand’s trial at Southwark Crown Court and watched this priapic idiot shrink and wither in the dock as the law took its course. He first swaggered in convinced he had done nothing wrong – but exited less than four weeks later in a police van heading for a grim London jail, his life trajectory now a downward arc that goes like this; comedian, actor, guru, preacher, podcaster, convicted rapist, prisoner.The case has been very high-profile and, unsurprisingly, the government have been quick to act, or to pretend to act. Culture Secretary Lisa Nandy says the media industry – and by this I think she means primarily the entertainment industry – must stop abuse, improve safeguards or face crackdowns.Crackdowns, Lisa? What the hell might they be?May I suggest they could ban NDAs for a start, the Non-Disclosure Agreements with which badly behaved celebrities insure themselves against the complaints of staff, fans and other lesser beings in an egregious suppression of freedom of speech. That would help, but I am not holding my breath.New workplace codes of practice would improve matters, but who is to implement them? Kermit? Sooty? SpongeBob SquarePants? The ghost of Jimmy Savile?Miss Nandy is calling a meeting next week – with whom, gosh I’d love to know – so she is on the case, she’s got a file and everything, look at her go.Yet where does she progress from here? Any ‘crackdowns’ in the entertainment industry would have to be voluntary, any changes self-implemented and at the mercy of the great ratings war, all of which gets her precisely nowhere. Culture Secretary Lisa Nandy has put the entertainment industry on notice to clean up its actAnd while Miss Nandy means well, look at the mess in her own back yard. Over the last few years, several MPs in the House of Commons have faced criminal convictions or resigned following sexual assault and harassment allegations, including Imran Ahmad Khan, Charlie Elphicke and Andrew Griffiths. Others such as Rob Roberts and Mike Hill have faced suspensions or tribunal findings regarding sexual harassment of staff.And let us not forget that in 2020 Jess Phillips wrote: ‘I fear the young women who work for me, or those who serve our drinks, write our legislation or guard the doors in parliament, do not feel completely safe.’ Power imbalance, the sexual harassment of women just trying to do their jobs – it happens everywhere and it is hypocritical for all of us to pretend it does not.I think back to my own time working in the music and entertainment industry, when the kind of saturated celebrity that protected men like Russell Brand and David Walliams was pretty much impregnable.Yes, readers, I am an old lady now, but I was once a young and pretty publicist, exactly the kind of low-hanging fruit – the receptionists, production assistants, radio station workers – that Russell Brand targeted. I can think of at least three instances with famous men who are still household names whom I had to fight off in lifts, in a restaurant and, yes, even in a hotel sauna in Germany.I would suggest that at least one of the sexual assaults was more serious than those claimed against Russell Brand – but what can I say? I am a policeman’s daughter who grew up on a council estate in Dundee, and I am as physically tough and emotionally resilient as all that suggests.When these incidents happened to me, I chalked it down to experience. I moved on. Or I fought back. My father taught me many things, including a handy claw grip to apply when someone puts an unwanted hand on your knee. I still sometimes do it as a dinner party trick, just for the quiet joy of seeing disbelieving men crumple to the floor whimpering after five seconds of application. Don’t kick someone in the groin, Dad always advised. Punch them in the throat instead, its much more effective.These tips have stood me in as much good stead throughout my life as napkin folding techniques and The Delia’s advice on the best way to roast a potato.My point is that while some of us might be strong and able to cope, the law in all its glory is there to protect the more fragile. Those who might not be able to cope or make good decisions. Those who are enthralled by celebrity when they should be alarmed. Those who willingly went to Russell Brand’s home. Those who were thrilled to get a handwritten postcard from David Walliams asking them to confirm their age.I still have my misgivings about everything that has happened over the past two weeks.I still wonder if it is entirely fair to say nothing – nothing! – for 20 years and then accuse a man of sexual misconduct without a whisker of evidence to back your claims, while maintaining your own anonymity.Yet if the outcome is that these undoubtedly bad men are just not going to get away with their awful behaviour any more, then surely that is a good thing. My old young self and my new old self would both concur.Florence’s the good, the bad and the ugly Florence Pugh has become known for taking on challenging roles, the latest being the malevolent Cathy in Netflix's adaptation of East Of Eden Got to love Florence Pugh, who says she does her best acting work when she ‘truly feels ugly’.Florence, darling, same here.The Black Widow star, who is set to return as Yelena Belova in Avengers: Doomsday, revealed that feeling less focused on looking good helps her while acting.‘When I’ve got s*** make-up on and I’m either sick or ugly or having a hangover or a breakdown, I love it because it allows me to be free,’ she says. ​‘If the camera picks up that I have a stomach roll when I’m sitting down, then I have a stomach roll... I just give it over to the art.’Sick, ugly, rolls, whatever. It sounds like the bread menu in a hipster bakery, but I love it. Just give it over to the art!Florence, you crazy kid. This is my mantra from now on.Staff at Great Western Hospitals NHS Foundation Trust in Swindon were invited to take part in a ‘disrupt racism’ course for ‘individuals who are white and live in the world as white people’. A Care Quality Commission report, meanwhile, said while the hospital care was ‘good’, its maternity along with urgent care and emergency services ‘required improvement’.I don’t have to identify as white to note that says it all.Why did Meghan go to Brussels with hubby Harry? Prince Harry and Meghan arrive at the European Parliament this week for the duke's speech on child safetyPlease send my gift-boxed, ribbon-wrapped sympathies to the beleaguered Duchess of Sussex, who does not have her problems to seek. Meghan is just trying to get on with her busy life as a global philanthropist-cum-flower-arranging jampreneur and chic list chocolatier while avoiding the rolling boil of ongoing family scandal.And no wonder. Her estranged father Thomas, 82, is back in police custody in Florida after allegedly removing his electronic ankle monitor. This follows his arrest for allegedly possessing child sexual abuse material. Photos of Mr Markle in his prison-issue orange jumpsuit show him looking angry and – dare I say this? – a little bit mad.It is certainly not good for business if you, like Meghan, are involved in a mission to eradicate child abuse online.Nothing makes much sense here. Meghan and her father have been estranged for eight years and what she knew about and when is murky. A letter containing troubling allegations about Mr Markle was sent to the Metropolitan Police in 2019, then passed to Meghan. Yet in her December 2022 Netflix series Harry & Meghan, she said that following her parents’ divorce when she was six her mum and dad ‘co-parented well’ and she was close to her father, describing herself as a ‘daddy’s girl my whole life’.Fast-forward to 2025, when somehow everything had changed. She allegedly sent her ill father a letter saying he’d never meet her children. It is no doubt difficult. Yet if Meghan was going to be too emotional to speak in Brussels on Tuesday – she pulled out of a joint public statement with her husband – why did she still accompany Prince Harry to the Belgian capital?Perhaps it is because she wanted everyone to see her brave suffering. Perhaps because she feels her trauma bequeaths a certain nobility upon the House of Sussex. And perhaps because in the absence of anything else remotely honourable, it will have to suffice for now.Health news to make you ill. The Department for Work and Pensions’ Family Resources Survey says one in four British people is disabled – a higher rate than in the immediate aftermath of the Second World War. More economic inactivity comes from an online group of young women known as ‘sickfluencers’, who turn ‘chronic’ illness into a lifestyle trend and entrench a culture of joblessness through the kind of bogus illnesses one doctor called basically a ‘lack of sleep and a poor diet’.Meanwhile, close to a million young people are not in education, employment or training, and six out of ten have never had a job. It is not good for us, it is not good for society, but most of all it is not good for them.LA gets stuck into our toffee puddingSticky toffee pudding is having a moment – in California! The Los Angeles Times reports that the beloved British dish is LA’s newest dessert craze.‘There is arguably no better way to end a meal than with a sticky toffee pudding,’ enthuses a sugary report in the LA Times.‘The soft and tender sponge cake, made from a batter with softened dates, arrives hot and drowned in a rich, glossy toffee sauce.‘Crowned with a scoop of ice cream for a glorious interplay of temperatures. It’s not difficult to see why it’s one of Britain’s favourite desserts. And luckily for Angelenos, you can now find great sticky toffee pudding on the menu at several restaurants across the city.’Indeed. A Persian restaurant adds candied orange and walnuts, a West African-inspired one makes a version with both dates and plantains while others add fish sauce, and ‘aged vanilla jaggery powder’.All those date palms had to come in useful one day.