James Talarico Crashes ‘SNL’ Cold Open: ‘I’m the Guy Who’s Been Texting You Every Day Asking for $5’

Newly elected Texas Sen. James Talarico crashed this week’s “Saturday Night Live” cold open — in order to ask the question on everyone’s mind: How many more of these “Donald-Trump-freezes-the-action-to-ramble” cold opens is “SNL” going to do? Responded “Donald Trump” (James Austin Johnson): “Infinity!”Talarico popped up near the end of the cold open to cheers from the “SNL” audience. “I’m the guy who’s been texting you every day asking for $5,” he said in introducting himself. (“In this economy, who can blame you?” said Trump.) “But I think, Mr. President, if we can work together, we can make life better for everyday Americans. It’s clear people want something new. They want something different. I’m talking, of course, about SNL’s cold opens. How many of these Trump freezers are they going to do?” “Saturday Night Live” opened its first episode post-midterm election with Sarah Sherman as Chuck Schumer and Kenan Thompson as Hakeem Jeffries celebrating this week’s “blue tsunami” while refusing to admit that with young Democrats energized, perhaps it’s time for them to step aside and pass the torch to the next generation. But then, of course, Donald Trump (James Austin Johnson) freezed the frame and gave his take on the election. “The Democrats never would have won without this horrible economy and terrible war,” he said. “So, in the words of Moana’s big fat friend, ‘You’re welcome.'” Trump then noted that “They’re saying the era of Trump is over” — leading “J.D. Vance” to pop in: “and the era of Vance has just begun!” Responded Trump: “No, no way… Who the hell was that?” Trump then pointed out that “the other day we lost, and I didn’t even say it was rigged. I accepted the results, which is almost scarier in a way. It’s like, ‘what the hell is he planning?’ I’ll tell you what I’m planning: ballroom. That’s it. That’s all I care about. Look at that beam, big beam over there. Look at that, and marble. The likes of which you’ve never seen. Oh my God! I hate my life. The next two years are going to be awful. I don’t want to work with these people. It’s not that they’re Democrats; it’s that they’re millennials.” “Trump” then went on a long discourse about the millennial fave TV show “New Girl”: “You know that was a show where Jess was the new girl, but really it was about ensemble, right? Schmidt, Winston. You know I said you got to figure out Winston. They didn’t have Winston figured out the first time. When they gave him the cat, that’s when they unlocked a lot of stories for Winston.” Then came Pete Hesgeth (Colin Jost): “You think some election is going to stop me? Do I look like a person who gets less crazy when backed into a corner? I live a YOLO lifestyle. You only lose often, so I’m gonna keep losing for you, sir, unless Congress impeaches me. But you won’t let that happen, right… Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go weigh the female soldiers. Peace out, war in.” Talarico’s appearance came just days after he won the Texas senate race with 55.09% of the vote, beating Ken Paxton and flipping the seat Democrat — the first time there’s been a blue senator in Texas since 1988. Talarico’s win was part of the “blue tsunami” that gave the Democrats control of the House and the Senate, as well as a majority of governorships. Saturday’s episode came with a bit of history: Comedian Druski was host, making him the first online content creator to host the sketch show. Druski, whose real name is Drew Desbordes, was set to be joined by musical guest The Strokes. This season’s guest hosts have so far included New York Knicks superstar player Jalen Brunson (Sept. 26), “Verity” actress Dakota Johnson (Oct. 3), comedian Shane Gillis (Oct. 10) and “Obsession” star Inde Navarrette (Oct. 31), while the music guests have included Katseye, Turnstile, Rosalía and Gracie Abrams. The Halloween episode hosted by Navarrette averaged 5.2 million viewers, making it the biggest audience of the season so far. Next up, comedian John Mulaney is set to host the Nov. 14 episode, while Phoebe Bridgers will be the musical guest.