I’ve just inherited £900,000 — is it wrong not to tell my kids?

The widowed mum-of-two has been keeping her windfall a secret (Picture: Getty Images) A large inheritance can bring financial security, but it can also come with expectations from relatives who think some of it should be sent their way. After inheriting a £900,000 windfall from her sister earlier this year, this week’s Money Problem reader, 66-year old Denise, has decided to keep it from her children. She’s gone further than that too, telling each of them she can’t afford to help with their financial problems. Now she’s wondering whether that was the right thing to do though, so asked Metro consumer champion, Sarah Davidson, for help. The problem… I’m 66, widowed and live in Cheshire. I own my house outright and have pension income of around £26,000 a year. My sister died earlier this year and left me £900,000 after the estate’s bills and tax were paid. She had no children. I haven’t told my son or daughter. They know she left me something but I have let them believe there was very little left after her care costs. My daughter works and has two young children. She is constantly stressed about nursery fees and recently asked whether I could help with £300 a month. My son has around £16,000 of credit-card debt and he’s asked for a loan to clear it. Ask Metro Use AI to go deeper into the stories you care about – powered by Metro and trusted publications. I’ve told both of them I can’t afford it. Denise’s daughter has asked for help with her monthly bills (Picture: Getty Images) The truth is that I could, but I’ve spent years worrying about money after my husband died and this inheritance has finally made me feel secure. I also want to travel while I’m still healthy and have been looking at a £25,000 cruise. I love my children but I’m frightened that once they know, they’ll assume I’ll bail them out of every financial problem they encounter. My friend says watching them struggle while hiding nearly a million pounds is selfish. Am I wrong to keep it for myself? The answer… Denise, you don’t have to buy your son a debt-free life or become your daughter’s nursery fund. But telling them you cannot afford to help when you have just inherited £900,000 is quite a story to maintain. Particularly once the cruise photos appear. I think you need to stop lying before you decide how generous to be. Should Denise disclose her inheritance to her children? Yes, full disclosure is the best optionCheck No, she can keep it private if she prefersCheck She should tell them eventually but decide on her own timingCheck Look beyond the headlines with exclusive articles, emotive interviews and must-read explainers from our expert team of reporters across news, lifestyle and entertainment. Assuming your sister left the money to you outright, rather than asking you to hold any for someone else, it is yours. Your adult children do not automatically get a share. You can also keep your finances private without giving them a running account of your bank balance. However, the inheritance may be less secret than you think. In England and Wales, the government’s probate service allows anyone to order a grant and the will where one is included. That means your children could easily discover what your sister left you if they really wanted to. And while this wouldn’t necessarily reveal the precise sum you received but it could unravel what you’ve told them. You’re very sensibly wanting to protect your future financial security and you’re allowed to enjoy the fact you’ve got a bit more freedom now. Still, your daughter asking for help to stay afloat with childcare is hardly demanding a yacht. Sarah recommends independent advice (Picture:: Getty Images) If I may be so bold, I think you’re turning this into an either/or situation – it doesn’t have to be. First, work out what you need. I’d suggest, given you’ve said this is the first time you’ve had this amount of capital, you get some independent financial advice. MoneyHelper has a really useful tool that can talk you through how to find an adviser and manage the process of choosing one you feel you can work with. Make sure whoever you choose is independent and ask for all charges and fees written down up front. It’s worth me saying that there are many female (and male) advisers who specialise in helping single women to manage a new inheritance – it’s not all stuffy, grey-haired men in suits. With this much money I think proper planning is needed. It will come with more complex tax considerations – for example, the interest earned on inherited cash can be taxable and will necessitate you filling out a self-assessment tax return. Once you know your needs are covered, you are in a better position to decide whether to help them. More Metro Money Problems If you do, be really clear about what the boundaries are and put them in writing. You could offer your daughter a fixed contribution for a limited period. With your son, however, I’d ask to see the balances and his budget before offering to wipe his debts. If he is still spending more than he earns, clearing the cards could simply make room for another £16,000. You can set different conditions for different needs and, crucially, you do not have to promise them identical payments or never-ending support. Either way, keep records and check the tax position. HMRC’s annual gifting exemption is £3,000 in total, not per child. You can give more, but larger gifts may be relevant for inheritance tax if you die within seven years. Then correct what you said. Be honest with them, saying something like: ‘I inherited more than I let on. I was frightened of being expected to fund everyone and handled that badly. I’m planning for my retirement before making any decisions about gifts.’ As for the cruise, go if it fits your plan. Your children may dislike your priorities and they’re entitled to their feelings. But you’re just as entitled to spend your money however you choose. Deals of the Day The Orlando holiday deal Disney fans shouldn't miss We're adding this discounted NEOM gift set straight to basket Want an LED face mask for less? This Black Friday deal could save you hundreds This teeth whitening sale could save you up to 64% before Black Friday These Simba Black Friday deals are too good for tired shoppers to ignore You don’t have to hand over £900,000 to be an honest mother. You do have to stop pretending it isn’t there. Do you have a story you’d like to share? Get in touch by emailing MetroLifestyleTeam@metro.co.uk Arrow MORE: M&S launches three massive Christmas prize draws — with vouchers up to £1,500 Arrow MORE: 8 expert tips to buy and run an electric car for less Arrow MORE: Martin Lewis issues ‘ticking clock’ savings warning to first-time buyers The Sunday Edit Look beyond the headlines with exclusive articles, emotive interviews and must-read explainers from our expert team of reporters across news, lifestyle and entertainment.