I’ve Finally Met My True Sexual Soulmate. There’s Just One Problem: I’m Already a Part of Her Family.

How to Do It Well, this is awkward. Photo illustration by Slate. Photo by DGLimages/Getty Images Plus. Sign up for the Slatest to get the most insightful analysis, criticism, and advice out there, delivered to your inbox daily. How to Do It is Slate’s sex advice column. Have a question? Send it to Stoya and Rich here. It’s anonymous! Dear How to Do It, My sister-in-law “Deonna” and I have been having an affair for the last six months. This began when Deonna called for my wife “Quinn,” but she wasn’t home. She sounded a bit upset and I asked her if anything was wrong. At first she was reluctant to tell me, but with a little urging, she revealed that she was annoyed about the fact that her husband refused to go down on her. I laughed and said she wasn’t the only one frustrated in the bedroom—Quinn isn’t willing to give me blow jobs. Deonna then suggested that we could “solve each other’s problems,” and I took her up on it. The next day I had her meet me at a friend’s place where I was swinging by each day to care for his dog while he was on vacation. It turned out we are sexual soul mates. As time has passed, we’ve also developed a profound connection neither of us have with the people we are married to. We have made the decision to get divorces and get married. How would you recommend breaking the news to our respective spouses? —I Married the Wrong Sister Dear I Married the Wrong Sister, Since it is extremely unlikely that your spouses will be happy for you and your discovery via cheating that you are sexual soulmates with your wife’s sister, you might as well be as straightforward yet soft about this as possible. Rip the Band-Aid off tenderly. Tell your respective spouses what happened. Be empathetic and understanding without apologizing—no one will buy that you’re sorry when you’re making the upending life decisions that you are so don’t even bother with the gesture. Answer whatever questions your wife might have and offer to meet with her and her sister if she wants. Do whatever you can to make dealing with this situation bearable. It may be nothing. She may want nothing to do with you. This is the risk you take when you decide to leave your wife for her sister. You have to realize that receiving this information may be excruciating, though it’s important for you to deliver it. The alternative—you continue sneaking behind your wife’s back to 69 with her sister or, more broadly, staying in a relationship that is now untenable—is worse. Be as generous with your wife as possible when it comes to the splitting of your assets. Think of this not as an apology but a consolation prize. Congrats on your happiness, but this is objectively a very difficult thing to put your wife through (your new partner’s husband, as well, though I think your wife has it the worst here because she’s been betrayed by two people she is tied closely to). Do not lose sight of how awful this will potentially make her feel and do whatever you can to help her manage. —Rich More Advice From Slate A few years ago, I was dating a guy and it was an absolutely magical experience. He had diphallia—and his two penises could independently become erect and were of slightly different sizes. Unfortunately, things didn’t work out, and we went our separate ways. Since then, I’ve never met a guy who could measure up. I’ve even tried a couple of threesomes with two guys, but it just isn’t the same. I can’t exactly forget that amazing experience or prevent myself from comparing subsequent sexual encounters to it. How do I get over my own problems here? Never miss new Slate Advice columns Get the latest from Prudie and our columnists in your inbox each weekday, plus special bonus letters on Saturdays. Advice Sex