I’ve Befriended Another Single Mom. But One of Her Favorite Lines of Conversation Is Grating.

Care and Feeding Photo illustration by Slate. Photo by Miljan Živković/iStock/Getty Images Plus. Care and Feeding is Slate’s parenting advice column. Have a question for Care and Feeding? Submit it here. Dear Care and Feeding, I’m a single mom to two wonderful young kids. Recently, through mutual friends, I was introduced to “Jessica,” another single mom who just relocated to my town (there aren’t very many of us in our area), and we hit it off instantly. She’s going through a very acrimonious divorce (emotional and physical abuse included), so things are rough, and I do everything I can to support her. She also has young children, so we spend a lot of time together with our kids. One thing that I struggle to deal with is her attitude toward my divorce. My ex and I just grew apart and realized we weren’t right for one another any longer. That being said, our split was super amicable, and we co-parent very well. It’s clear there are elements of jealousy and maybe even resentment on her part that my split was so easy. There are comments made here and there that make it clear she wonders why I even got divorced or how lucky I was. I acknowledge both that divorce is incredibly traumatic and how lucky I was (it was still devastating, regardless of how it worked out), but how do I shut down the comments? It’s getting old, and I’d rather not have the same conversation every time the kids come over to swim. —Divorced Mom Dear Divorced Mom, The first thing I’d think about is whether you inadvertently insert stories about your own ex into her venting sessions about hers. For example, if she’s talking about how her ex refuses to see their kids, and you chime in with, “Oh, I know. My ex is always late picking up our kids from school. And I’m like, dude, we have 50/50 custody!” I’m not making an assumption that you are saying these kinds of things, but I know I’ve been on both sides of the equation. I’ve been the friend who is venting while another friend makes a comparison that’s not even close. And, I’ve also been the friend who tried to console a friend in distress by sharing my own stories and trying to find common ground. So, make sure you aren’t bringing your divorce into the conversation first unknowingly. Next, consider how much of it really bothers you. Is there a threshold? Are you irritated by any and all comparisons of you having an easier divorce? Or is it that it’s starting to feel excessive? It is true that sometimes you can very much love and care about a friend and be jealous of their situation. Age has taught me that acknowledging that is healthy. So, I know that you can be right about that. But also consider that maybe she is just getting her feelings all out, saying whatever is on her mind, and not always thinking about how it might be a bit annoying to you. And sometimes, it does help to just say how you’re feeling so that you can move on. That doesn’t mean that you can’t change the subject when it’s too much. A simple, “Yeah, that’s true, and I’m sorry you’re going through this” can go a long way in helping her feel acknowledged while also allowing you to pivot the conversation when you need to. —Arionne More Parenting Advice From Slate My in-laws just moved to a house with a large water feature in the backyard—an ornamental pond with a stream and waterfall flowing into it. We have an 18-month-old and 3-year-old. We used to bring them over to my in-laws’ old house for babysitting a few times a month. I want that to stop until the kids are older. My husband does not. Never miss new Slate Advice columns Get the latest from Prudie and our columnists in your inbox each weekday, plus special bonus letters on Saturdays. Advice Family Kids