I’m with the perfect man – but there’s an issue in the bedroom I can’t ignore

The problem brought him to tears (Picture: Getty/Metro) Is there such a thing as the ‘perfect man’? This week’s Sex Column reader has been with her ‘lovely partner’ for nearly a year now. He’s a gentleman, her parents are ‘thrilled’ she’s met such an amazing guy – even her friends are envious. But, behind closed doors, there’s a major issue in the bedroom that she’s not sure she can simply ignore. It’s no-one’s fault, but can you really be happy with someone who you’re sexually incompatible with? Keep reading to find out more, but before you go, check out last week’s dilemma, from a woman who was so desperate to fall in love, she ignored all of the warning signs. The problem… I have a lovely partner who I’ve been with for nearly a year. On the surface he’s so perfect in every way that all my friends envy me, and my parents are thrilled I’ve met such an amazing guy. New here? Sign up for The Hook Up newsletter Hi, my name is Laura Collins, and every week I write Metro’s Sex Column. I’ve been working in newspapers since completing my counselling training 30 years ago, and it’s always a privilege to help readers. Read my column in The Hook Up newsletter every week (Picture: Laura Collins) If you enjoy my column, you should sign up for our weekly newsletter. It has it all – expert tips, steamy stories, and everything in between. Sign up now. And if you have a sex, dating or relationship dilemma, get in touch! What no one realises is that we have a huge problem I never talk about. It makes me sad to say it, but no matter what I do, he has a very limited interest in sex. Ask Metro Use AI to go deeper into the stories you care about – powered by Metro and trusted publications. Initially, I assumed he was just being a gentleman and thought it was refreshing to meet a guy who wasn’t desperate to get me into bed the minute we met. However, as the weeks passed, I started to worry that he didn’t find me attractive enough. But no matter what sexy underwear I wore or what I did to turn him on, every sexual gesture on his part seemed forced. Finally, after nearly six months I felt I had to raise the subject, and it ended up with him in tears. He said he thinks the world of me and we have a great future together, but he is basically just not that interested in sex. He said he’s tried very hard and even seen a doctor but the fact is, he is pretty much asexual and there’s not a lot he can do about it. I’m so torn because I love him dearly, but I’m not sure whether I can live a life where I hardly ever have sex. The advice Sometimes you need to be a little bit selfish and think realistically about what will work for you. Your boyfriend may be one of the loveliest guys on earth, but a relationship without much sex doesn’t sound like what you’re looking for. For some people, rarely making love is fine, as is having sex five times a day – as long as you’re both in agreement. But you guys sound fundamentally incompatible. Is he emotionally intimate? Does he show non-sexual signs of affection, like cuddling or holding hands? Sometimes people show physical demonstrations of love while not being interested in the actual sex act. Perhaps this is enough for you, but ultimately you need to ask yourself if can cope with a relationship that didn’t have a sexual spark to begin with, and likely never will. Life is not like the movies, and passionate lovemaking often peters out after the initial excitement fades. It’s frequently the case that even the steamiest relationships become less sexual as time goes by – especially once young children are part of the picture. If you stay with your partner but end up pursuing physical liaisons elsewhere, it will cause even more heartache in the end. So, painful though it will be for both of you, I think you need to call it quits. There are other lovely guys out there who will be a better match for you, and in the long run, he too will probably be happier with someone else. Laura is a counsellor and columnist. Got a sex and dating dilemma? To get expert advice, send your problem to Laura.Collins@metro.co.uk Do you have a story to share? Get in touch by emailing MetroLifestyleTeam@Metro.co.uk Deals of the Day The best Black Friday beauty deals on the Dr Barbara Sturm face cream and hyaluronic serum The best Black Friday sleep deals to upgrade your bedroom with Simba’s 33% off sale Why shoppers are rushing to snap up this 99p Audible deal before Christmas 14,500 five-star reviews later, this cult sleep spray is discounted for Black Friday Shoppers ditch expensive dental work for these £19.99 MySweetSmile whitening strips Arrow MORE: My date and I met in a hotel room for one night of passion Arrow MORE: Finland is offering singles a free trip to find love — but there’s only one day left to apply Arrow MORE: The sex act women wish men would do more as it’s the ‘hottest thing ever’ The Hook Up Metro's hottest newsletter, with juicy stories and tips for spicing things up in the bedroom. 18+