I’m in a secret relationship with my uncle but I fear my family’s reaction when they find out – can we have a future?

DEAR DEIDRE: NOBODY in my family knows that, for the last two years, I have been in a passionate relationship with my uncle – my dad’s brother. I am 23 and he is 28. We are close in age and he’s never really felt like an uncle to me. It all started years ago when he found me crying. I was really upset over not doing as well as expected in my A-levels and, to add to my woes, being dumped by my boyfriend. My uncle comforted me, and kissed me and I felt better straight away. I’d always thought he was gorgeous. We were inseparable that summer, though nothing sexual happened between us. Live Chat and Contact Dear Deidre Live Chat with one of our trained counsellors Monday to Thursday from 1pm to 4pm. In Live Chat Hours:On your desktop or mobile, a ‘live chat with us’ button will appear below. Click it, and the chat box will appear and you will be connected with one of Deidre’s team. If you’re on the The Sun app, click here. If you would like to contact any of the counsellors outside of these hours, you can contact us:Via email: deardeidre@the-sun.co.ukOr send a confidential form here.DM us on Instagram: @Dear DeidreDM us on Facebook: @DearDeidreOfficial He went off to university for the final year of his degree, and we didn’t see much of each other until a couple of years ago when we found ourselves at the same party. We ended up in bed together, and it felt like a dream come true. Even though we both had partners at the time, we began a torrid secret affair, having sex whenever we were able to meet. Two years ago, he left his girlfriend, I broke up with my boyfriend, and we finally became a proper couple in secret. We’ve promised each other that we’ll be together for ever, but life is pulling us apart again. He just landed a teaching job in Italy. I can’t go with him because I’m in the middle of my business degree, but the plan is to be together as soon as we can. I love him with all my heart, but I’m scared of what will happen when our family eventually finds out. The fallout is going to cause so many problems for everyone. Is a future together actually realistic, or would it be better for both of us if I just let him go? DEIDRE SAYS: This job move is an opportunity for you to realise there is no future together no matter how good you are together. If you were found out, the repercussions could be devastating. You are both breaking the law by having an incestuous relationship and this could ruin your life. You were young and impressionable and he was older than you. The longer this continues, the more attached you will become. He is now going to work in Italy, giving you an ideal opportunity to finish this relationship. Begin to rebuild your life. Focus on your career so you can get a great job in the future, too. BOOZED-UP GIRLFRIEND PUNCHED ME IN THE FACE DEAR DEIDRE: WHAT should have been a normal night turned into a nightmare when my drunk girlfriend punched me in the face. I’m 26 and she’s 24. We’ve been together for three years and I thought we were solid, even though her sex drive has never been particularly high. I’ve accepted it, because otherwise things felt good between us. We’ve been having conversations about our future, getting married and having kids. Last week, she went out for her friend’s birthday drinks. I drove over to pick her up at the end of the night. She was so drunk. She lashed out, punching me in the face and yelled another guy’s name. I was so shocked I slept on the sofa that night. Now I can’t stop my mind racing. Is this other man the reason her sex drive has been so low? Is she cheating? DEIDRE SAYS: Don’t panic. Calling out another man’s name while she was drunk doesn’t necessarily mean your girlfriend has been cheating. There are lots of other explanations, which you will only learn if you ask her about the incident at a calmer time. But you have to ask yourself why she drank so much. Is this an isolated incident, or does she make a habit of it? Is she truly happy in the relationship? It’s time to talk and ask her if she is still satisfied with you, and enjoys your sex life. My support packs, Different Sex Drives and Understanding Female Pleasure, will help. Be prepared to make a few changes, if necessary. STEPSON NEEDS TO RESPECT OUR WAYS DEAR DEIDRE: MY stepson seems to think our house rules shouldn’t apply to him any more. He wants his girlfriends to stay overnight in his bed but morally this doesn’t seem right to me. I am 54 and my wife is 47. Her son is 24 and is in the Navy, so we only see him every now and then when he is on leave. Whenever he comes home to stay, he asks if his latest girlfriend can spend the night in his bed. It is always a different girl and often he has only known her for a matter of weeks. To make matters worse, he only has a single bed. I have told him that he can have a girl to stay, but she can’t sleep in his bedroom. Am I being old-fashioned and out of touch, or is it fair to expect some decency and respect for our house rules from a visiting young adult family member? DEIDRE SAYS: You need to remember that he is an adult and this is still his home. I wonder if the underlying issue is really about the overnight guests, or are you struggling to share the house and his mum when he visits? Maybe you are slightly envious that dating rules were much stricter when you were younger. For your wife’s sake, try making him feel welcome, suggest a double bed if space allows, and let him live by his own values. FAVE ESCORT’S TOO EXPENSIVE DEAR DEIDRE: FOR more than a decade, I have been seeing the same escort, but she doesn’t see a future with me beyond our appointments. I am 31 and live at home with my parents, which suits my wallet as I recently lost my job as a warehouse supervisor due to company downsizing. In my late teens, I was desperate to lose my virginity and I found her online. That first meeting set off a connection that has lasted ever since. While I have seen other sex workers over the years too, she has always been special. Whenever my parents go on holiday, I invite her over for dinner and sex. I don’t do that with anyone else. Lately, my feelings for her have deepened, and I think I am falling in love with her. I finally plucked up the courage to ask if we could have a real relationship, but she gently insisted on keeping things strictly professional. Now, being unemployed and broke, I can’t afford her services. The thought of being alone terrifies me, and the idea of approaching a stranger feels impossible. I’m lost and am facing a future without the one person who I really connected with. DEIDRE SAYS: It may sound harsh, but losing your job might actually prove to be a blessing in disguise. A whole decade has passed without genuine romantic love, and it would be a shame to waste any more precious time. Paying for sex feels easy because it protects you from potential rejection or performance anxiety, but this is a business arrangement and will never be anything more. Your favourite escort has drawn a firm boundary, leaving you out of pocket and out of love. You don’t need to approach strangers, but focus on making genuine female friends first. Read my support packs Finding The Love Of Your Life and Overcoming Shyness, to help you.