I’m having best sex of my life with local mechanic … but I’m scared my husband will bust affair

DEAR DEIDRE: When I took my car in for repairs, my husband warned me not to let the local garage rip me off. Little did he know the mechanic there would be ripping my clothes off within weeks. I’m a 45-year-old woman, and although my husband is a good man, I’m not sure I like or love him any more. He’s three years older than me and is very successful. He’s a senior manager for a big medical supplies business and has provided a good living for our family. We have one son who is 16 and my husband constantly barks orders at him and puts him down. I run a small online craft business and my husband is forever being snide about it. I think being the big boss has gone to his head and he doesn’t know how to adjust at home. WhatsApp and Contact Dear Deidre WhatsApp, DM, or email our experienced counsellors for a free, comprehensive response. I didn’t set out to cheat, but when the mechanic started chatting to me, I felt strangely alive. He was so funny and attentive, and I left the garage feeling like I was walking on air. When I went to pick up my car the next day he asked if I fancied a drink. I wear a wedding ring, so he knew I was married, but neither of us acknowledged that. We met for a drink a few evenings later and had a great couple of hours. The next time we met, I told my husband I was staying with a friend overnight after her fiftieth birthday party. We went back to my mechanic’s flat and I had the best sex of my life. Neither of us wants anything serious. We are enjoying regular hook-ups, but I fear that we’ll get discovered. My husband has recently booked his car into the same garage for an MOT and I am increasingly uneasy. DEIDRE SAYS: This fling is a distraction from the growing disconnection you feel in your marriage. Your husband may be arrogant but he doesn’t deserve to be cheated on. You are right to worry that your secret may be discovered, which would set off a destructive chain reaction. Better to put an end to this affair and work through your marital issues, otherwise you risk losing your family. Talk to him about how his dismissive attitude towards you leaves you feeling undervalued and outline your concerns around the way he treats your son. If you can’t make headway, it’s better to think about whether your marriage has run its course rather than complicating life with an affair. My support pack, How Counselling Can Help, explains where to find reputable counselling. DID I TAKE ADVANTAGE OF MY WIFE? DEAR DEIDRE: SEEING my teenage daughter develop and go out on dates has made me question the age-gap relationship I have with my wife. I’m 42 and my wife is eight years younger. We met when she was 16. The attraction between us was intense and we couldn’t keep our eyes off each other. She came to work at the garden centre where I worked during the holidays and she lit up my world. It was obvious that we both liked each other and everyone at work joked about us being like a married couple. At the time, I thought I was doing the right thing by waiting until she was 17 to ask her out. In the back of my mind I didn’t want to be seen as a cradle snatcher. She was really mature for her age, both in looks and character, and seemed far more self-assured than most women my age. Once we started dating our relationship developed quickly. And we married when she was 19. I’ve always been proud of her, not just because she is good-looking but because I respect her opinions, too. A few of my friends teased me about having a much younger wife, but the age gap never really became an issue in my mind. That is until our daughter turned 15 recently. She loves nothing more than getting all made up and going out with her friends. She’s the image of her mother and although she looks like she could be in her early twenties, I know how young and naive she is. It’s been making me question my whole marriage – and my own character. My daughter is only a year younger than my wife was when I met her. I’m tortured by the thoughts that I took advantage of a vulnerable teenager all those years ago. I’m so upset, but I haven’t been able to talk to anyone about this. DEIDRE SAYS: You will feel a lot happier when you talk to someone about this – and preferably that person would be your wife. It’s true that an eight-year age gap is huge when the youngest partner is only 16, and as a 24-year-old you will have had a lot more life experience than your wife. Times and attitudes are changing but it sounds like you have always treated her respectfully and can enjoy a clear conscience. It’s when the older partner – usually male – tries to control or manipulate the younger partner that there is a particular problem. FAMILY FORUM DEAR DEIDRE: VISITING Australia this year was a dream come true but now my boyfriend has been offered an amazing job out there and I feel so torn. We are both approaching 40 and have two sons, seven and five. I know the outdoor lifestyle would be brilliant for all of us but every time I think about going I feel a mixture of excitement and guilt. My mum has been such a big part of our sons’ lives and they have a really close bond. We’d be destroying that. Mum and Dad are in their mid-sixties and are both in good shape – for now – but what happens when they start to get frail and more dependent on me? I’m their only child and it feels so selfish to take their only grandchildren away and leave them to their own devices just before they start to age. My boyfriend isn’t particularly close to his parents and has two older brothers so knows they will be able to step in. He isn’t particularly supportive and keeps telling me that we’ll have a much better life in Australia. I know he’s right but that doesn’t solve my dilemma. He needs to let the recruiter know within four weeks if he wants to take the role or not. He’s a nurse, and this job would be a promotion, so I understand why he’s keen. He wants to start telling our family soon about our decision but I don’t feel ready to take that step. What should I do? DEIDRE SAYS: Certainly, Australia is a long way to get back to the UK when you need to, but that possible scenario is a long way off. There are so many outcomes but unless you give it a go, you’ll never know if it was a good move. Take a step at a time, talk to your family and explain what is worrying you. If you do go through with the move, your parents could visit for a month or two every year, and you could be creating the best experiences for all of you. And don’t forget, you can always move back if it doesn’t work out. Ask your boyfriend to be patient and explain you will feel happier if you can secure your parents’ support. CAN'T DEAL WITH MY DESPERATE STEP SIS DEAR DEIDRE: MY dad has remarried, and while I’m happy that he has someone to share his life with, I can’t stand my new stepsister. I’m 23, an only child and still live at home. Dad is 55. He moped around for four years after mum left him and then joined an online dating site and met his new wife. I really like her but her daughter, who is a year older than me, has latched on to Dad. She never knew her own father and it’s as if she is desperate to acquire mine. I think Dad feels bad for her as she isn’t very confident. Last Christmas we got the same gifts from him – a gold bracelet each – which annoyed me. I don’t want to be mean but I can’t cope when I know she is coming to stay. DEIDRE SAYS: It is a big adjustment becoming part of a blended family, especially as you will be used to having your dad to yourself. Your stepsister sounds keen to fit in. Rather than see her as a threat, try to see her as company for you also. My support pack, Blended Families, will help. SEX HAS BECOME MONOTONOUS WITH NEW GIRL DEAR DEIDRE: WHEN my new girlfriend declared she was going to ride me like a cowgirl, I really enjoyed it. But five months on, I now realise this is more than a phase. She only wants sex if she can go on top. The only variation is whether she is facing me or my feet, in the reverse cowgirl position. It has become monotonous. Also, I seem to “fall out of her” more in this position and sometimes she lands heavily on me. I’ve read this can damage the penis. Should I tell her she needs to stop? DEIDRE SAYS: It’s true that the reverse cowgirl position is responsible for the most penile fractures. As you are concerned this may happen to you, it is time to talk and suggest a compromise. It is very one-sided to only ever have sex in her favoured positions. A good sexual relationship is all about strong communication. It’s important to be able to express your concerns and give your girlfriend the opportunity to show she cares. My support pack, How To Have Great Sex, will help.