I’m having a secret and passionate affair with my mate’s mum – I’m completely hooked but guilt is affecting me

DEAR DEIDRE: WHEN I bumped into my mate’s mum at the shops last month, I had no idea it would be the start of mind-blowing sex sessions. I’m hooked on her, but what if her husband or my friend find out? I’m 19 and she is 38 and incredibly attractive. I’ve always liked her but on this occasion when I saw her we had such a great chat. I got the impression she was flirting with me. But because of the age gap and the fact she’s married, I told myself I was imagining it. After we both finished shopping, she offered me a lift home. As we parked up near my house, we sat in the car chatting for a bit. The atmosphere changed quickly and out of nowhere, she asked me if I wanted to come over to her place while the house was quiet. I didn’t question it and thought we’d hang out and talk, but the moment we walked through her front door, she pulled me close and started passionately kissing me on the lips. Live Chat and Contact Dear Deidre Live Chat with one of our trained counsellors Monday to Thursday from 1pm to 4pm. In Live Chat Hours:On your desktop or mobile, a ‘live chat with us’ button will appear below. Click it, and the chat box will appear and you will be connected with one of Deidre’s team. If you’re on the The Sun app, click here. If you would like to contact any of the counsellors outside of these hours, you can contact us:Via email: deardeidre@the-sun.co.ukOr send a confidential form here.DM us on Instagram: @Dear DeidreDM us on Facebook: @DearDeidreOfficial I didn’t hesitate for a second and kissed her right back. One thing led to another, and we were soon naked in her bedroom, having unbelievable sex. It felt so risky because her husband or my mate could have walked in the house at any moment. Once it was over, I panicked, threw my clothes on and legged it, but that wasn’t the end of it. We’ve hooked up secretly a few times since then, and the chemistry is totally off the scale. We have to be so careful that we don’t get caught, but I’m completely hooked and don’t think that I can stop now. I wish I could be with her 24/7, but the guilt is starting to affect me. What would my mate and his dad say if they ever found out?I’m totally lost and don’t know what to do. DEIDRE SAYS: You are on a dangerous path which will inevitably end in disaster for everyone involved. Please ask yourself, what sort of woman would have an affair with a much younger person who is best friends with their own child? She is selfish and reckless, not only with her marriage but with her family. Your mate will never forgive a betrayal like this, to say nothing of how his dad will react. You will carry that regret forever. It is natural to feel overwhelmed by temptation, but feeling desire doesn’t mean you have to act on it. Pay attention to the guilt you feel. Find the courage to end this before things blow up. There are lots of lovely women your own age who are free to share a proper relationship with you. HURT BY PASSION SLIP-UP DEAR DEIDRE: DURING a passionate moment in bed, my boyfriend suddenly shouted out another woman’s name. I am shattered. I am 27 and my boyfriend is 29. We have been together for two years and have always had what I thought was a great, loving relationship. What makes it worse is that I know the woman in question personally and I have always suspected my boyfriend had a bit of a thing for her. She attends the same gym as us. I am absolutely certain he has not physically cheated on me with her, but I was so hurt when he called me by her name that I immediately burst into tears. He tried hard to comfort and reassure me afterwards, but the whole situation is driving me crazy. How could he be with me for so long if he holds such deep feelings for her? I feel so betrayed, confused and hurt right now. Should I tell him to leave? DEIDRE SAYS: Before you make any hasty decisions, give him a chance to explain why he called out her name. It could easily be an innocent slip of the tongue, but you need to be honest about how much it has shaken your confidence. If he responds defensively or acts guilty, he might be hiding something. Ultimately, it is up to him to prove through consistent, loving actions that you have nothing to worry about. Without genuine warmth and closeness, this relationship is in serious trouble. HUBBY JUST IGNORES MY BIRTHDAYS DEAR DEIDRE: ONCE again my birthday slipped by without anyone making an effort for me. I was 40 last week. It should have felt like a milestone, but it turned out to be like any other ordinary but exhausting day. My husband’s 42. We’ve been together for 15 years and we have two children aged ten and eight. In all our time together he’s never wished me a happy birthday or given me a card. He has never cooked a special meal for me either. He wouldn’t dream of arranging a party. What hurts the most is how much love and effort I go to making everyone else feel special. For my daughter, I treated her and her friends to a fun theatre trip. For my husband’s last birthday, I organised a weekend away at a lovely hotel and spa. Yet for my big day, all I received was complete indifference. It hurts so much. But am I being selfish? DEIDRE SAYS: Wanting to feel appreciated isn’t selfish. Did he grow up in a family that ignored birthdays or viewed event planning as something women do? Tell him how you love making others feel appreciated and let him know you’d love to celebrate your birthday in a similar way. Unless you tell him what you are hoping for, he may never know. Start encouraging him to help your children pick out a card and small gift, so they don’t grow into thoughtless adults. FEAR OF MOTHS IS RUINING LIFE DEAR DEIDRE: THERE is nothing I would like more than to propose to my girlfriend, but her overwhelming fear of moths is starting to take a serious toll on our relationship. I am 27 and she is 25. We have been together for three happy years, but she has an extreme fear of flying insects, particularly moths. It sometimes dictates our daily routine and leaves us both walking on eggshells. She can’t set foot in a dark room without sending me in first to check there is nothing fluttering around. If she wakes up needing the bathroom in the middle of the night, she flicks every single light on, looking at the walls, curtains and ceilings for any sign of movement. I keep gently telling her that moths are actually attracted to light, so turning on every lamp in the house only increases the chances of pulling one inside, but she takes no notice when she’s in that state. She inevitably wakes me up, too, because she gets so panicky. The worst part is that we almost never find anything. I love her deeply and would love to settle down with her, buy a home and start a family together. However, I’m scared that any future children we have would also have this phobia. I don’t want them to grow up in a home where there is constant anxiety. She sometimes feels physically sick if she spots a tiny dark speck on the wallpaper. I know her fear is genuine and not just dramatic, but living like this is simply not sustainable long-term. DEIDRE SAYS: It is exhausting to live with severe phobias, both for the person suffering and for anyone else sharing their daily life. Treatment should be available on the NHS, so your girlfriend should ask her GP for a referral, though there might be a waiting list. In the meantime, self-help techniques can be very effective. It will help if she can explore where this deep fear of moths originated, while practising techniques to let the first wave of panic wash over her without it taking control. My support pack, Fears And Phobias, explains self-help strategies in detail.